Defining success….on your own terms

Create Your Own Wave

Relax

You’re doing fine. You’re doing great and you’re going to be alright.

Its baby steps till you get to where you’re meant to be. It’s one day at a time till you achieve that which you set out to achieve.

The definition of success have been shoved and pushed down our throats to the point that we think success has a universal face. No it doesn’t.

We’ve sized up success to be this one size fits all garment. Wear. Just wear, it will suit you. Perfectly. Take the universal umbrella and run with it!

Save your strength and stop!

Are you going to allow society to define success for you?

Are you going to be blinded by society’s standards of success?

Are you going to be burdened and amputated by the expectations of society?

Are you going to be lowered, reduced and dragged around by the success you see and read about daily?

Depressed and worried that you’re not doing enough. Sick and tired of the pace at which you’re progressing. Beating yourself up daily because you fail to measure up to the universal gauge of success.

So we live in fear and depression of not measuring up to what society deems as success.

It could all be so easy but we as humans are always looking for a map, some sort of guidelines, life manual or a list. Stop killing yourself slowly. Were you born with instructions?

Free your potential.

You must first understand and identify what is success to you. If you don’t know then you’ll be easily pushed around by the expectations of everyone else.

Walk in your own lane. Pave your own path at your own pace. Be prayerful and commit every move into God’s hands. Be proud of your littlest accomplishments. Celebrate every little achievement. Recognise your strength. Work on your shortcomings. Do not champion your weaknesses. Acknowledge your efforts and when you fail do not stop. Take a rest and try again.

Never push yourself to exhaustion. Amidst all your hard work, make sure you protect your happy.

Mama has spoken...Major Key!

If you gain the world and it can’t even put a smile on your face then you my friend is not succeeding.

If by any chance the only mountain you were able to move was you getting out of bed, so be it. Some days everything will go wrong, that doesn’t mean you’re a failure. Understand that you cannot give more than what is in you so always protect your well-being. And at the end after you’ve given your 100 and that extra 10%, sleep with satisfaction for you have done your best and remember your best is always good enough.

You fail at a task so what? Pick yourself up and try again. Most successes today were built on roadblocks of failures. Today they have a story, a story that inspires.

I encourage you to build yours….even if it’s one that everyone laughs at today at least it’s your story.

Don’t be distracted by the next man’s success. Don’t be jealous. You do not know how much they’ve prayed. My friend once tweeted that prayer is free…and indeed it is. So stay prayed up.

Avoid comparison for it is the greatest thief of time. Avoid looking back. Understand that you are in a competition with no one but the person you were yesterday.

Don’t allow anyone to scare you. Don’t allow fear to inhibit your potential. You have everything you need to succeed in you. Remember the grace of God will never take you where the grace of God cannot protect you.

Focus!

How Many People Have You Helped?

There is no universal definition for success and success does not have a face, tone or shape. Success does not come in this glamorous package either. Success is not one size fits all.

Success is more an internal affair than external. You find it within first.

Personally money and wealth makes a fine pillow and offers a comfortable ride in this thing called life but they don’t count as success for me.

I know a lot of wealthy people who are not successful at life. Funny right? Well its possible and its sad so don’t let that be you.

Do you want to know what success is to me?

Here we go…

Success in my life is good health, happiness and love of family. Success is me able to hear the voice of my grandmother and loved ones. Success in my life is being able to do the little but significant things for myself. Success is being able to see the sunrise, watch the sunset and being able to hear the pitter patter of the rain drops. Success is being able to hear my niece and nephews saying I love you Aunt Doris. Success is coming home to peace and quiet and the smell of my dinner from last night. Success is me coiled up on my sofa with my laptop on my lap and television on my favorite channel. Success is me lying on my bed listening to my favorite songs. Success is me having the strength to praise God, my maker. Success is me being able to inspire you by my ordinary, mundane and rather boring life.

For me it is my truth, it is raw and unedited and it is genuine. It requires no approval and I do not need to paint it to make it look like yours. I don’t need to deceive you into thinking my life is perfect and I succeed in all my endeavors.

I fail sometimes. I cry too and I have bad days ever so often. Just like everyone else.

Whether you choose to interpret my idea of success as ordinary, boring or exciting and crazy that is entirely up to you and I respect it.

