It is my grandmother’s
birthday today. She is 82. I love this woman. She is the Maya to my Angelou.
She is the anchor in my wild sea. She is my conscience to the destructive
voice. She is the reason I want to be a better me. She is the reason I fight.
If there was one person I was scared to let down, that would be my Grandma Ola.
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| She is the reason…full stop! |
She is a huge
part of my life and anyone that knows Doris, knows Grandma Ola. So it is only
right I dig up some sweet memories of the time we spent together back in Sierra
Leone.
I grew up
with my grandmother in Sierra Leone where we lived in a traditional
colonial–era board house at Campbell Street. Everything I did was a reflection
of my granny, even up to this day, consequently I was labelled granny
pekin…especially in school.
Yup... I am a certified and bonafide granny pekin.
Grandma Ola
is strict. She has a no nonsense streak about her that is not to be messed
with. (Even our mothers don’t mess with her) She is a true disciplinarian and
will stop at nothing. She is kind, honest and genuine. She is the definition of
what you see is what you get. No hidden layers. Her facial expressions doesn't lie.
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| Virtuous Woman |
As stern as
she is, she is the most caring and loving woman I know. She is compassionate
and a mother to all. She is packed with a wealth of wisdom which I admire. My granny is a virtuous woman. How someone so stern can be so loving
and caring at the same time is actually a very powerful thing in my books.
In my early
childhood, our parents left my brother and I at the mercy of our grandmother who
we got to know too well after we started living with her. We thought it was a
holiday until she took off the Mrs Nice guy cap and wore the captain’s hat. You
know what they say, come stay with me and come visit me are two completely
different things. Too right!
Boakai, my
brother and I never saw what was to come. I was the quiet one and my brother
well … he was more than a handful. To the point that people doubted in school
if we both were related. I was quiet in comparison to my rebellious brother but
I had my own share of stubbornness which wasn’t tolerated or encouraged by my
grandmother.
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Boakai & I on my 10th Birthday.
check my hat out - Granny pekin certified |
We were
provided with everything we needed but rudeness and disrespect was never
tolerated. I was an ill child but that didn’t stop her from plastering few
slaps across my face when I stepped out of line. The cane for my brother is
normally soaked in water for days in order to increase the elasticity. When
that registers on your skin…Only God can save you.
In that small
board house, we lived comfortably and amicably. Even though it was crowded. I
think the crowdedness got us to appreciate the little holes in the walls which
we referred to as our air conditioner because I tell you…nights were sticky and
hot! But guess what that taught us….contentment.
I had friends who were staying
in bigger and better houses but not once did I recall me wanting to live in
their houses. My granny never made us feel like we were missing out on anything.
Together with
my other cousins, we all lived in this crowded board house where the bath and
toilet were outside. So let me tell you now, if you need to do your business,
you better do it right before the doors were bolted with several padlocks and
blocked with mortar and pestle. (To prevent thieves…apparently)
When that door
closes, nothing opens it. To this very day I can tell you that I wee before bed
and that’s a must and I never get up during the night. There are various types
of disciplines but that was bladder discipline at its finest!
Have you ever
taken a bath outside, under a running tap? Then you must add that to your
bucket list. Bath time is an event in our household. My granny has zero
tolerance towards bad body odour. Armpits were layered with lime and left to
marinate for few minutes and the teeth is first scrubbed with charcoal before
you can use your toothpaste and brush. There I learnt that my tongue is pink
and not white!
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| The Real MVP on them toes |
This is done every Saturday as she tends to leave us during the
week to do our little thing we do that we call bathing but in her books it’s
rinsing. You don’t know squeaky clean until she has scrubbed you head to toe
with the strongest scrub ever and your toes brushed with the ever-so-strong
scrubbing brush.
After that
all there’s left to do is sleep! Now
that was our lesson in cleanliness!
Saturdays are
cleaning Saturday without fail and without questioning. The house must be
swept, dusted, wiped and our little bath outside must be scrubbed and the
gutter cleaned and the bins taken out. No hoovers!
Then you have
the cooking chores where we help with the cooking preparations. No blenders or
grinders. We used the mortar and pestle and the grinding stone to get things
done. We had a stove but that was only used as an emergency option therefore
that was a luxury. So Three-stone wood-fired stove it was.
