The Girl with the Muted Elegance.

Girl I see you.

I see you struggling with your emotions. I see you behind that pretty I’m-Okay mask and behind that beautiful smile I see that teary eye.

Behind The Mask...

From a distance I sense your pain and your wavering self-esteem. I see you battle to get through the day and I see you play the happy girl.

I see you girl…I see you and I respect your strength.

I see you using social media as your therapist. And leaning on those likes and comments for validation. Girl I see you. I see you trying to find yourself through people and but all I really see is you getting lost in them.

I see how you diligently make Facebook your journal. But again I see a beautiful girl misplaced looking for answers in all the wrong places… I see a girl with endless capabilities.

I see your distracting mechanism. I see you snap at every little thing because you’re at your wits’ end. Take life off girl and rest.

I see you but I am not here to judge you. Heck I can’t judge you and I will never will be qualified to Judge you.

Girl I see you because I have been there. I was once that girl. I was that lost little girl.

But I am here to tell you that it’s going to be okay. All will be well and all will be well.

I was able to see you because we are one of the same. I like weird and awkward people. I like the rejects and I like the six fingers and the odd ducks. I like the misunderstood and I like the lost and broken. I like the loners, the one strand of grey hair and the underdog. I like the girl with scars and above all I love the girl with the muted elegance.

You know why? Because I am all of those.

It is perfectly okay to be vulnerable because vulnerability is transparency. It is okay to cry. I cry too. It is okay to not have it all together because that is the beautiful thing about life…none of us have life on a lockdown. We’re all trying to figure it out. One mistake at a time.

We're All Trying To Figure it Out

Stop beating yourself up. Stop walking on egg shells. Stop wallowing in self-pity and sadness. Stop. Stop being unkind to yourself. There’s insurmountable power in self-acceptance. Love yourself a little bit more…just a little bit more. Enough to not doubt yourself when you slip and fall.

You may never be enough in the eyes of some people and you may never be that girl but remember you’re not here to fit into a box. Look in the mirror and when you do, look into your eyes and there you will see the beauty that lies within.

Forget what you’ve heard. Forget what they’ve told you but more importantly recognise what you see.

Girl I can see the beauty. I can see the potential and I can see your greatness but it hurts me more to watch you whittle away…one Facebook status at a time.

So what… you failed at your relationship or you failed at being the super girlfriend. Or you failed at being the doting daughter or maybe those grades didn’t add up? So what? So what you failed at your job…so what?!

No experience is wasted. And don’t build a mansion on Regret Street.

Failure is information. Struggle is redirection. Ride your Journey.

When the lights go off, speak to that dark moment and ask it what are you here to teach me? Because believe me…every set back comes with a message. Listen up. Listen up girl.

Find yourself in your quiet moment. This can’t be done on Facebook. It can’t be done on twitter or snapchat. Social media is not your therapist. Believe me when I say out of the same mouth that releases praises…from there comes the harsh criticisms. People are trolling on social media looking for entertainment with a handful of popcorn and cola on the other hand.

Screenshots flying from one WhatsApp forum to the other. Your struggle becomes their tea and your life’s fight becomes their bedtime story. The truth is, if you put it out there for all to see, don’t be mad when you become the tea of the day. Don’t make yourself a victim.

Are you going to keep running to Facebook when things go wrong? I would love to promise you sunshine all year but that's not going to happen, there are going to be rainy days.. because that is life.

As a young girl I want you to own a journal. Pen down every challenging moment. And when you feel the urge to update your social media run to your journal…pen it down. When you feel the urge for validation, pray, pick up that pen and Journal and start writing.

Get A Journal

You'll Thank Me Later

When it gets too much, don’t be afraid to cry and above all remember there’s a God waiting on you to call on him. Man is fickle but God’s love is unwavering.

It works wonder. I assure you…that pen and journal will never judge you neither will God because he is not here for the righteous.

To the girl with the muted elegance…I challenge you to:

Learn to be alone. Enjoy your own company. Respect yourself and be kind to yourself. Speak positivity into your being and be true to yourself. Unapologetically ride your wave. Celebrate yourself. Stay prayed up.

Don’t try to figure it all in a day. Drink a lot of water. Life happens one day at a time.