You know why?

Because your definition of success does not have to be packaged the same way mine is and that my friend is the beauty of success.

Not all of us were born to conquer the world and make significant difference in a big, loud and massive way. Some of us were put on this earth to make the most significant difference in the most subtle manner.

You can succeed in farming, you can also be a success in politics, you can succeed in construction and you can be a success in teaching. You can be a success in mothering.

Whatever success is to you, embrace it unapologetically and be that!

You have your definition of success. Stick to it and work on it.

No one can tell you what success is to you but you. Unless they know what your capabilities, needs, weaknesses and strength are, then they can’t tell you nothing. Stay away from they and idle chatter and construct your own path towards success.

Define success on your own terms and package it the way you want to. Wrap it up how you’d like to see it and appreciate it for what it is.

It is your journey and it is your life. Ride it like its golden.

Remember a major part of being a success is maintaining your happy.

Till then

Xoxo

How Long They Choose To Love You Will Never Be Your Decision

Let your guard down they say. Let’s be vulnerable together they say. Fall in love with me, I will catch you they proclaimed. Let’s make this last forever they exclaimed.

Don’t we wish life was that easy?

When you see them you light up, butterflies in the stomach, giggling like a well fed baby and all of a sudden you develop a stutter. Yep that’s your common sense leaving your being.

Congratulations, you’re in love.

Congratulations!!

You’re so attracted to them that seeing them becomes the best part of your day. You smile like a Cheshire cat and all of a sudden because of them your days become brighter and life is good.

You’re happy.

32s On Fleek

One day your days become a nightmare and nights become longer. Your bright and cheerful world becomes this dimly-lit hell hole. You find it hard to believe, harder to smile and even harder breathe. Things are not the same.

You start wondering….

What happened to happily ever after? What happen to I’ll catch you when you fall? And whatever happened to let’s make this last forever?

Every day becomes a struggle. Appetite is gone. The will to live vanishes right before your eyes and all of a sudden nothing else matters.

So many unanswered questions.

Why wasn’t I enough? Wasn’t I good enough? Were you even mine to begin with? What am I supposed to do when our song comes on? Combating those feelings will be the hardest thing you’ve ever done.

What am i Supposed To Do When Our Song Comes On?

All the sweet nothings that they used to whisper in your ears don’t make sense anymore. You try replaying them in your head and try figuring out where things went wrong. Whenever you do a clearing out, there’s always a reminder of what you used to share...silly notes of dreams that turned into a nightmare overnight.

You cry your eye balls out. No phone calls and no contact with the outside world as you go through pile and piles of tissues.

You can’t even tell your friends because you’re ashamed, you can’t tell your parents because they had high hopes for you too. Heck you can’t even convince yourself that the one person you thought belonged to you, the one person you chose to love, the one person you chose to be vulnerable with, the one person you thought was your forever is gone.

Then it hits you…

It hits you hard that life is a series of unplanned events, a ball of obstacles, a chaotic mess and a merry go round of shit and giggles.

You start realising that how long they chose to love you will never be your decision. When they choose to leave there’s nothing you can do to change that.

I stopped believing in forevers!

You start to realise that the forever people so often talk about is nothing if the moments are not cherished. The forever is somewhere we don’t often make, so I often tell people. Enjoy the moments because if all else fails, you might not have reached a forever but you’ve experienced what True love is. And even if it wasn’t true, once upon a time in a happy place, you’ve experienced love.

And that is something everyone must experience.

One True Love Experience Outweighs
 a Thousand Promised Forevers.

You now know that love is more than a feeling, it a decision you make every day, and people change all the time. Nothing is constant, even that I LOVE YOU that they so often whisper in your ears can falter with time.

What’s your assurance?

You learn that someone else’s love is not yours to own. Therefore it is never yours to lose. It is yours for that time, for that moment, for that period. So experience it and enjoy it when it’s around.

People love and lost all the time and when that love is over, when that love is not enough anymore, when that love no longer serves as your happy place you can’t hold them as prisoners.

Let it go.

You run into them in the mall, living life like nothing happened while you have to struggle to get out of bed every day. To give the world the sunshine. To pretend like everything is ok. And to find the strength to go through each passing day. Now that is true strength.

I applaud you.

