50 Shades Of Grey

To some people grey is just a dull colour, to some, they're actually living in the grey...
but how and why?

But love is...

Black is always black…its almost undeniable and so is white, very prominent. The thing about grey…if you look at it too long you’ll start to see traces of white and other days traces of black. 

Basically that is the confusion zone. Aka the side chick zone.
Eurgh I hate that word! Side chick!! It oozes so much disrespect. Why would anyone want to be that?! 

Anyway…

Most often we tell ourselves that love is black and white. Well at least that’s how it’s supposed to be. The white means you’re bae. 
Relationship on fleek! Whoohoo

The black means, well you might have worked that out. Sorry yeh

The grey however is the most often denied and ignored position. It is where you stand when you don’t know if you’re black or white, if the sun is going to shine or if the storm will win, if they’ll look for you or if they will never turn back. The grey area, where you don’t know if you’re coming or going. 

Here goes...

The grey area - where we stand and fight (shout out to all the soldiers) – But know when to let go and when to stay and fight. Are they giving you something to fight for? Are they giving you reasons to stay? Do they even want you to fight for them? This might just be a war with yourself!


The grey area – the home of unanswered questions – the chances are we know the answer to these questions but our delusional self won’t permit us to think right so we cultivate lies and deceit, wrap it with a ribbon and call it a bouquet. You’ll learn soon enough!


The grey are - where we see red and call it green.  Red as we all know means to stop or possibly danger. Stop being a damn fool. Stop deceiving yourself. Stop lowering your self-esteem. Stop taking jewels off your crown. Stop breaking your bones in pieces to fit in. stop giving everything to people who have no plans for you. Stop discounting your valuables. Stop making excuses for boneless spines. Stop being a grave yard to dead bones. Stop. Stop. Just stop!

They're Just Not That Into You...
Even a shorter dress doesn't do the magic...sorry yeh

The grey area - where we put flowers on an asshole (excuse my French) and call it a vase – Stop it. Even if you stuff the hole in an ass, they will still remain an ass. You know what they say, if it looks, walks and quack like a duck…


The grey area- where you build a castle, crown yourself the village idiot. Cooking and cleaning your way into oblivion. Showering their hearts with luxurious gifts. Praying and fasting steadily like the world is about to end. Even your loyalty is unmatched. Loyalty to a heart that doesn’t acknowledge your mere being. (This is serious)  Sorry … all that won’t make you ‘’The One’’. Have you tried that thing where we put one foot in front of the other and walk away, better still run? Maybe you should.


The grey area – where we believe their silence is them making up their minds and their no replies is them being too busy building their empire. All the while you’re forgetting that indecisiveness is an answer. Why must someone struggle to love you? Silence is an answer too. Take it and run. Find the exit and never look back! 


The grey area - where you think they’re giving you mixed signals – No love, no one is mixing anything. Chances are you’re the only one experiencing mixed signals. They have couple of your kinds and they are reaping the benefits steadily. Why buy the cow?! Free milk never felt so good huh?!


The grey area - where one person is catching feelings and building castles in the air and the other is sipping on earl grey like the boss that is Kermit! 


The grey area - where the baboon works its behind off and the monkey is sitting high and mighty, eating all the harvest. It really doesn’t have to be that way! When the feeling is mutual the effort would be equal.


The grey area – where one person is gloriously swimming in pride and ego thinking they’re too good and the other is shredding and losing self, one heart beat at a time. Dead soul is no good to no man, not even yourself. Stop it.


The grey area - where Sleepless nights, headache, frustration, anger and tears are the kings of the castle. They rule your heart and they have succeeded in driving happiness away. Bravo…I hope it’s worth it!


The grey area- where you’ve grasped onto the quote ‘’Patience is golden’’ and ‘’the patient dog eats the fattest bone’’ Patience in this case is not that golden and the only thing you’ll be eating is air, warm or cold you get to choose! 

  
The grey area - The lukewarm zone where you’re not even sure if your tea tastes nice because it’s actually a perfect cuppa or because you’re just thirsty and you’re not even sure if your sandwich is 3 days old or freshly made because the sense of being has left you…totally. You rolled from living to existing mode real quick!