You've Got This!

Our darkest moments lead us to a new passion and love for life. Wait on it.

And after it all, I hope you come out screaming. I hope you unmute your elegance. I’m here waiting…waiting to see you be the girl who will inspire other girls to use their voice.

I am waiting…patiently because I believe you’re going to come out of this stronger and wiser.

I want to see you be that girl. That Young girl who can do all things.

You'll Find A Way

Remember there’s nothing to prove to anyone. Live with an unmuted elegance and love yourself for the beautiful ambiguity that you are.

Allow Him

From the girl that cares…

From a distance.

With Love

Till Then

Xoxo

The Dare

I Dare You

He says...

I dare you to tell me how you really feel. Do not just let me assume things. I understand the fear but I know you better than you think. You are waiting for something. What? Are you afraid to be the first to say it?

If you love me, why don’t you just say it? Do you think I’ll go running for the hills? Are you not convinced that I love you?

I dare you to share your pains and fears with me. Let me into your darkest place and let me hold the torch for you. I challenge you to let me carry more than just your bag when your hands are full or your shoes after a long night out.

I dare you to let me take care of you, let me love you even when you don’t feel like being loved. Do not lock me out in hopes of protecting me when you are at your weakest. Let me be your strength. Teach me how to soldier on with you.

I Dare You To Let Me Take Care Of You...

When they tell you about me, I dare you to defend me and tell them you chose me. You chose me knowing I was not perfect. When my past comes knocking, I dare you to hold my hand as we face it together. I dare you to not judge me.

Even when I say or do things to annoy you, I dare you to sit me down and tell me exactly what you think of my actions. However, I dare you to never give up on me. When I feel like I have lost the butterflies, I dare you to stay and remind me of the first time you touched my heart. When others attack you because of me, do not run. Let me prove my love to you.

When I make a fool of myself, I challenge you to laugh and remind me not to take things serious. I dare you to be my home. Let me tell you about the secrets I kept all these years. Be my safe place. When I cannot discuss work, I dare you to take my mind off it. Encourage me to share my hopes and dreams with you even when they may seem ridiculous.

When i Make a Fool Of Myself,
i Challenge You To Laugh With Me...

If you ever feel like I no longer make you happy, I dare you to stay and fight for us. Tell me you love me as often as you feel it not just when you think I need to hear it. When you are upset with me, talk to me. Do not shut me out. Tell me how you always feel without reservations.

When I am studying for my speech in the morning, I dare you to lay your head on my lap and critique my every word. If I have to stay late at work, never accept it. Remind me of where my priorities should be.  When you feel like you’ve got no more fight left in you, let me fight for you.

Do not go gently into that good night, scream, kick, and push as hard as you can. I will always be there to grab your hand. I cannot promise you the stars or the world…but I will love you. I will love you with every fibre of my being.

When we are being tested, let me be selfish with my love. Let me refuse to take no for an answer. Let me beg God each hour for you. Do not hide you tears. Let me cry with you. I dare you to hold on with every ounce of your might. Most importantly, remind me to always laugh with you.

Let Me Beg God Each Hour For You...

Endure my silly jokes with a smile. Laugh with me when I try to put on a serious face around people we find funny. Surprise me anyway even though you know I hate surprises. When I sing in the shower, join me and lets sing our duet. When I am a mess because I’m sick, call me a big baby and treat me like one.

I ask you to show me you trust in what we have. It may not have been what either of us expected but it is pure and true.  So whenever I am angry with you, I want you to remember that I love you. Do not apologise because you want to make me happy when I am wrong. Tell me you love me and stand your ground. I will fuss but I will admit my wrong.

If you think another might have won my heart, I dare you to challenge me to prove you wrong. I promise you that I’ll never betray your love because its value is immeasurable. You are not always going to love me but love me anyway.

You Are Not Always Going To Love Me
 But Love Me Anyway...

Promise me you will never keep your feelings from me. When the world gives up on me, I challenge you to not give up on me. Share your dreams with me and let me share mine with you.

I dare you to explore the world with me. Get lost with me. When I am down, pick me up and remind me of the man I am. I dare you to not hide behind your independence. When I cry, know that I do so without fear of judgement because I do so in the presence of my love.