You’re forced to see them in public living their lives, hugging, laughing and giggling with their new love. Holding hands and doing all the things you both used to do. Now that kills you each time. And you can’t help but wonder if they ever cared at all.

No one understands the magnitude of pain.

Living Life Like Its Golden...

You log on Facebook and they’re all you see. Plastering pictures everywhere. Happy couple. All smiles. And in your alone moment you’re wondering why me? Is he going to do the same thing to her? Will she be the one? What about all the things he said to me? What happened to the forevers I was promised? What ever happened to the sparkle in her eyes that used to come alive each time we spoke?

It’s gone.

It Was Never Yours To Own!

And accepting that is a daily battle. A daily struggle. Sometimes you’ll have to fight a little harder to make it through the day. But no one knows that.

Seeing the person you love, love someone else is the greatest pain of all time. You can’t explain it but it stings. My god it stings!

But…

Lost love teaches you to be a better human. You can only understand the pain of loss when you’ve had sleepless nights, soaking tear-wet pillows, and that gut wrenching feeling like your heart’s been ripped from your chest. And that is an awful awful feeling. That is pain. That is raw pain.

That Gut -Wrenching Feeling

That awful feeling and excruciating pain teaches you a lot.

It teaches you to be strong.

It teaches you that forever is merely a safe word. Forever is just that…a forever. And it’s nothing more than a promised place.

It helps you to realise your strength and capabilities. In such an awful unguarded moment, you learn that you are enough. You learn that the love of another does not relieve you off the duty of loving yourself.

You treat people with caution and respect and regards because you know what it feels like to be hurt, to be in a dark place, to cry all night with no one to wipe your tears. To hear your own scared quivering voice at night when all the lights are out.

When the only light you see at that time is the moon through the cracks of your window curtain.

It teaches you to never hang on to the theory of one day or the promise of forever but rather seizing each moment because even if it ends one day, you weren’t waiting around for a promised forever, nor were you striking down the calendar for days mounting up to that one day. You’ll be sad its ended, you’ll be gutted but not as much as you would be if all you shared was a promised forever and series of one day.

A Little but Great Infinity

A lost love teaches you the art of being a moment grabber and that I have learnt is a beautiful thing. You take each moment and make it beautiful. You learn the hard fact that life is too short and too long for unhappiness.

You learn that you do not have to break your bones to fit into someone’s idea of love. You understand that your type of love is not for everyone.

And when you will decide to give love another try, you will understand the essence of being present in every moment.

Relationships Sometimes Can Be a Challenge
 But It Should Never Be A Struggle.

And it will be clear that the heart as little as it is holds a significant amount of strength as it goes through heartbreak after heartbreak but never loses the power to feel…..and eventually love again.

You will be guarded. You will be scared. You’ll be unsure.  And if they’re worth your time, they will understand this. They will unbox you carefully, with love and care. They will love the dustiest part of your soul with all understanding and they will give you time to heal…heal on your own terms.

You are happy and at peace with the confirmation that the heart that’s meant to love you, will love you and they won’t have to break a bone.

Through all of this the important and unwavering lesson remain. The lesson to love without attachment. To understand that all could be gone in a day. To never etch your whole experience in one day.

You do not have to promise me a happily ever after. You do not have to promise me a forever. Heck, don’t sell me dreams.

I am content. I am content with this moment.

For the journey, endeavour to always be present, present in the moment. 

Because once upon a lonely night sky, a lost love taught me to love what I have while I have it.

Till next time

XoXo

The Expectation

The hopes, the expectations, the castles in the air all makes for a rather rude awakening. The fall is pretty serious and landing is never soothing to the bum.

“To wish was to hope, and to hope was to expect”

Most times than often, that awakening is needed. It’s like a slap to reality from reality.

My theory is if you have to be awakened rudely like that then you have no business sleeping. When a situation arises where you can’t sleep you have no business being there in the first place. I have a thing for cosy, sureness and trust and if I can’t experience any of it…it leaves me empty with a lot of questions.

Why fall asleep? Why dose off? Why let your guard down and start expecting and hoping? Heck why do you even shut your eyes? Our expectations always sell us short. It’s all good to be hopeful and expecting people to behave in a certain way. It’s all good to think and expect….but keep your feet grounded, grounded on something solid.