The grey area- where you become the convenience corner store. When they need that quick fix at 2am or that feel good feeling, you’re there, holding on like a true champ! (Clap for yourself) All the while hoping and praying that one day you’ll graduate from a corner store to the main supermarket. That's not hope, that is a disaster!


The grey area- where you’ve successfully and forcefully convinced yourself that ignorance is bliss, that everything is black and white. The problem is you can’t see the grey because you’re sitting on it. Get up, have a look…ahhhh there’s the grey mass. Now buddy go fix yourself! 


The grey area is where they keep you when they’re weighing their options. The grey area is where you allow yourself to stay while someone decides if they want to take on all your awesomeness. You have no business in that corner, you have so much to give to the right person, why wait for someone to struggle to choose between you and someone else?! That my friend, is your cue to fly!


What you must know is that some people even if a good thing whack them across the face and call them daddy or mummy they still won’t recognise it. And that’s nothing to do with you. Be okay with that. You don’t have to win all your battles but be okay with the fact that you fought! 


Don’t try to squeeze your feet into shoe sizes that are too small. You know what you’ll end up with? A feet like mine, full of corns and calluses because I force my poor feet (Your heart) into ill fitted shoes ( that guy or lady)  just because they look nice (Your target)


Why would you fight so hard to prove your awesomeness to someone? Why have sleepless nights over someone who doesn’t even think about your existence? Think about it, if they can’t see your awesomeness then maybe they don’t deserve you in the first place. You can show someone something good but what you can’t do is force them to appreciate it. 

You haven't known pain till you've loved someone
who doesn't love you back!

If they’re not excited as I am to be in that relationship and doing the skelewu then it’s not happening. Why? Because sleepless nights and heart attack is not my portion nor am I trying to build a river with my tears. Above all I love myself better to know that people go hard for what they really care about and if they’re not going hard for me then maybe, just maybe I am not their cup of tea and I am okay with that.

Skelewu, azonto...the full works.
Unapologetic!

Mate…Move away from the grey area, nothing good grows on that piece of land. Don’t you feel lost? Is the confusion not too much for you? The maybes and what ifs, are they not killing you? 

The Grey Area - Looks pretty lonely to me...

Don’t allow someone to poison your meaning of love because when it hurts that bad, it kills your zeal to fully trust your heart to someone else again in the future. Your happiness matters, be kind to yourself. All that love you’re pouring into perforated hearts that don’t know how to love, massage some into yourself so when the right one comes along you will be able to love again.


Women as well as men play this game, so don't rest on your laurels, be watchful. See a friendship for what it is. Take your sanity very seriously, no one is worth that much. The moment you start questioning that’s when you should start getting your acts together. Love is not hard. People who do not know how to love makes love hard! 

There comes a time where one should grab a no and walk away with it…bruh everything doesn’t have to be something. Be at peace with that.

WASTING TIME IS A DANGEROUS GAME.

I dare you to live a purpose driven life!

Remember ...Love Is Black And White!

Till then

Xoxo

The Expectation

The hopes, the expectations, the castles in the air all makes for a rather rude awakening. The fall is pretty serious and landing is never soothing to the bum.

“To wish was to hope, and to hope was to expect”

Most times than often, that awakening is needed. It’s like a slap to reality from reality.

My theory is if you have to be awakened rudely like that then you have no business sleeping. When a situation arises where you can’t sleep you have no business being there in the first place. I have a thing for cosy, sureness and trust and if I can’t experience any of it…it leaves me empty with a lot of questions.

Why fall asleep? Why dose off? Why let your guard down and start expecting and hoping? Heck why do you even shut your eyes? Our expectations always sell us short. It’s all good to be hopeful and expecting people to behave in a certain way. It’s all good to think and expect….but keep your feet grounded, grounded on something solid.

