Friday, 31 October 2014

The Expectation

The hopes, the expectations, the castles in the air all makes for a rather rude awakening. The fall is pretty serious and landing is never soothing to the bum.

“To wish was to hope, and to hope was to expect”

Most times than often, that awakening is needed. It’s like a slap to reality from reality.

My theory is if you have to be awakened rudely like that then you have no business sleeping. When a situation arises where you can’t sleep you have no business being there in the first place. I have a thing for cosy, sureness and trust and if I can’t experience any of it…it leaves me empty with a lot of questions.

Why fall asleep? Why dose off? Why let your guard down and start expecting and hoping? Heck why do you even shut your eyes? Our expectations always sell us short. It’s all good to be hopeful and expecting people to behave in a certain way. It’s all good to think and expect….but keep your feet grounded, grounded on something solid.

Sometimes I think expectations come from a deep place within ourselves. Expectations comes from our pattern of thinking and trails of thoughts we have so carefully weaved in our heads. It can also be because of what we’re used to. It is a result of what you thought it was or should be. Other times, it is because of what you have experienced and certain experiences leaves you positively expectant.

Positively Expectant...

We expect people to act in a certain way. We expect them to do certain things and behave in a certain fashion and when they don’t that is where the awakening comes in. Yea that rude awakening.
We believe and want them to act in a certain way because we will act in that same manner given the same situation. We believe we will go that far for them so we expect them to do the same. We believe we will bend and break bones for them so we think they’ll be willing to do the same.

“Persons appear to us according to the light we throw upon them from our own minds.

Well it doesn’t work that way unfortunately. People react to situations differently therefore you can’t expect the same level of reaction given the same situation. People think differently and we are all ever so different in various ways. I once read somewhere that when you stop expecting people to behave in a certain way, life becomes easier and you become happier. Expectation in a sense is self-destructive as you slowly build yourself up for disappointment.

'Blessed are they who expect nothing for they shall not be disappointed.”

Expectation is a child born from a comfortable place. I say comfortable because it is a situation or relationship or person or thing you thought you knew, they’ve become your playground, all so familiar and cosy. You knew all the back routes and the ins and out. You feel like you’re home and Boom…..expectation kicks in. Such a familiar territory with an unfamiliar trails. From a comfortable place like that, the awakening is never a good one.

The real

That awakening is your call to duty. It is your call to evaluate and re-evaluate. Look at the situation from all angles and analyse. What made you so expectant? Why did you ever start thinking they will do that for you or be that for you? Why did you even think you mattered that much to them? What sparked that expectation? What gave you hope that the situation would be all you’ve wished for or thought it would be? 

Wake up!

Things don’t pan out your way, so what? Situations don’t turn out as you would have liked, so what? Life goes on. Do not allow yourself to become bitter, frustrated or full of anger because disappointment does that to people. Remember your happiness is paramount. It doesn’t mean the situation was a bad situation or the person is a bad person, it simply means that people are different. People think differently. People react to situations differently.

Waiting and Expecting...

If you can handle the difference, then there is beauty in differences. To each their own. Personally I have learnt to never try to change anyone. As the wise saying goes, if you know how hard it is to change yourself then you will know how little a chance you have of changing others. Inspire change in them but never try to change them.

Accept them wholly or keep it moving. This applies to all situations and everyone. Expectations are always going to be there just remember to not fill your life with resentment and anger when it doesn’t create the vision you envisioned. You can’t expect everyone to be dedicated as you or have the same level of passion as you and this is a mistake made more often than we think.

Lower your expectations of people and you will never be disappointed. This doesn’t make you any less of a human neither does it diminish the person that you are. It doesn’t lower your self-esteem and you can walk with head held high. But what it’ll do is save you from unnecessary anger, pain, resentment and frustration. You really don’t need to be inflicting all that poison into your system. You can’t change people, and some situations are totally out of your control.

“My expectations are sky low, because I’m standing on a mountaintop.” 

Remember you can’t control everything that happens to you and around you but you can control how you react to it.

Till then