I promise to tell you everything about me. I promise to always be there for you. I promise to always love you. While I might fail you at times, I dare you to never give up on me. The next time we speak, I dare you to tell me exactly how you feel.

I love you.





Credits

Writer: Mr Ganda
You can check more of his work by clicking the link below.

Official Site Of The Writer - Mr Ganda






Till Next Time



Xoxo

From Ordinary to The Extraordinary

Just won’t settle.

That’s it.

I’ve always had an overstretched mind flooded with chaotic thoughts. A taste bud which have often been described as fairy tale like. But when you encounter a soul that teases your taste buds, make your eyes see differently and awaken your senses……you can’t go back.

Why?

You have been stretched, probably not to your limits but have you ever seen a rubber band go back to its usual width and girth after being stretched?! Me neither

Whatever is normal, i do not wish to find out....

How do you go back to normal?! After all this, normal ceases to exist and Normal have never appealed to me anyway. Hold up, whatever is normal?

I guess I shall never find out.

You came like a storm in the summer. I was unprepared. Oh no I wasn’t ready. One thing is for sure, I live for the unplanned moments. The moments that leaves me breathless, transports you to another realm and it gets you thinking, where have you been all this while?!

You came like a lion among a swarm of bees, sweeping everything in your way to the curb. I never saw it coming and I think I missed that memo. You came like a burst of fresh air, giving the atmosphere all that good vibe and all that jazz. I liked it. I liked it a lot.

I tried to question it but I came up with no answers. I tried to make sense of it but failed miserably and again I tried to understand it but then I realised it is not my place. Some moments are best enjoyed and savoured in and letting it all go. As if I needed an answer, I was watching Mistresses when one of the characters said:

‘’...maybe it’s good to let go off plans and just make room for amazing things to happen.’’

I like questioning, maybe that was my answer right there. I like knowing but I learned that I can’t always control what happens to me, I can only choose the way I react towards it all.



Great conversation. Amazing time. Natural connection. Deep provoking thoughts. Mind sex. Stimulating intellect. Mind orgasms. Just great time, you know what I mean, great time that creates moments you will remember for the most part of your days if not the rest.

The moments where you entwine fingers and your heart skips a beat. The moments when you’re awaken by a nice warm cuddle and a gentle kiss on the forehead that speaks a thousand words. The moment when you elbows meet and you feel that shiver down your spine like a raindrop on a cold winter’s day.

All Shades of Yes...

That feeling is what is what I live for. This moment is why I won’t settle. This is the reason why I know no grey areas. Even if it’s just for a short while, everyone must experience this feeling that you can’t quite put into words you can only take a deep sigh and close your eyes to relieve part of that moment ever so often.

While others brag of great sex, with a silent confidence and dignity you delivered mind orgasm, the unforgettable and all the unimaginable. I liked that a lot. Happy as a lark and a child without a care in the world, the little heart danced.

Be with Someone who you Can Be a Fool With...

Rarely do you come across someone that makes you think like there’s no box. How often do you come across someone who just make you smile like a Cheshire cat all day long? Someone who makes you want to do better and be better, someone who you can totally be yourself with without having to put up a face.

That is priceless.

A thoughtful person. Emotional intelligence. They hear what you’re not saying. Attentive. They find the true meaning behind your words. Kind. Your silences are never awkward. Every eye gaze sends an electric storm down your spine.

Now, that doesn’t happen every day.

’You light a fire inside of me that would make even the sun envious.’

Our generation brags about designers they can’t spell and alcohol they can’t even pronounce but when you check the worth of their brains, it’s not brag worthy. Priorities wrong and scattered all over the place. Spend time to add value to yourself. Make yourself indispensable. Stop bragging about simple things. I once read somewhere, Intelligence will never stop being beautiful….and that’s just it.

You want to brag about sex but you’re forgetting that sex is deeper than what meets the eye. It is deeper than a few inches of penetration but your shallow mind won’t allow you to think any different. When a woman bares her soul, she is telling you more than you can see, you have to listen with a third ear. She’s trusting you, and sending a message, whatever that message might be you have to be attentive and willing to understand it. Sex is a soul dance, sex is two souls in agreement but you want to just brag and talk about it all day like it’s nothing. What i mean is, you need some dose of intellect to understand and comprehend that.

