The Almost Lover

Be mindful of the almost lover!

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He will put a smile on your face because he knows all your favourite things. He will come into your life, read the rules so he can break them and you won’t even know it.

He will give you uncontrollable laughter and moments that will have you smiling in public like a Cheshire cat and in your silent moments like a village idiot.

But he’s just an almost lover.

He is a dream, the dream. But do not forget nightmares are dreams too.

He will say the right things but listen carefully because he will make no promises. His language will be casual just like what he is offering. He will be fluent in almosts.

He will be around but never around, pay attention. He will do the right things but just enough for him to keep you around. He likes having you around but never in. He thrives in almosts and his whole vibe is poison. That type our grandmothers warned us against and our mothers prayed against.

He will do just what will have you thinking you have a good one. Sister, you have nothing.

He will get you twisted into giving your all while he gets away with giving back so little. He will be committed but he can never claim you.

He enjoys the benefits of a relationship but doesn’t want to be in one. He will play house and play the part well. He is the busy guy that is full of excuses but when he is around, he is full of cloud nine feels.

He thinks he is God’s gift to humanity and will make you feel like you’re lucky to have him. He will set the boundaries and he will make the rules. He will want you.

But just because he wants you doesn’t mean he values you. At least not enough to call you his.

At least not enough...

He is the innocent looking guy, the devil in a blue suit, he is the disguise and the exact shade of wrong. He knows God and will have you thinking all sorts. He is a bag of illusion and a seller of dreams. He is Mr tall dark and handsome.

He will be everything you’ve ever wished for. He is capable of loving but he will not love you...he is just an almost lover.

He will show you that he cares but never enough to show that he loves you. He is crafty and clever, he will say so little with so much and your mind will play tricks on you.

And when you think you’re about to hit the next level, he subtly reminds you of the boundaries of what you are and what you’re not without saying a word.

The almost lover is not deceitful and tell no lies, he plays with your emotions and toys with your mind. He gives feels and leaves you in a shitload of assumptions. He is the type to tell you the grass is pink and you won’t even question it.

See… he tells you and you believe because common sense is gone. The ability to question what he offers and what he says is missing. Because he sold you a dream and you were a willing buyer.

We all know the grass is not pink and will never be pink…but you believed. He is not the problem. You are the problem.

He is just an almost lover.

Again, he makes the rules and lays the boundaries. He will act the part but never be the actual. He is Mr almost, the actor who specialises in confusion. If you let him, he’ll leave you confused and discombobulated.

Don’t fall for it. Run!

And if you have to ask him what are we...you’re actually nothing. Don’t wait around for him to decide if he wants you in his life or not. Don’t hang on to every crumb he’s feeding at the dinner table...get up from the table when you have that gut feeling that love is no longer in the menu.

Don’t allow fear to hold you back.

You might want to be angry and annoyed and disgusted with Mr almost lover but you shouldn’t be. He is not the problem.

You Allowed Him...You weren't naive,
He was just good at what he does.

I am going to be really harsh and say be angry and annoyed with yourself. You allowed him. You let him into your life. He overstayed. Took what he shouldn’t be taking and claimed things he wasn’t entitled to. You let him stay for so long. You let him break pieces in your house. You allowed him in and bought all the dreams that he sold so well.

See, he is a seller and will sell to any willing buyer. Unfortunately, you were one.

You weren’t naïve. He was just good at what he does which is being Mr Almost Lover.

He is the almost lover but you allowed him to be Mr almost lover in YOUR life. Everything he got away with, you let him.

You let him…hoping Mr almost lover would change to the one.

Ask questions…like heck ask them! Use your outdoor voice and demand what you want. If you’re unhappy about something, speak up. Don’t shrink yourself in the name of love. It is always better to know the truth than to swim in a lake of assumptions and dwell in a fool’s paradise pretending to be happy.

He likes you, he likes you a lot and might even be missing you but not enough to call you his woman. He will never choose you and you will never be a priority in his life. When he talks about the things he loves, he will never mention you and when he speaks of his future your name doesn’t come up.

It’s not there, was never there. You can’t make someone meet you at the bridge. You can give him the best directions, you can even hold his hands there but you can’t make him stay.

He is full of feels and tastes of what you can get but will never get with him. He is so honest it hurts and that was the problem. If he is honest enough to let you know what it is, why can’t you be good to yourself and honest with him and let him know how you feel instead of building a castle in a fool’s paradise?

Don’t lose yourself in the process of finding someone. You are magnificent and you are enough. You are someone’s answered prayers but the wrong focus can divert you from the right people and the right things.

If he doesn’t choose you, I want you to choose yourself and walk away. It is only the end of the world when you refuse to choose You.

You are worthy, worthy of a love that will stay. You deserve way more than Mr Almost Lover.

Life is short so fill it with people that want to stay with you. People that adores you and things that make you happy. Be courageous and start again if you must but at your own pace.

He is Mr Almost lover and that is his deficiency. His inability to love you wholly should never taint your crown. Or have you question yourself.

You have a lot of love to give but don’t waste it on the wrong person. You deserve a love that will claim you, want you and choose you.

You deserve a love that you don’t have to question. You deserve a love that will say yes to you each day without hesitation. A love that screams yes and not spills maybes. A love that will know what they have when they have you. That God kind.

