The Foolish Things i Ever Hoped For

The most foolish things I ever hoped for.

Sadly so...Oh The Irony

The daily messages and spontaneous emails. The compliments that make your melanin flush and your white pearls come out to play, the letters sent and delivered by my ever reliable post man, the unplanned visits and pleasant surprises.

These were the foolish things I hoped for.

To trot and conquer the world with you, to visit our favourites place and make some sweet memories. The poems and riddles, the well written articles full of life and excitement, and how can I forget the brilliant brain hacks.

 

We will experience multiple sunsets in
different continents.
i Hoped

The excitement of waking up to you, the whisper of sweet nothings in my ear and the tight but yet calming and reassuring hugs to say everything is going to be okay. The heart-warming smiles that’ll put my soul at ease and the outburst of boisterous laughter that will forever echo in my ear when you’re not around.

The Whispers Of Sweet Nothings

These were the foolish things I hoped for.

A day that you’ll hang your fears and doubts and fully commit, totally, absolutely and completely. You’ll commit fully even though you know there are no going backs. We’ll do it together because there is nothing to fear. And with that we’ll have something divine and sacred to look forward to, a union that’s just perfect, as flawed as it might be.

I guess that was just a wandering mind hoping foolishly.

Me running back home from work just to see your face, and you rushing back to a home that smells of my freshly baked bread and smoothie recipes that I’ve carefully selected from YouTube. The look on your face when you’ll taste the not-so-nice ones but you’ll smile anyway because you love me like that!

The Homely Smell Of Freshly Baked  Bread...

To wake up at 2am and chat the rest of the night away. we’ll talk about nothing and everything with a glass of gin and lime, other nights we’ll laugh about everything and anything and 2 hot cuppas will do just fine while sitting on our kitchen counter, Listening to the pitta patter of the raindrops on our window.

2am Secrets And Confessions

Of All The Things I Ever Hoped For.. 

All I hoped for was to go to bed and calmly and peacefully lie in your arms, basking in the melody of silence that will never feel awkward. We will listen to our heartbeats and create happy thoughts...purely happy thoughts will flood our minds till we fall asleep.

Those were the foolish things I hoped for.

With the widest smile, I’ll watch our kids run in the backyard chasing fireflies and running in endless circles while the dog chase after them foolishly. Foolishly like the things I hoped for.

Playful and Happy Kids
- Of All The Foolish Things I Ever Hoped For

On the smallest couch they will jump on you and scream and shout just to fight for a place on the couch with daddy. And you wouldn’t mind because that is just what happiness is.

As you drop them to school each morning I’ll plaster a wet kiss on your cheek and that is just to say I appreciate you and I love you and a promise from me to you that, the best of our days, are yet to come. But more importantly that I can’t wait for you to get back to me.

But oh… these were only the foolish things I hoped for.

To build instead of conquer. To be happy instead of win. To love and love some more. To give more than I received. To be present in all we do and cherish every single moment, because moments are all we’ll have left when all is said and done.

To Build and Nurture...

To look you in the face and say yes I made the right choice. And to never be afraid.

I hoped to look you in the face and ask God

‘’How did I get so lucky?’’

But I guess it was another, just another foolish thing I hoped for

I foolishly hoped for you to be my safe haven, my safety net, where I turn for inspiration and other times, just your reassuring words that it’ll be okay. I wanted you to be my rainbow on a bad day, my happy place on a not-to-so-happy day, my melody when I can’t remember the lyrics.

A Safe Haven

For laughter that never gets old, for meaningless smiles that can change your day, for moments that’ll live forever, for good nights that turns into even greater mornings, for unforgettable times and unpredictable kisses, for all the spontaneous just because – I hoped and hoped.

For Laughter That Never Gets Old

The foolish things I hoped for.

I hoped for you to wake up to my ruffled afro and sleep stained face with the sun streaming on my melanin through the curtain lines. And I prayed for you to never get tired of this look but to always serve as a reminder that as flawed as something can be, you can still find perfection and beauty.

I hoped to be your go-to thought, a thought that will give you an outburst of laughter in a crowded room and a smile in the middle of your business meeting.

All I have ever hoped for was to keep you vibrating on high all day, an endless supply of energy that you can never get enough of.

But what do I know…. These were just foolish thoughts.

I had hoped to create a life with you where I’ll never forget to play and to always remember that it’s never about winning.  I hoped to build a life with you that is never set to anyone’s rules nor standard. A life full of randomness.