Sometimes I think expectations come from a deep place within ourselves. Expectations comes from our pattern of thinking and trails of thoughts we have so carefully weaved in our heads. It can also be because of what we’re used to. It is a result of what you thought it was or should be. Other times, it is because of what you have experienced and certain experiences leaves you positively expectant.

Positively Expectant...

We expect people to act in a certain way. We expect them to do certain things and behave in a certain fashion and when they don’t that is where the awakening comes in. Yea that rude awakening.

We believe and want them to act in a certain way because we will act in that same manner given the same situation. We believe we will go that far for them so we expect them to do the same. We believe we will bend and break bones for them so we think they’ll be willing to do the same.

“Persons appear to us according to the light we throw upon them from our own minds.

Well it doesn’t work that way unfortunately. People react to situations differently therefore you can’t expect the same level of reaction given the same situation. People think differently and we are all ever so different in various ways. I once read somewhere that when you stop expecting people to behave in a certain way, life becomes easier and you become happier. Expectation in a sense is self-destructive as you slowly build yourself up for disappointment.

'Blessed are they who expect nothing for they shall not be disappointed.”

Expectation is a child born from a comfortable place. I say comfortable because it is a situation or relationship or person or thing you thought you knew, they’ve become your playground, all so familiar and cosy. You knew all the back routes and the ins and out. You feel like you’re home and Boom…..expectation kicks in. Such a familiar territory with an unfamiliar trails. From a comfortable place like that, the awakening is never a good one.

The Awakening...is real

That awakening is your call to duty. It is your call to evaluate and re-evaluate. Look at the situation from all angles and analyse. What made you so expectant? Why did you ever start thinking they will do that for you or be that for you? Why did you even think you mattered that much to them? What sparked that expectation? What gave you hope that the situation would be all you’ve wished for or thought it would be? 

Wake up!

Things don’t pan out your way, so what? Situations don’t turn out as you would have liked, so what? Life goes on. Do not allow yourself to become bitter, frustrated or full of anger because disappointment does that to people. Remember your happiness is paramount. It doesn’t mean the situation was a bad situation or the person is a bad person, it simply means that people are different. People think differently. People react to situations differently.

Waiting and Expecting...

If you can handle the difference, then there is beauty in differences. To each their own. Personally I have learnt to never try to change anyone. As the wise saying goes, if you know how hard it is to change yourself then you will know how little a chance you have of changing others. Inspire change in them but never try to change them.

Accept them wholly or keep it moving. This applies to all situations and everyone. Expectations are always going to be there just remember to not fill your life with resentment and anger when it doesn’t create the vision you envisioned. You can’t expect everyone to be dedicated as you or have the same level of passion as you and this is a mistake made more often than we think.

Lower your expectations of people and you will never be disappointed. This doesn’t make you any less of a human neither does it diminish the person that you are. It doesn’t lower your self-esteem and you can walk with head held high. But what it’ll do is save you from unnecessary anger, pain, resentment and frustration. You really don’t need to be inflicting all that poison into your system. You can’t change people, and some situations are totally out of your control.

“My expectations are sky low, because I’m standing on a mountaintop.” 

Remember you can’t control everything that happens to you and around you but you can control how you react to it.

Till then

Xoxo

121 Deaths In One Day!

I have been putting this post off for a long time but as I was scrolling down on Facebook,  I saw 121 deaths in one day from my motherland, Sierra Leone. I cried.

God where are you?

Who wants to blog about sad stuff, who wants to blog about people dying or even wants to dwell on an outbreak that is destroying our nation one death at a time?! Definitely not me. I created this blog for all things sunshine, all things happy and all things good but unfortunately life is not like that. We wake up one morning and our happy days have been replaced by a deadly disease killing children, adults, the rich and the poor.

Where do we go from here?

I saw the report on the 121 deaths in one day from the BBC website and tears welled up in my eyes. I felt helpless and frustrated. Anger and disappointment filled me just watching my people suffer and die helplessly because our government is busy collecting funds and doing nothing constructive to contain, maintain and eradicate this deadly epidemic. We've become a nation with no hope. I see no way out and this is a bad place to be.