It’s out there, do not settle for crumbs!

Till then

xoxo

Defining success….on your own terms

Create Your Own Wave

Relax

You’re doing fine. You’re doing great and you’re going to be alright.

Its baby steps till you get to where you’re meant to be. It’s one day at a time till you achieve that which you set out to achieve.

The definition of success have been shoved and pushed down our throats to the point that we think success has a universal face. No it doesn’t.

We’ve sized up success to be this one size fits all garment. Wear. Just wear, it will suit you. Perfectly. Take the universal umbrella and run with it!

Save your strength and stop!

Are you going to allow society to define success for you?

Are you going to be blinded by society’s standards of success?

Are you going to be burdened and amputated by the expectations of society?

Are you going to be lowered, reduced and dragged around by the success you see and read about daily?

Depressed and worried that you’re not doing enough. Sick and tired of the pace at which you’re progressing. Beating yourself up daily because you fail to measure up to the universal gauge of success.

So we live in fear and depression of not measuring up to what society deems as success.

It could all be so easy but we as humans are always looking for a map, some sort of guidelines, life manual or a list. Stop killing yourself slowly. Were you born with instructions?

Free your potential.

You must first understand and identify what is success to you. If you don’t know then you’ll be easily pushed around by the expectations of everyone else.

Walk in your own lane. Pave your own path at your own pace. Be prayerful and commit every move into God’s hands. Be proud of your littlest accomplishments. Celebrate every little achievement. Recognise your strength. Work on your shortcomings. Do not champion your weaknesses. Acknowledge your efforts and when you fail do not stop. Take a rest and try again.

Never push yourself to exhaustion. Amidst all your hard work, make sure you protect your happy.

Mama has spoken...Major Key!

If you gain the world and it can’t even put a smile on your face then you my friend is not succeeding.

If by any chance the only mountain you were able to move was you getting out of bed, so be it. Some days everything will go wrong, that doesn’t mean you’re a failure. Understand that you cannot give more than what is in you so always protect your well-being. And at the end after you’ve given your 100 and that extra 10%, sleep with satisfaction for you have done your best and remember your best is always good enough.

You fail at a task so what? Pick yourself up and try again. Most successes today were built on roadblocks of failures. Today they have a story, a story that inspires.

I encourage you to build yours….even if it’s one that everyone laughs at today at least it’s your story.

Don’t be distracted by the next man’s success. Don’t be jealous. You do not know how much they’ve prayed. My friend once tweeted that prayer is free…and indeed it is. So stay prayed up.

Avoid comparison for it is the greatest thief of time. Avoid looking back. Understand that you are in a competition with no one but the person you were yesterday.

Don’t allow anyone to scare you. Don’t allow fear to inhibit your potential. You have everything you need to succeed in you. Remember the grace of God will never take you where the grace of God cannot protect you.

Focus!

How Many People Have You Helped?

There is no universal definition for success and success does not have a face, tone or shape. Success does not come in this glamorous package either. Success is not one size fits all.

Success is more an internal affair than external. You find it within first.

Personally money and wealth makes a fine pillow and offers a comfortable ride in this thing called life but they don’t count as success for me.

I know a lot of wealthy people who are not successful at life. Funny right? Well its possible and its sad so don’t let that be you.

Do you want to know what success is to me?

Here we go…

Success in my life is good health, happiness and love of family. Success is me able to hear the voice of my grandmother and loved ones. Success in my life is being able to do the little but significant things for myself. Success is being able to see the sunrise, watch the sunset and being able to hear the pitter patter of the rain drops. Success is being able to hear my niece and nephews saying I love you Aunt Doris. Success is coming home to peace and quiet and the smell of my dinner from last night. Success is me coiled up on my sofa with my laptop on my lap and television on my favorite channel. Success is me lying on my bed listening to my favorite songs. Success is me having the strength to praise God, my maker. Success is me being able to inspire you by my ordinary, mundane and rather boring life.

For me it is my truth, it is raw and unedited and it is genuine. It requires no approval and I do not need to paint it to make it look like yours. I don’t need to deceive you into thinking my life is perfect and I succeed in all my endeavors.

I fail sometimes. I cry too and I have bad days ever so often. Just like everyone else.

Whether you choose to interpret my idea of success as ordinary, boring or exciting and crazy that is entirely up to you and I respect it.

You know why?

Because your definition of success does not have to be packaged the same way mine is and that my friend is the beauty of success.

Not all of us were born to conquer the world and make significant difference in a big, loud and massive way. Some of us were put on this earth to make the most significant difference in the most subtle manner.

You can succeed in farming, you can also be a success in politics, you can succeed in construction and you can be a success in teaching. You can be a success in mothering.

Whatever success is to you, embrace it unapologetically and be that!

You have your definition of success. Stick to it and work on it.

No one can tell you what success is to you but you. Unless they know what your capabilities, needs, weaknesses and strength are, then they can’t tell you nothing. Stay away from they and idle chatter and construct your own path towards success.

Define success on your own terms and package it the way you want to. Wrap it up how you’d like to see it and appreciate it for what it is.

It is your journey and it is your life. Ride it like its golden.

Remember a major part of being a success is maintaining your happy.

Till then

Xoxo