Sometimes I think expectations come from a deep place within ourselves. Expectations comes from our pattern of thinking and trails of thoughts we have so carefully weaved in our heads. It can also be because of what we’re used to. It is a result of what you thought it was or should be. Other times, it is because of what you have experienced and certain experiences leaves you positively expectant.

Positively Expectant...

We expect people to act in a certain way. We expect them to do certain things and behave in a certain fashion and when they don’t that is where the awakening comes in. Yea that rude awakening.

We believe and want them to act in a certain way because we will act in that same manner given the same situation. We believe we will go that far for them so we expect them to do the same. We believe we will bend and break bones for them so we think they’ll be willing to do the same.

“Persons appear to us according to the light we throw upon them from our own minds.

Well it doesn’t work that way unfortunately. People react to situations differently therefore you can’t expect the same level of reaction given the same situation. People think differently and we are all ever so different in various ways. I once read somewhere that when you stop expecting people to behave in a certain way, life becomes easier and you become happier. Expectation in a sense is self-destructive as you slowly build yourself up for disappointment.

'Blessed are they who expect nothing for they shall not be disappointed.”

Expectation is a child born from a comfortable place. I say comfortable because it is a situation or relationship or person or thing you thought you knew, they’ve become your playground, all so familiar and cosy. You knew all the back routes and the ins and out. You feel like you’re home and Boom…..expectation kicks in. Such a familiar territory with an unfamiliar trails. From a comfortable place like that, the awakening is never a good one.

The Awakening...is real

That awakening is your call to duty. It is your call to evaluate and re-evaluate. Look at the situation from all angles and analyse. What made you so expectant? Why did you ever start thinking they will do that for you or be that for you? Why did you even think you mattered that much to them? What sparked that expectation? What gave you hope that the situation would be all you’ve wished for or thought it would be? 

Wake up!

Things don’t pan out your way, so what? Situations don’t turn out as you would have liked, so what? Life goes on. Do not allow yourself to become bitter, frustrated or full of anger because disappointment does that to people. Remember your happiness is paramount. It doesn’t mean the situation was a bad situation or the person is a bad person, it simply means that people are different. People think differently. People react to situations differently.

Waiting and Expecting...

If you can handle the difference, then there is beauty in differences. To each their own. Personally I have learnt to never try to change anyone. As the wise saying goes, if you know how hard it is to change yourself then you will know how little a chance you have of changing others. Inspire change in them but never try to change them.

Accept them wholly or keep it moving. This applies to all situations and everyone. Expectations are always going to be there just remember to not fill your life with resentment and anger when it doesn’t create the vision you envisioned. You can’t expect everyone to be dedicated as you or have the same level of passion as you and this is a mistake made more often than we think.

Lower your expectations of people and you will never be disappointed. This doesn’t make you any less of a human neither does it diminish the person that you are. It doesn’t lower your self-esteem and you can walk with head held high. But what it’ll do is save you from unnecessary anger, pain, resentment and frustration. You really don’t need to be inflicting all that poison into your system. You can’t change people, and some situations are totally out of your control.

“My expectations are sky low, because I’m standing on a mountaintop.” 

Remember you can’t control everything that happens to you and around you but you can control how you react to it.

Till then

Xoxo

From Ordinary to The Extraordinary

Just won’t settle.

That’s it.

I’ve always had an overstretched mind flooded with chaotic thoughts. A taste bud which have often been described as fairy tale like. But when you encounter a soul that teases your taste buds, make your eyes see differently and awaken your senses……you can’t go back.

Why?

You have been stretched, probably not to your limits but have you ever seen a rubber band go back to its usual width and girth after being stretched?! Me neither

Whatever is normal, i do not wish to find out....

How do you go back to normal?! After all this, normal ceases to exist and Normal have never appealed to me anyway. Hold up, whatever is normal?

I guess I shall never find out.

You came like a storm in the summer. I was unprepared. Oh no I wasn’t ready. One thing is for sure, I live for the unplanned moments. The moments that leaves me breathless, transports you to another realm and it gets you thinking, where have you been all this while?!

You came like a lion among a swarm of bees, sweeping everything in your way to the curb. I never saw it coming and I think I missed that memo. You came like a burst of fresh air, giving the atmosphere all that good vibe and all that jazz. I liked it. I liked it a lot.