Again i say, intelligence will never go out of fashion.

It's Rare, but it still exists....

If sex is all you have to offer, what happens when you’re grey and old? What do you laugh at and what memories would you have created if not in between the sheets?


The biggest mistake you will make is to drift off from someone who you once had the time of your life with. When you find something like that, even if the moment lasted for a brief while, hold on to that story because in years to come you will tell your stories to your daughters and light up a fire in them while giving them hope that life doesn’t always give lemons, if we look hard enough.


As my girl Maya Angelou rightly said, when you know better you do better.


Don’t settle for what is convenient, don’t settle for normal heck I mean don’t settle at all if it doesn’t speak to your little heart. The simple things makes up for the great big things in the end. Live for the moments that you can’t put into words.

Sometimes...

Whatever it is that warms your soul and takes you to that happy place, keep that.




Till then


Xoxo

Sex On The First Date

Dimmed lights…Marvin Gaye playing on the stereo, wine glasses clinking and you’re getting comfortable with each other….the mood is set.

Let's get it ooon….

The Mood Is Set...Emotions are flying

Hold up sister!

Hang on brother!

Sex is not just getting naked. Sex is not just being intimate with a total stranger. Sex is more than the exchange of fluids. Sex is more than skin deep. Sex is not just letting your guard down. Sex is more than a ruffled bed and few used tissues on the floor. Sex is more than a feel-good thang.

Its way more than what you think!

You meet someone and you think you’re in love. Sometimes they don’t feel the same way but you thought sex can change the way they feel about you. Other times lust takes over. Sometimes you give it away for something in exchange. Other times you just can’t help it. Sometimes it is the only way you know how to show your emotions. Other times you’re just insecure, having a bad day, desperate or having low self-esteem.

Sex Is Not a Remedy!

She has a body of a goddess and he has all the packs and muscles intact. You envision them lifting you up to all these positions and heights of excitement. You envision you engulfing and running your hands through all of her curves and edges. Then the butterflies start. Your brain takes a back seat.

Take your brain with you!

Depending on what you’re looking for…Sex on the first date can be a recipe for disaster. (In my opinion) Remember when a person is really into you, they won’t want to grab all the goodies on the first date. If he does, then that says a lot about his character.

Run for the hills

If you offer sex on a platter, there is a huge chance that they won’t turn it down. But why would they?

VALUE

When you know the value of something you don’t just give it away to anyone. You cherish it and take care of it. Some give it away like it is nothing but in the words of Maya Angelou when you know better, you do better. If you know how powerful that thing between your legs is, then you will value it more. Till you learn the power that lies between those legs, you’ll likely to fall short in between sheets and wake up the next morning with a heap of regrets!

You are not alone, do better!

Not a substitute

Surprisingly there are a handful of people that think sex constitutes love. Sex is not a substitute for love and will never be. Sex can’t make them love you. Sex won’t make them walk you down the aisle. Sex won’t make them commit. Sex alone won’t make you the only one, remember most times, you’re not the only one trying to be the only one. They will sure stick around for the goodies but when the jar is empty or when he sees a better looking cookie you become a thing of the past. Where does that leave your battered emotions and vagina?

Sex alone is not enough –

Newsflash – You’re a whole being

There’s so much to you than just your vagina or penis, your boobs and your six packs. You can give so much more than just sex. You’re a human being with a brain, a soul and eyes and nose etc. Make them fall in love with the way you smile. The way you giggle. The way you think and the crazy stuff you say sometimes. The way you sulk. The awkwardness in your walk and the way you get excited when you talk about something passionate. Give them a chance to fall in love with your flaws because when they do that is what will make for a lifetime of laughter and long friendship.

If sex is the only thing you have to offer, what are you bringing to the table?

Familiar Strangers

 ‘’oh we just connected and I felt so comfortable with him like I’ve known him the longest. We felt like familiar strangers. I think he/she is the one’’ I say stop smoking that good kush and give up alcohol because clearly that was lust making an appearance in grand style. That was common sense leaving your body. That is the bullshit excuse you are looking for to justify the sexual escapade you’re planning in your mind. That is you thinking you’re in love.