I have never witness anything so deadly. I have never encountered anything this destructive. When i lost a young friend to Ebola, it became more than just mere news, it became a reality. It hits home hard. Yea.... that put a sting on it for me. I have families back home,families consisting of young boys and girls who are constantly living in fear. Afraid and scared and locked within the four walls of their homes. Simply devastating.

Ebola is tearing my nation apart and if you haven’t heard what Ebola is by now, then I don’t know which planet you live on. Ebola is wiping my nation out one day at a time. Now Ebola may look like an African problem because of our poor and inadequate health facilities and mere ignorance which I can’t deny helped play a great part in its spread. I can’t believe there are people who still believe Ebola is a myth and just an easy way of conning money off the international communities. I’m just speechless.

If 121 death in one day is not a wakeup call then I don’t know what is. No country should have to go through this ordeal. No one deserves this, no one!

Employment affected and subsequently putting a dent in the economy. For a nation that was just finding its feet, that is the last thing we need. Education system interrupted and lives have been turned upside down in the pace of few months. People are overdosed from the excessive use of chlorine. You look around and people you once shook hands with are now suspects, even your family becomes a suspect. What a sad way to live.

Health workers in the forefront putting their lives at risk gets the hard fists of Ebola and just in case we haven’t shown enough gratitude, I SAY THANK YOU.

Health workers in the forefront,
Just In case You Forget, we appreciate you!

What is our government doing to help and protect us? Well from what I have learnt, not much. They are meant to seek our interests but the spirit of greed and selfishness won’t let them. They live in safety. They have flown their families out to safety and those who can’t are left at the mercy of this deadly disease. All I hear in the news is this money have been donated, this organisation have donated this amount of item…even if I tried I can’t call the amount that is being donated every now and again. What are we doing with all this funds? I am lost and perplexed. Surely there must be a way out.

Mr Government stop squandering all the money. Heck just stop! Selfishness and greed is not why you were put in authority. Remember these people voted you in because they trusted you. If you are not moved by the tears and cry of the nation can you be at least concerned and moved by the number of deaths per day and the alarming rate at which this disease is spreading. Stop being greedy. Stop and look around. The nation is dying a slow death. How can one be so heartless in the midst of all this?! Stop and listen to the death bells. Stop turning a blind eye to the real issue at hand. Are you going to wait for one of your relatives to be affected before you put real mechanisms and strategies in place to combat this deadly outbreak? Mr Government just stop, take a minute to look around and see what is happening, Maybe just maybe you will be able to open your eyes  and see the tragedy, pain, mayhem and confusion of the nation.

Mr Government, do you ever feel like you've failed us?!

Mr Government, How do you sleep at night knowing the multitude is crying, living in daily fear of death? Do you feel accomplished? Do you feel like you’ve done your best? Do you think you have lived up to the expectations of the nation? Or for a swift moment, do you ever feel a pang of disappointment and failure? Mr Government what are you doing? Stop playing and wake up to the reality of things.

I understand Ebola is not the easiest of things to eradicate or get under control. I totally understand it’s not the cheapest thing to maintain but if the outbreak was initially taken seriously and all precautions put in place as opposed to the continuous denial on the government and the people’s part then we won’t be in the 121 death per day zone. We won’t have lost so many health officials as we have already. We won’t have such high rate of death at all. We wouldn’t have lost so many friends and family to this deadly epidemic. There are African countries bigger than Sierra Leone but they weren’t blind to the realities, they valued life so they took precautions. Why are we like this?!!

Sierra Leoneans are you ready to vote them in government again? Are you ready to beat your drums, cups and pans to make sweet music and moonwalk to the lies they will tell you once again? Are you ready to throw your lappa in the air and dance to the deception? Are the masquerades ready to go and the small and shallow minds ready to digest and collect that bag of rice and a gallon of palm oil? Shine your eyes my people, shine your eyes.