To Remember It's Never About winning

I had wished upon a star and hoped to understand that everything do not have to make sense as long as we’re happy.

These were amongst the most foolish thing I ever hoped for in my entire lifetime.

But as if you were dreaming, you wake up suddenly and all what you've ever believed is but nothing. 

All i could gather is, it was all and nothing at the same time

Once upon a time in a happy place…

I hoped and hoped but behold all I was doing was foolishly hoping.  

If I ever dared to hope again…please wake me up.

Remind me to Never Hope Again!

Remind me not to ever hope again…at least not foolishly!

Till next time...

Xoxo 

The Expectation

The hopes, the expectations, the castles in the air all makes for a rather rude awakening. The fall is pretty serious and landing is never soothing to the bum.

“To wish was to hope, and to hope was to expect”

Most times than often, that awakening is needed. It’s like a slap to reality from reality.

My theory is if you have to be awakened rudely like that then you have no business sleeping. When a situation arises where you can’t sleep you have no business being there in the first place. I have a thing for cosy, sureness and trust and if I can’t experience any of it…it leaves me empty with a lot of questions.

Why fall asleep? Why dose off? Why let your guard down and start expecting and hoping? Heck why do you even shut your eyes? Our expectations always sell us short. It’s all good to be hopeful and expecting people to behave in a certain way. It’s all good to think and expect….but keep your feet grounded, grounded on something solid.

Sometimes I think expectations come from a deep place within ourselves. Expectations comes from our pattern of thinking and trails of thoughts we have so carefully weaved in our heads. It can also be because of what we’re used to. It is a result of what you thought it was or should be. Other times, it is because of what you have experienced and certain experiences leaves you positively expectant.

Positively Expectant...

We expect people to act in a certain way. We expect them to do certain things and behave in a certain fashion and when they don’t that is where the awakening comes in. Yea that rude awakening.

We believe and want them to act in a certain way because we will act in that same manner given the same situation. We believe we will go that far for them so we expect them to do the same. We believe we will bend and break bones for them so we think they’ll be willing to do the same.

“Persons appear to us according to the light we throw upon them from our own minds.

Well it doesn’t work that way unfortunately. People react to situations differently therefore you can’t expect the same level of reaction given the same situation. People think differently and we are all ever so different in various ways. I once read somewhere that when you stop expecting people to behave in a certain way, life becomes easier and you become happier. Expectation in a sense is self-destructive as you slowly build yourself up for disappointment.

'Blessed are they who expect nothing for they shall not be disappointed.”

Expectation is a child born from a comfortable place. I say comfortable because it is a situation or relationship or person or thing you thought you knew, they’ve become your playground, all so familiar and cosy. You knew all the back routes and the ins and out. You feel like you’re home and Boom…..expectation kicks in. Such a familiar territory with an unfamiliar trails. From a comfortable place like that, the awakening is never a good one.

The Awakening...is real

That awakening is your call to duty. It is your call to evaluate and re-evaluate. Look at the situation from all angles and analyse. What made you so expectant? Why did you ever start thinking they will do that for you or be that for you? Why did you even think you mattered that much to them? What sparked that expectation? What gave you hope that the situation would be all you’ve wished for or thought it would be? 

Wake up!

Things don’t pan out your way, so what? Situations don’t turn out as you would have liked, so what? Life goes on. Do not allow yourself to become bitter, frustrated or full of anger because disappointment does that to people. Remember your happiness is paramount. It doesn’t mean the situation was a bad situation or the person is a bad person, it simply means that people are different. People think differently. People react to situations differently.

Waiting and Expecting...

If you can handle the difference, then there is beauty in differences. To each their own. Personally I have learnt to never try to change anyone. As the wise saying goes, if you know how hard it is to change yourself then you will know how little a chance you have of changing others. Inspire change in them but never try to change them.

Accept them wholly or keep it moving. This applies to all situations and everyone. Expectations are always going to be there just remember to not fill your life with resentment and anger when it doesn’t create the vision you envisioned. You can’t expect everyone to be dedicated as you or have the same level of passion as you and this is a mistake made more often than we think.

Lower your expectations of people and you will never be disappointed. This doesn’t make you any less of a human neither does it diminish the person that you are. It doesn’t lower your self-esteem and you can walk with head held high. But what it’ll do is save you from unnecessary anger, pain, resentment and frustration. You really don’t need to be inflicting all that poison into your system. You can’t change people, and some situations are totally out of your control.

“My expectations are sky low, because I’m standing on a mountaintop.” 