Stop it!

Familiar Strangers...

 It is better when connected!

Sex is better when you connect on a level. On a spiritual and emotional level, not just physical. Hey I'm no saint but trust me, sex feels waaay better when it’s properly channelled. It is safer and more enjoyable. If you think you’re enjoying sex now, imagine how great it will be with someone you connect with and actually love?!

Wait for it. Take time to build a relationship.

Take Time To Build...

Don’t underestimate the power of sex

Don’t get me wrong, sex is a powerful bonding mechanism. Sex is powerful. It binds bodies and ties soul. Good sex can make paralyse your finances. Good sex can make you want to scream the L word when you don’t even know the meaning of Love. Good sex can lengthen a very bad relationship. Good sex can destroy you. See why you should stay away till the time is right? Abstain till you feel you’re comfortable. Stay away till you’re totally sure of what you’re doing. Don’t allow lust to overshadow your vision. If you can’t handle it, abstain, you won’t die!

Dangerous territory!

Clouds judgement

Sleeping with someone on the first date clouds your vision. All you see is a one way road. No one can tell you anything.  It is always better to know who you’re baring your soul to. It is better to know the person you’re getting naked with.

As I mentioned earlier, sex is more than what meets the eye. Chemistry between two adult is great but you are going to need more than that when you wake up in the morning and look at yourself in the mirror. You are going to need more than that when you finishing moaning and groaning and looking for your panties and boxers on the floor. You’re going to wake up three months later and think ‘’what was I thinking??!!’

You then find out the only thing you have in common exists between the sheets.

Hooked. Addicted. Disabled. Helpless. Needy

Most people I have spoken with, especially women expect a lot after sleeping with a guy. They want a relationship or something long term and permanent. No serious minded girl wants to be a bed hopper. After sex, they feel the need to cling and hold on to this person no matter how unfit he/she is for them. You finally get to know this person but it’s a tad bit too late, you now feel trapped and disabled because you've had sex and leaving won’t be ideal.

This is a bad place to be. You feel imprisoned, especially women.  They become numb to their gut feelings. You become almost helpless and needy.

Needy. Clingy. Helpless

Easy come. Easy go

Hate me for this but if you sleep with someone on the first date, you’re easy. Yes. And you know what they say, easy come easy go. They will leave you dry and hanging and drop you like a wasp. They will have little or no respect for you. They will hardly ever take you seriously. That is not the way you want to be perceived but can you blame them?! Anything easily gained is hardly respected, valued and cherished. Someone who is genuinely interested in you will wait. Now this might sound harsh but if you were that easy to get you will be easily forgotten.

Ladies 

We especially need to be careful about sex. Men will say anything to get some and if you’re offering on a platter, even better. They will do anything to get into your panties, blame society but the way it is, fingers are pointing towards us more if we engage in countless sexual escapades with different partners. That thing between your legs is powerful, use it like you know the value of it. Flirt all you like, safe flirting but once you jump into that bed it’s a different story. Try not to write a regret story.

Some people grow old with their first sexual partner. Some people get married to their one night stander. Others will tell you they have a happy family with someone they had sex on the first date with. Everyone story is different.

However, Personally I wouldn't advice it.

All the guys whistling at you and blowing your phone off with countless messages doesn't mean you’re the hottest. It doesn't even mean you are that chick. It doesn't mean you are the ‘’baddest’’ either. In fact it doesn't mean anything! Don’t be gullible. Don’t be naive. Get off that hype.

I do not believe in rules and all that but that is not to say you shouldn't act wisely. Who is to say that guy who waited for 6 months won’t hop and leave as soon as he gets some? Who’s to say?!! There are no rules to this game.

Men will tell you oh we don’t have time for all the childish games but they will sit with their mates and shout oh I love a challenge, these chicks are too easy!

Don’t be fooled.

Be mature about it

If you by any chance messed up like we all do, be an adult about it. Play safe, sexually transmitted diseases are real. Be wise, unwanted pregnancy is not the way forward. Remember no one forced you to do it, take responsibility and fix it. Please think of how it’ll affect you rather than how the guy will see you. You are more important.

We have all been stupid in love…and in bed!