I tried to question it but I came up with no answers. I tried to make sense of it but failed miserably and again I tried to understand it but then I realised it is not my place. Some moments are best enjoyed and savoured in and letting it all go. As if I needed an answer, I was watching Mistresses when one of the characters said:

‘’...maybe it’s good to let go off plans and just make room for amazing things to happen.’’

I like questioning, maybe that was my answer right there. I like knowing but I learned that I can’t always control what happens to me, I can only choose the way I react towards it all.



Great conversation. Amazing time. Natural connection. Deep provoking thoughts. Mind sex. Stimulating intellect. Mind orgasms. Just great time, you know what I mean, great time that creates moments you will remember for the most part of your days if not the rest.

The moments where you entwine fingers and your heart skips a beat. The moments when you’re awaken by a nice warm cuddle and a gentle kiss on the forehead that speaks a thousand words. The moment when you elbows meet and you feel that shiver down your spine like a raindrop on a cold winter’s day.

All Shades of Yes...

That feeling is what is what I live for. This moment is why I won’t settle. This is the reason why I know no grey areas. Even if it’s just for a short while, everyone must experience this feeling that you can’t quite put into words you can only take a deep sigh and close your eyes to relieve part of that moment ever so often.

While others brag of great sex, with a silent confidence and dignity you delivered mind orgasm, the unforgettable and all the unimaginable. I liked that a lot. Happy as a lark and a child without a care in the world, the little heart danced.

Be with Someone who you Can Be a Fool With...

Rarely do you come across someone that makes you think like there’s no box. How often do you come across someone who just make you smile like a Cheshire cat all day long? Someone who makes you want to do better and be better, someone who you can totally be yourself with without having to put up a face.

That is priceless.

A thoughtful person. Emotional intelligence. They hear what you’re not saying. Attentive. They find the true meaning behind your words. Kind. Your silences are never awkward. Every eye gaze sends an electric storm down your spine.

Now, that doesn’t happen every day.

’You light a fire inside of me that would make even the sun envious.’

Our generation brags about designers they can’t spell and alcohol they can’t even pronounce but when you check the worth of their brains, it’s not brag worthy. Priorities wrong and scattered all over the place. Spend time to add value to yourself. Make yourself indispensable. Stop bragging about simple things. I once read somewhere, Intelligence will never stop being beautiful….and that’s just it.

You want to brag about sex but you’re forgetting that sex is deeper than what meets the eye. It is deeper than a few inches of penetration but your shallow mind won’t allow you to think any different. When a woman bares her soul, she is telling you more than you can see, you have to listen with a third ear. She’s trusting you, and sending a message, whatever that message might be you have to be attentive and willing to understand it. Sex is a soul dance, sex is two souls in agreement but you want to just brag and talk about it all day like it’s nothing. What i mean is, you need some dose of intellect to understand and comprehend that.

Again i say, intelligence will never go out of fashion.

It's Rare, but it still exists....

If sex is all you have to offer, what happens when you’re grey and old? What do you laugh at and what memories would you have created if not in between the sheets?


The biggest mistake you will make is to drift off from someone who you once had the time of your life with. When you find something like that, even if the moment lasted for a brief while, hold on to that story because in years to come you will tell your stories to your daughters and light up a fire in them while giving them hope that life doesn’t always give lemons, if we look hard enough.


As my girl Maya Angelou rightly said, when you know better you do better.


Don’t settle for what is convenient, don’t settle for normal heck I mean don’t settle at all if it doesn’t speak to your little heart. The simple things makes up for the great big things in the end. Live for the moments that you can’t put into words.

Sometimes...

Whatever it is that warms your soul and takes you to that happy place, keep that.




Till then


Xoxo

The Bucket List

This is my Bucket List....( Inspired by the 2007 movie The Bucket List, directed by Rob Reiner,Starring Morgan Freeman & Jack Nicholson) http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0825232/

Bucket list i guess derived from the phrase ''to kick the bucket'' which means to die. So the Bucket list is simply a list of things or should i say dreams that you wish to achieve before the death bell.