Remember you can’t control everything that happens to you and around you but you can control how you react to it.

Till then

Xoxo

They Can Be Your Happy

.....Without controlling your happiness

It’s that feeling you get that feels like you’re floating like Aladdin on the magic carpet. That feeling you get like electricity has just been powered through your house after waiting for days in Sierra Leone. It’s that feeling you get like a new you has been created. It’s like that feeling you get when you see your waiter coming through with your food. Oh the joy!

Is Everything, Everything else is overrated!

I know the importance of being happy with yourself and finding happiness within yourself but I also know the importance of someone influencing your happiness. I know the importance of being in total control of your happiness but I also know the joy experienced when we let people in and allow them to add to your happiness. They become your subtle dose of happy without being your source of happiness.

When you have someone to share this life with, life becomes a journey worth riding. A wave worth sailing on and it all starts to make sense, even the confusion. All the years spent building that person you are now, that person who is sure of who they are, that person who is more than happy to be on her own and not crave unwanted and needless attention, that beautiful self-sufficient soul.

It is the moments that you never plan, that ends up staying in your heart forever!

You become hopeful and extra excited about life. Mondays are no longer Mondays, and the weekend suddenly has a new rhythm to it. You don’t waste your days craving for the nights nor waste the mornings craving for the weekend. You see the sunset and the sunrise and just wished they were there to experience it with you. You recognize beauty and wish they were there to see it with you. You hear your favorite music on the radio and you just wish they were right by your side to rock with it. You sniff a stranger’s perfume and your senses automatically races to that one person, that oh so familiar place.

Even the sunset is worth experiencing with them...

That uncontrollable laughter, the itchiness of your fingers to keep checking your phone for their message, the chaotic, restless breathing mix with that feeling inside that is indescribable. Yes, indescribable for the mere fact that you can’t put it into words. Some experiences in life are like that. Don’t force yourself to understand it. Don’t force yourself to explain it. Just experience it and keep it in that special little corner of your heart, together with all your cherished goodies.

There's no definite quota for happiness...

When you find that little powerhouse of yours that just lights up your heart and sends current down your spines then you know true happiness. It doesn't mean you are weak or feeble. It just means you’re grown, grown enough to let people in without allowing them to control your happiness. Grown enough to cultivate your inner happiness and allow others to help water it. It’s a grown thing. Only the grown will understand. This doesn't happen in the blink of an eye. Sometimes it takes years, sometimes it takes forever.

Being scared of letting people in only shows that you still need to do more work within, more self-development and more soul searching. When you’re not fully aware of whom you are as a person, it is very easy to be influenced by outside forces, and it becomes easy to be confused and lose your balance in life.

You don't often see it coming..

However, as confused as these years may seem, this place is not a bad place to be at all. No one has their shit together. So if you are working hard at it, trying to figure it out then you’re on track. You are not alone either; there are thousands of us in that same boat, paddling on, slowly but surely. Paddle on!

You're not alone!

You need to develop your whole being to a state where you are a force all by yourself regardless but with someone else you become a movement. They become a bonus, a bonus that adds the extra Sss to your happiness.

You're good all by yourself but Together you're a force!

Find that balance, it is not an easy thing to do but when you do, life becomes easier and don’t be too busy building a brick wall and forget to let people in. Remember bricks hurt people.

They can be your Happy…. ain’t nothing wrong with that!

Till then

Xoxo

I Do Not Define Myself By How Many Roadblocks Have Appeared In My Path..... Embracing Your Struggles

Trust your God! 

 Embrace your struggles. 

He didn't bring you this far to leave you in the desert.

This morning this is what was placed in my heart by God I believe. It just came to me and I thought to share. It might help someone, somewhere trying to figure out this path we are all treading on called life.

We are all going through different struggles in our lives. We are all trying to figure this thing called life. Sometimes it might all feel overwhelming and beyond our control but that’s where the Master steps in and says, ‘’be still and know that I am God’’. That is all good when the Lord steps to our rescue but do you believe in him? Do you trust him to do what’s right by you? Are you patient enough to wait upon Him?

Sometimes trusting God is the hardest thing for us to do. But we are so quick to put our trust in man and other worldly things which are temporarily beneficial to us. We walk into a shop and the juice says Organic. We waste no time in buying that juice, we don’t even question if it’s true or not. Why... because we believe and trust them. Why can’t you give that same level of trust if not more to the one who created you? Why is it so hard?