Remember, your naked body is ONLY for someone who is in love with your naked soul

Till next time...

xoxo

Life Happens

Sometimes life happens and you just can’t lay a finger on what really happened.

Sometimes we think we know everything. We think we have this thing called life all figured out and in the twinkle of an eye the magic carpet is drawn from underneath us and we lose our balance. The plot thickens and the map becomes eligible. Where do we go from here?!

You’re young, free and wild and you live everyday like it’s the summer holiday. Not a care in the world and by the time you know it, Life hits you. It hits like a b*tch right on the place where it hurts. One minute everything was going as planned, and the next it’s like you’re going through a turbulent roller-coaster. What actually changed?

That Almost Perfect life... *SIGH*

You thought of this life, this life that is full of hopes, dreams and all good things that ever existed. You dreamt of the ideal job and perfect husband. The big house by the seaside and 5 kids running around in the back garden, dog and cat playing in harmony and you dreamt and dreamt. You dreamt of a life of abundance, bliss and lavish and a life of no worries.

 HOPES & DREAMS & ASPIRATION, hold on to that...

But you wake up one morning and things are never the same. You start to fight to recognize who you are. You struggle to find the next step. You lost sight of everything that once seemed so clear. Dreams start to look like nightmare and the life you have dreamt of for so long seems like a mere fairy tale from your favorite childhood movie. Life appears to be stagnant! 

Did you just stopped Dreaming?! How dare you!

However, you continue to dream, continue to wish and never once in your life stop to be the dreamer. No matter what anyone says. No matter how long it takes.Dream as much as you can but back those dreams with action.

In the midst of that stagnant situation, life happens. Life happens and we find ourselves. Yes the life you've dreamt of, the ideal life you imagined and the life everyone called a mere fairy tale happened all of a sudden. Sometimes we just need to be still to regain the lost plot. We need to be still to be able to listen we need to be still to hear the still small voice.

Right in the middle of all the shattered dreams, fading hopes and vanishing aspirations, we learn life’s valuable lessons. We learn the essence of patience, persistence, hard work, hope, trust and the art of believing and finding happiness in every situation life presents.

Above all we learn to trust God more and lean not on our own understanding. We learn to trust God’s timing, we learn and we learn and we learn. We start to look at life through a different lens. We gain a clearer vision and become a better person with a new meaning for life. You become a dreamer with a vision.

PROVERBS 3: 5-6

People tell me I am looking for a fairy tale kind of love, a fairy tale life but what they don’t understand is I am a dreamer in search of a dreamer and one day I am going to wake up next to my dreamer. Only a dreamer knows the heart of a dreamer. They say I wish for fairy tale but I only wish for what my heart desires, and so should you.

I believe in magic. I believe in miracles. I believe because there are immeasurable reasons for us to believe when I venture to open my eyes and look around. Think about the trees that flourish with no one to care for them and the sun shining every day but rarely appreciated. Imagine the rainbow and the clouds, even the wind and the stars. Tell me why I shouldn't believe in magic, miracles and my dreams.

Till you get what is it you're finding, don't settle...

What if you didn't get the life you dreamt of? What if things haven’t gone the way you dreamt it? So what?! Life goes on. Life continues to roll beautifully just make sure you set time apart to see the beauty in every passing second – as hard as this might be.

Have the COURAGE to continue dreaming...

Don’t dim the light. Never stop dreaming. Continue to fuel your dream. Never lose hope. Once there is life, there is this thing called hope. You’re going to wake up one day living that dream you have dreamt like forever. You’re going to be experiencing the life that the non-dreamers said was just a fairy tale.

Never Lose Sight Of HOPE...

This is the big wide world. Shake off those ridiculous rules you set for yourself and take your happiness seriously. Walk away from anything that refuses to plaster a smile on your soul. Your happiness is serious business.

Believe. STAND IN A POSITION OF STRENGTH and not of insecurity and fear. Stand strong and firm and remember that even miracles and dreams take a little time. 

........and baby you just have to be patient.

There is always something to smile about if only we take the time to look around.

With that i will leave you with my favorite Scott Fitzgerald quote.

Believe. Dream. Hope. Aspire.

Till then

xoxo