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| Where the magic happened |
We all
thought this woman liked working for no reason and there were no happy faces
around, just mere frowns and murmurs and when she sees that frown she will ask
you to fix your face before she fixes it for you. Trust me, you do not want her
to fix your face (more like dismantle)
As for the
murmurs…when asked to repeat what we just said, we lie and say we
weren’t talking to you. Yes you have to lie at this point to save your jawbones
and teeth because they will all go flying and calling for help when that slap
registers.
Now that
taught us the importance of hard work.
Sundays were
to stew as Saturdays were to foo-foo and Saturday soup, okra and the likes. Now
the only problem is I love my cassava leaves and that Sunday stew was becoming
my nightmare. I hated it but do I dare tell my grandmother? Nope…I swallow it like
it’s my Sunday best. After which we all sit and listen to Bongo, a Sierra Leone
radio comedy show. No TV!
I can tell
you that I am a world class human dishwasher. When asked to wash dishes and
bowls and kitchen utensils they all have to pass my grandma’s approval. If not
then I’m sorry but you’re going to do it until you do it right….cheerfully too.
Glasses and tumblers must be so clean that the water must not be seen dripping
in layers...it should flow. Plates squeaky clean and bowls no sign of oil or
smell from cooking ingredients. Her face must be seen in the reflection of the
spoons. This taught us lesson on doing something well or don’t do it at all.
She instilled
in us the importance of knowing God and being in the house of the Lord. Sundays
were set aside for church. Period! If we couldn’t make it to church we prayed
together and I can recite a lot of psalms in the bible. Psalms 23, 91, 123, 100
and more. As for the songs…don’t try me. Hehe. In everything in life, my
grandmother encouraged us to pray about it first. This taught us to be grateful and
never take things for granted.
My
granny taught us simple courtesies, like serving tea and drinks with a
saucer (I don’t see that these days) and waiting for the glass if need be. The
please and thank you must never go unsaid. She taught us the eye language which
she used anywhere and any day. That eye is your cue to stop whatever rudeness
you’re up to, get your life together and register it in your brain that you’re
about to have the whooping of a lifetime when you get home. That eye really
does spoil your day…it’s like a warning of what is to come.
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| Still Magic... |
When you get
home, prepare yourself mentally because the slap or the whooping can happen
anytime, yea even in your sleep. You’ll be there thinking you’re dreaming, no
darling your being whooped for that misbehaviour.
After that
she will then explain to you that it is for your own good and that you’ll thank
her later. (Am I thanking her now…hmm I’m not sure man, I’m not sure. Lool) at
that very moment, those words are not what you want to hear so your anger level
rockets. But you have to sit still, keep a very broad smile on your face and
nod accordingly. Now that was respect!
At school I
never show up at all the parties. I wasn’t allowed. My friends know this. If I
am invited somewhere and want to go, I must earn it. I mean all my house chores
must be done and everywhere clean and tidy. I must be on my best behaviour all
week and there was no room for errors because one mistake could mean I won’t be
going to any social function and guess what, I can’t fight that decision. It’s
final!
And I had curfew too...which was 10pm! Imagine when the party starts,
Doris is heading home.
Chronicles of
a granny pekin!
Once I was
invited to my friend’s birthday party, I gave my grandmother 3 weeks’ notice
and a daily weekly reminder. I was the nicest grandchild that month. I did all
I was told to do, came back home on time from school and my smile was exceptionally
cheesy and bright. Yes all for an answer to this birthday party.
So the day
came, I woke up earlier than usual and I did all I had to do. Scrub my mouth
and greeted my grandmother good morning, (yes you weren’t allowed to say good
morning with a smelly overnight mouth.) and she asked why are you up so early,
I replied, no reason with the gummiest smile ever. But my granny is no fool,
she knew what was up. She piled more chores on me and diligently I carried all
out. All for a party. I really wanted to go so I had no choice.
It was
approaching 4pm when I started getting dressed slowly and her reaction nearly
gave me a heart attack. She was like where do you think you’re going? (The eyes
came out too.)
To which I
replied, the party I told you about, my friend’s birthday. I said you promised
I could go if I did all my house chores. (Her head did a U-turn and the eyes
changed again only this time she squinted it as if she was trying to see if I’m
ok in the head, her body did a little vibration) she went quiet and I nearly
peed my pants (yep, an African parent’s promise holds no guarantee.) she did
this thing where her breathing goes with her eyes and she tilted her screw face
at me and I tell ya my eyes started running water (because I wasn’t sure if I
was crying or just fearing for my life at this point)
She leaned
forward and whispered calmly, take that clothes off, you’re going nowhere. I
nearly collapsed. My heart sunk and now I started shedding real tears like I
lost my dog.