Why are we so gullible and satisfied with so little? Why do we fall for all these lies time and time and again? Why are we so easily fooled? Is this just mere greed on our part or maybe we’re just too trusting? Is this because of poverty and the incapability to provide for our own? Or is it just mere laziness and idleness? We need to do better. Only reward a great work with your claps and dances. You can’t reward a child for being bad, how do you expect them to act right and do better? To make our government work in our favour we have to speak up, act right and work with them.

Sierra Leoneans we have to drop this lackadaisical attitude. We have to do better, if our government have failed us then we need to get it together. We need to educate, enlighten and sensitize ourselves and acknowledge the fact that Ebola is real and that no one is exempted. I may not reside in Sierra Leone but from what I have seen some think this is one big joke. They think they are immune to Ebola. Let’s not act ignorant and put our lives at risk and the lives of others. Prevent and protect.

Certain precautions have been set in place like avoiding public gathering but in Sierra Leone the law is only for those who wish to obey it. Laws and regulations are made but not implemented. People do not acknowledge them or should I say the law only goes so far as your money is willing to spread?! The rich and the well to do are exempted from the law but what we are forgetting is that the rich and well to do are not exempted from Ebola. Get real Sierra Leoneans. Lawlessness is not the way forward especially in desperate times like these.

Now our only hope is God but…

However there’s hope but God helps those who helps themselves. God will only intervene when we are ready for him to. Ebola is not bigger than God, no never! Our God is ageless, timeless and he delivers us in time of trouble but don’t go organising a rally and expect God to show up and save you. It doesn’t work like that. God saves but he is not a magician.

Hope!

Not even Ebola can taint the beautiful image of Sierra Leone in my head. Not even Ebola can take away my fond memories of the motherland. Sierra Leone is still my paradise. Christmas is round the corner, what would normally be spent in Sierra Leone drinking coconut from the shell or star beer at number 2 or Lumley beach while enjoying the sunshine on my skin and breeze through my hair is now looking a lot gloomier, soggy and cold.

Not even Ebola can taint my memories of SIERRA LEONE!

Lumley Beach - taken on one of my holidays in the motherland.

What happened to Sierra Leone? I think Sierra Leoneans happened to Sierra Leone.

Sierra Leone is down but we are not out. We shall rise again. We shall overcome. Our God delivers. He will not leave us neither forsake us. In times of trouble we must be bold enough to call on his name. I know the hardest thing to display now is faith. In the midst of trials and tribulations our faith is low and tested but we must not give up.

God will show up...and show out

God will show up and show out for Sierra Leone in Jesus name!

Here's a poem from a frustrated Sierra Leonean, living in Sierra Leone.

Hope in a time of ‪#‎Ebola‬ by VFORNA.

Ebola comes to a nation,

ruled by ‪#‎poverty‬, ‪#‎ignorance‬, ‪#‎corruption‬,

and there is more;

‪#‎tribalism‬, ‪#‎unpatriotism‬, ‪#‎greed‬.

These are the reasons why,

Ebola may succeed.

I close my eyes to pray,

yet all I see are people dying,

What is happening? 

The doctors and the nurses

the ones giving 

all the caring 

and ‪#‎sensitising‬,

God rest their selfless souls

but with them gone

Ebola may have won

Down my cheeks tears roll,

as I see a child of four in pain,

the mother dead,the two will soon meet again.

Oh ‪#‎SierraLeone‬, ebola has left its dirty,dirty stain.

Education on a stand still,

‪#‎vaccine‬ has not been found still,

People don't know their next step

as the nation tumbles down hill.

Ebola will end,yes it definitely will.

But first we must unite as a nation

Throw away the tribalism

Love our country,increase our ‪#‎patriotism‬. 

Lying - thieving politicians, 

put the country first, 

use the money 

the ‪#‎world‬ sends in. 

Life is but one chance

Sierra Leoneans, kill the ignorance,

Learn ‪#‎hygiene‬.

Ebola is real.

‪#‎Contagious‬,

a bleeder,

Killer headaches and fever,

Ebola is real.

But together,‪#‎united‬ against Ebola,

there is hope still.

~ Victor Osman Forna

Don't allow Ebola to taint this image of our beloved land inyour head.
We shall overcome!

Till then

Xoxo