Wednesday, 9 December 2015

10 Seriously Insane and Ridiculous Trendy Craze in 2015

1. Over juicing and over grinding –  I think 90% of us own a juicer or a smoothie machine as I am penning this and the rest are just waiting for it to go on sale. We are all about that eat clean and get lean life, which is great, don’t get me wrong. We grind and smash everything in the way. From nuts to kale to spinach, you name it and everything is organic. Can I just confess that I didn't know what kale was till 2015? Well we thank God. The year of enlightenment and the organics!

The Year Of The Organics

Now whether it is for health purpose or solely for the sake of joining the charade, I guess we will never find out. Yep 2015, we’re all about that herbal life. How is it going for ya?!

2. And along came the words that do not make sense at all but strangely they somehow do work. On Fleek…which basically refers to the quality of something, the level of perfection and correctness. Yassss which is the emphatic endorsement of something, when you say yassss, that’s you putting your stamp of approval on something. Doll which is a term of endearment used to refer to an attractive female, this is surprising mainly used by girls. So yea…we went all crazy with these slangs and it didn't stop there, there’s litt, Basic, Bae and ratchet. Let's not forget the hash-tag over-usage. I blame the Americans!

The Only Bae I Know Is Bacon & eggs

3. Eyebrows – it’s as if we have just discovered eyebrows. Like what did we do back then when it was just some stray pieces of hair above our eyes? Now we have numerous shapes and sizes, frames and lengths, shades and tones…some are even in High Definition. I must say we’ve all gone through our Nike days where the left eyebrow would be doing the Azonto and the right is doing the Harlem shake. On some days, the eyebrows will be looking like they’re about to take flight. It’s almost like an art now. No shame in our game, brow game too strong!

The Power Of Eyebrows!

4. And this make up madness is slowly taking over our lives… the contour, the highlights, the 50 shades lippies, the blushers, the lash lengthening mascaras, the lashes, the concealers... ayeeee! They’re not even cheap but we will stop at nothing to get close to perfection. Yes that is the problem, perfection. We are obsessed with perfection which is never attainable. Never. Sometimes the transformation almost resembles a miracle. I can confidently say, in 2015 we took our make-up technique to another whole new level. The level of perfection!

There Are Levels To This Thing...

5. The Brown coat and the prestige floppy beach hat facade- Now this had me laughing because it’s funny what a brown or fawn coat and a floppy hat can do for one’s esteem. I do not say this lightly when I say girls seriously behave differently when they’re in the above attire. We walk like we inhale flavoured air and you can’t tell us nothing. I knew it was getting extremely mental when we walked into a night club the other night and 80% of the girls were actually in their brown coats, I was confused. So you’re going to boogie the night away in that hot stuff?! So what is it about this floppy hat and waterfront coat that leave girls feeling like a million dollars? I blame Kim Kardashian.

6. Waist trainers – again this had me bawling with laughter. The video tutorials are pure comedy, not to talk of the pictures. They look like they are about to pass out. It does look super uncomfortable as well and even to crack a smile is a real effort. It resembles pain and I know what pain looks like. I am not bashing the waist trainers all I am saying is there are easier ways. Why take the stairs when there is an elevator. Let’s invest in healthy eating habits as opposed to waiting till the problem becomes a mountain. But 2015 brought out the waist trainers and they are hilarious. Genuine question, do they work? Is it just a temporary fix? Ok bye…

Compressed to the gods and back!

7. Beautiful soul - Beautiful in and out. R E A L L Y?! Over usage never sounded so positive! I have a thing now where I count how many ‘’beautiful soul’’ and ‘’beautiful in and out’’ I see for the day on social media….especially on the birthday shout outs. Again I am not bashing the beautiful souls. I’m just here clapping and chewing my popcorn whilst thanking God that we’re all beautiful souls and beautiful in and out in 2015. Please take it into 2016. I need to know how I can be one though. I missed the memo on this one. hehe

8. Netflix and chill – Well in layman’s terms, this simply means, drink alcoholic beverage, hangout and have sex. The mildest term ever used to command sex. This is the term we carefully carved in 2015 which informs the other party that there would be sex involved by the end of the night after the consumption of some cheap alcohol and hangout.  Netflix and chill….Isn’t it funny that the term that screams everything about movies involves everything but watching a movie? We are a very crafty and creative generation. The movie will probably be on for decoration and background music while the sexual escapades take place. Yes, in 2015 we mastered the art of Netflix and chill. Let’s Marvin Gaye and get it on…

The Beginning Of The End

9. Beard Gang– One question though, just like girls discovered eyebrows, have you guys just discovered beards too? Someone must have lied to these guys that all girls love beards. I don’t! I really don’t! And I am a girl. So stop putting glitters on ya beards and acting like I’ll overlook everything else just because you’ve got a beard. It even feels weird writing this. However, some of you guys do serve ferociously and y’all be looking like something edible. We are girls and we are all individuals therefore we are all attracted to different things. Ya heard?! Mr Beard man!

Someone Please Stop Them

10.  Finally in 2015, we specialised in gibberish. I can’t. I just can’t. Dead. I'm weak. My heart can’t. I have no words. - Eerrmm excuse me. Are you ok there, cat got your tongue? What happened to your vocabulary? The funniest one is when you hear girls giving senseless compliments and all they’ll say is ‘’babe you look so... I can’t even, like I just can’t babe.’’  I am just here wondering what kind of pointless compliment is that?  Why are we so lazy? Can we just get it together? Please and thank you.

Ok…phew. I must admit this was fun writing and I hope you have as much fun reading it too. Don’t take it personal. I do some of the stuff mentioned above too and for that I am just as weird and crazy as you all.

So what now? Do we wave bye to these and create new ones? Or we’re carrying them over to 2016?

I am just excited to see the new 2016 trends. They keep getting weird and weirder. Either way, I'm ready.

Stay weird. Normal is no fun.

Till then