Tremulously I
said but you promised! It was after I uttered the words that I wondered where I
summoned that bravery from. I quickly recollected myself and my face flushed with regret.
She was
walking away when she stopped dead in her tracks and gave me the eye one more
time. That was to say I am finished with you.
Few minutes
later after I was done crying, I was in a corner sulking when she walked in on
me with a plate of biscuits and a pint of Vimto (she knew Vimto was my
favourite) and she was like, why would you want to go out? You don’t want to
keep my company? Is it for the food or the drink? Then she offered me the plate
and the Vimto while saying if it is for the food, here you go eat or the drink,
take this cold Vimto and drink. Oh wait the music? She went on and put the
radio on with a smile on her face.
I can’t say I
didn’t laugh, I laughed (because that’s what you do) but I was still upset. I
went to school the next day and faced the most dreaded question…why weren’t you
at the party? They all knew the answer so I thought to just say it one more
time. My grandma said I wasn’t allowed and the tales of what I missed started
rolling out.
That was my
life…I wasn’t allowed to show up at every occasion. And to this day I choose
where I go because once upon a time, granny said ‘’you don’t have to show up
everywhere.’’
Boys were
more scared of my grandma than they were of my dogs...and we had lots of dogs.
It wasn't easy.
We are such a
large family but my grandmother is the cotton tree. She keeps everyone grounded
and everything centred. No matter how angry or stubborn you are when she
intervenes, she will solve it with her carefully selected words of wisdom, you
tend to see things in different perspective and with a large family, you learn
that it is not always about you. Grandma Ola taught us family values and up to
this day we are a closed knitted family despite everything.
Family is all we’ve
got.
She showed no
favouritism towards anyone. We were all equal in her eyes. We were rewarded for
good behaviour and good grades in school as she always emphasises the
importance of education. Rose Apple was our favourite treat which was divided
into four pieces and shared amongst us.
She taught us
the true meaning of love. My grandmother loves me endlessly. There are things I
question in my life but one thing I will never question is her love for me. She
expresses her love at every given opportunity. She will check that I have
enough to eat and drink at all times. She will make sure my clothes on my back
are clean, hair braided and I smell good. She knows when I am about to fall
ill, she is observant, attentive and always present. She will stand up for us
when need be and never allow anyone to take advantage of us…not even our
mothers.
Up to this
day, her love for me still stands strong. She will call up and check on me
regularly, ask if I’m keeping warm, visit me in the hospital and she never
fails to leave half of her sandwich for me from her breakfast every Sunday. She
will always have her scarf ready to hand me when I’m cold.
A love like
that…. Unconditional and incomparable.
My grandma taught
me how to bridle my tongue. To this present day, I do not swear at no one. I’m
not saying I am a saint, I do use the words every now and again because I am
rebellious like that but I do not swear at people. Never! In my grandma’s eyes,
that was a no go! No compromise and no excuses. She was a disciplinarian but
she never believed in vulgarity. This taught us the importance of words and the
effect it has on people. The tongue is a powerful weapon.
As a granny
of creole descendant, Grandma Ola communicated mostly in parables and I must
say I learnt because there are few parables I can’t decipher. Yup, chronicles
of a granny pekin.
We later
moved to my grandmother’s newly built three-storey concrete house where we were
living it up large. From oven to washing machine to hoovers and microwave...it
was fully furnished and equipped. No more bath outside…YAY! Yea I was happy
because I was getting to that age where I needed my privacy but my grandmother
didn’t think so though…lol In an African household, you’re forever a
child….regardless!
We came from
humble beginnings which helped shape and mould our characters. Today I am a
content and happy girl, seen it all. Been there done that and I won’t change a
thing. (Maybe reverse some of the whoopings….yea!)
My childhood
was great and I never felt like I missed anything. All I needed, was provided. Today,
Material things do not move me but a good character in a person entices me and I
do not value material things over people. Yea all thanks to my grandmother.
My foundation
was solid for that I am grateful. I am implementing all these values in my daily
life and I am ever so grateful for such upbringing.
If this is
what they mean when they labelled me granny pekin…then I gladly claim the
title.
I haven’t
turned out too bad….hehe
And more
importantly, my grandmother approves and that’s all that matters. (She’s only waiting on the great grand kids now)
And I will
pass these values on to them….by God’s grace!
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| Unconditional Love |
Grandma Ola I
wish you many more years to come in good health because at this stage in your
life, all you need is more years in good health. I love you and I love you.
Till then
Xoxo
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