Time and age has taught me to put my all in God because everything else fades…but his love. When the tough gets going and when life shows you its true colours….mate you have no choice but to go on bended knees and call upon his name. But you know what they say; if you haven’t been there you wouldn't really know. You have to have experienced LIFE before you can actually live life.

I can go on and on about my struggles but that would bore you and I don’t want to do that. However through all your struggles remember to learn the lessons life is teaching you. That way you have fewer chances of repeating it again and more importantly inspiring and motivating another life. Don’t underestimate the power of the lesson life teaches us. Life is the greatest teacher on earth. If you see any success story ask for the story behind it and that story will not consist of sunny days and rosy mornings. It is a story of failures upon failures that was used as a stepping stone to gain that success story. It will consist of blood, sweat and tears. Remember, Storms come to teach us how to ride the waves perfectly.

Your past is your past, yes...gone and the hard truth is you can’t erase any part of it. You can go get the strongest bleach available and try to make it look good but the unfortunate part is when the bleach will fail. It won’t work. Stop living in your past and start paving way for the future.

Life can really get rough sometimes so much that moving on is the hardest thing to do. Sometimes you just don’t know where to start and other times you wished you had never experienced the past. Other times we wish we can go back and do things differently. We become bitter and the will to move on is now deemed impossible.

We then start to question everything we once believe in and everything we once trusted. We start to ask God why. See, when things start to slide downhill we tend to ask God questions. When what we should have done in the first place is to put every single one of our burdens, decisions and undertakings before him in prayers. He knows best as much as we might tend to think we know it all with all our college and university degrees and titles. My friend, till life teaches you, you know nothing!

I came across this poem below and it actually inspired this post. It just touched a part of me this morning. I couldn't let it fly by without me sharing. You know what they say, sharing is caring …..Eat, digest, fill up your soul and share so others can partake too.

You Are Not Your Struggles....
You Are That Which Has Emerged From The Fire!

My favourite part of the whole poem is the end where it says ‘I am that which has emerged from the fire’’. That is one powerful statement. Anything that has been through hell and back, comes out more beautiful, stronger and better. That is what you are my friend.
Don't be scare of getting burnt, you won't because God's got this. Oh yes he does!

You are not your failures, you are not your struggles, you are not your mishaps, and you are not your scars. You are that which has emerged from the fire and that fire is all the bad days you've been through, that God has pulled you through from. It is the past which thinking about alone brings chills to your spines. The fire is those days when you are so close to throwing the towel in, those days when the sun refuses to shine. The fire is those nights that were filled with tears and worries, those nights that you feel like you’re all alone. The fire is that which has made you who you are today. Looking back, the Lord has given you a reason to smile. Even if it’s a tiny weeny reason.

You can hustle as hard as you like, work your butt off to make that money but first God has to bless your hustle. If God is not in that hustle it would be fruitless. Above all, don’t forget to pray. Prayer is the most important conversation of the day. I’m not going to tell you I pray every day because I don’t but whenever I have that second I just have a word or two with the Lord. He deserves it. It’s the least we can do. Prayer is a powerful weapon and can counteract any form of weapon going against God’s will for your life. Yes it’s that powerful.

Don’t keep God out of your business. You just need to keep people out of your business. Make him the centre and in due time he will perfect all things that which concerneth you. His timing might be a bit off in your eyes but he is always on time and always there when you call.

I hope this have encouraged someone today in some way and keep holding on….there is a light at the end of the tunnel and if you can’t see a light create your own light and keep pushing. If you’re not seeing what you’re waiting for, go out and find it and don’t allow the past to hold you down. It’s done its job of teaching you life lessons, cut the ties and apply the principles to your future.

As hard as life may get, don't give up. Your next miracle or breakthrough might be just one more push away. Keep going. No one remembers the one who gave up..never. Everyone remembers the person who overcome life's trials and tribulation. One example of such would be Michael Jordan. In one of his famous quotes he said:
''I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.''
Imagine if he gave up..

Be unfaithful to your fears and Cheat on them. Break up with all doubts doing the azonto in your head. Start making engagement plans with your faith and waste no time matching up the aisle to your dreams wearing that white gown or that bespoke suit. Cut all ties that don’t add value to your life…they are nothing but excess baggage!


Stay blessed, keep smiling and allow God to be the centre even in the midst of your struggles.


''If you're trying to achieve, there will be roadblocks. I've had them; everybody has had them. But obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.'' 
~ Michael Jordan



Till then...

Xoxo