Sometimes in life, we are hindered by so many things such as Fear,money,family & friends, time, religion & beliefs, insecurities and sometimes we are just waiting for that perfect time. There is no perfect time, if it happens allow it to take it course and enjoy every bit of it. Other times we are held back by the fear of failure, well i always say if you don't try, you will never know. Your life is yours to live and if anything, make a vow to yourself that you will live it to the best of your abilities. Taking risks is a vital part of living life and just in case you haven't noticed, life itself is a risk and a big one too....so live a little and give all setbacks a back kick!

Having said that,here lies my Bucket List. Some are fears and some are just mere adventures and utter bravery but again, some to you might seem like a piece of cake. It all depends on the individual i guess.
However,this will be a regularly updated list as i'll be striking them out as they are achieved.

Here goes, in no particular order (in my X-Factor voice)

• Learn how to Swim
• Learn how to ride a bicycle (Don't ask me what i was doing during my childhood)

Just a quick incidence. It was my friend's birthday and she decided to do pub crawl and guess what we were meant to do this Pub crawl by..a bicycle!! Great! I was the only one who couldnt ride. The younger ones were riding on their own and i had to be illegally towed by my cousin half way through and had to walk the rest of the journey. Now i have never wished for a better time to know how to ride a bicycle. The closest i got to riding a bicycle was captured from the picture above. Sad times i tell ya!

• Learn how to drive a car (automatic of course, i like easy life)
• Write my own book (Just One)
• Open my own business ( the idea is but a dream but you'll hear all bout it In Jesus Name)
• Meet and shake hands with Usher Raymond ( I have liked that singer since i was a child)
• Save a Life (animal or human)
• Buy a house and fill it with love and laughter ( Africa or abroad...doesn't matter )
• Adopt a Child
• Make a difference in someone's life at least once a month. (I really want to)
• Read the entire bible ( started when i was a child but i think i got distracted)
• Distinguish the difference between my right and left in matter of seconds (What a shame aye?)
• Be a pro in at least one sport. ( maybe basketball & maybe not a pro but at least to a level where i can boast. sad!)
• Get married to someone i love ( I am human...& some might not see this as an achievement but marry the wrong person then you'll learn!)
• Ride a horse (Help me Baby Jesus!)
• Ride in a Limousine (yes!)
• Spend a weekend in the poshest hotel with a loved one. ( a girl gotta live! )
• Learn how to speak one more language Fluently (Preferably Spanish or French...don't ask why)
• Have healthy Kids (Of Course..maybe 2)
• Own my very own designer bag ( i'm not a vain person but i'll love a Louis Vuitton bag)
• Learn how to play at least one musical instrument ( preferably the Piano..so far my expertise stops at Do Re Mi )
• Overcome my fear of heights ( Scary business )
• Go on Bungee Jumping (I'm not scared but i'll love the adventure)
• Travelling and i mean loads of it.( China,Spain,Egypt,Brazil,Ghana,Tanzania, and so many others)
• Learn how to cook a Chinese dish..(especially King Prawn Fried Rice) YUM!
• Visit Disney ( Yes, and act like a kid for a day, a whole day without a care in the world!)
• Win a meaningful sum of money in the lottery. (Just want to win something, you know that lucky feeling)
• Have one more tattoo (hopefully there will be no more)
• Kick my very old bad habit which is Biting my lips ( yep..no one is perfect and that habit my friend, stinks)
• Develop and learn the art of Forgiveness and forgoing grudge ( Boy...i'm a class act in that. Very bad!)
• Create a life worth living for me and my entire family ( filled with all the goodies in life, by God's grace)

If you haven't watched this movie before,please do. It's funny and there is a lesson to be learnt as well which is ....you are never too old or too young to achieve your dreams and it shouldn't take death to teach or push us to start living!

My advice is,if you want to do anything go for it. If the opprotunity arises, grab it because sometimes they only pass us once. Forget about what people think and live for yourself. The crowd is always going to be there and you will always have to interprete the noise for yourself, whether its a cheer or a Booo.....just bear in mind that your life is your stage and you can either put up the performance of a lifetime or shoot for failure and fear and eventually get booted off your very own stage.


Break the fear and take a risk....if you make a mistake, at least it will be your mistake.


WHAT IS LIFE WITHOUT RISKS? bORRRinGG!

Go on and create a list of your own and while doing it,have some fun too  :)