She is your Once Upon A Time …

She looked at you like the sun, the moon and adored you like a priced possession. She spoke proudly of you but she can hardly say the same for you.

She saw a man, a teacher, her prince charming, a motivator and her best friend. She was enveloped in you and engulfed in all the madness you came with and nothing else made sense.

But one thing was for sure…she had hope and she was a patient woman. Patiently hoping that one day you’ll change. Hoping one day you’ll be the man that she wants you to be. Hoping one day you will give her the love that she deserves but little did she know that you can’t save a man from himself. 

Sometimes you have to walk.

Sometimes You Have To Walk

She saw what no one ever saw in you. Not that she couldn’t get any man but she chose you day after day, the only difference was you didn’t choose her. She was constantly looking for angels in demons and that was her problem.

All she ever did was love you, loved you faultlessly and tirelessly but you treated her like she was ordinary. She was there for you, she was your greatest fan even when you looked upon her like a groupie.

You gave her sleepless nights in exchange, tears-filled day dreams, you trampled her trust and you rained abuses on her, emotional abuses, constant torture and emotional turmoil. She didn’t deserve none of it, no one does.

Day after day, she gave you her all. Night after night she was there to put a smile on your face….months after months she held on even tighter even when all you threw at her was dirt.

In the pursuit of being the woman for you, she learnt your language, memorized your favourite song and learnt your favourite recipe. She danced to your ugly tunes even when it was hard to find a rhythm.

Your time was all she wanted. She never once asked you for the world...yet you deprived her of everything. In your absence she defended you, People said you were no good but she grew deaf ears. I guess that’s what happens when you love someone right? Yet still she never gave up.

She did stupid things to catch your attention and with every passing day, she tried to make herself better. She tried to be the best she can because you made her feel like she wasn’t good enough.

She betrayed herself so she could be loyal to you, deprived herself so she could be all you wanted her to be even though she didn’t know how to be the woman you wanted. She tried, daily she tried!

Your indecent behaviour was like a sharp-edged tool which took a dig at her self-esteem day after day…one hurt at time. Making her question her self-worth.

You are the kind of man our mothers warned us against.

You pushed her, my god did you push her. How much can a single soul embody?!

How Much Can A Single Soul Embody?

She was a good woman and she deserved way better, and you knew it but the boy in you couldn’t help but to destroy a good thing.

A good thing given to someone who is not ready for it will never serve its purpose. She was too good for you and that was the problem.

You just couldn't recognise a gem when you have one in your possession so you treated it like any invaluable. The boy in you didn’t know that precious stones don’t always come to people like that. The boy in you was immature to handle it all and so you crushed it.

Or maybe

You thought she’ll be around forever and she will never grow wings to fly.

Don’t underestimate the willpower of a tired woman. She was tired and all the women in her was tired.

You exhausted her last fibre of strength.

But one thing you didn't know was that anything being pushed against the wall so much will eventually bounce back and when they do they will cease to be the favourite toy that you loved to toy with so much.

Making you happy was becoming unaffordable to her. She couldn’t afford you any more. You were costing her, her own happiness.  Holding on was doing more harm than good. True strength is not always about how long you can hold on, she learnt that a greater strength is found in letting go.

So she did

She collected her thoughts. Shook off your disrespect and disregard for her. Packed her bags. Adjusted her crown and wiped her tears. She puts one foot in front of the other …and away she went and she never looked back.

Eventually the ''fool'' wakes up.  

She thought enough is enough and she decide to love herself better. She realised she was worth more. She realised that love doesn’t have to hurt. She came up for fresh air and realised she’s been suffocating the whole time. She needed it, more than ever she needed a breath of fresh air.

You still didn’t realised you've lost a good thing because you were just a boy.

But years later, as we all know you always come back.

You started seeing her with someone else. She has a smile you never gave to her. A spring in her steps you’ve never seen in her. She looked beautiful now because you’ve never actually took the time to look at her. She is happy and you’re there wondering where you went wrong.

Her Smile Is Brighter...

She makes someone else really happy now and you started wishing it was you. She wakes up next to someone who knows what he got when he has it. He treats her like she’s golden. And you’re there turning green with jealousy.

And then It hit you…it hit you hard that this whole time, you loved her but you just didn’t know how to.

Why do guys have to wait till they lose something before they realise its worth?

Now you’re begging to come back. Nonstop phone calls. Emails and texts. Trying to distract her from the good. Trying hard to pave your way cunningly with tails between your legs.

It’s a little too late

She is ignoring you. And now it’s easy. It became even easier when flashes of the pain you caused her came to her in waves and she remembered how she almost drowned trying to save a man from himself.

She is in a better place now. A heaven you never created for her.

Moreover she knows better now. She’s being treated with respect and care and being showered with the love she deserves. Her mind have been stretched and she’s not going back. She has no urge to.

You’re there telling people about her. Her love was so great it turned you into a story teller.

Yes, the love of a good woman misplaced will turn you into a story teller. She is now your once upon a time. She is the love you had but let get away and you just can’t shut up about her.

You can’t finish your favourite beer because thoughts of her flood your mind. You just can’t stop talking about her. You can hear her laughter and you remembered how she stood by you even though you never once glanced at her.

All the other women don’t even matter no more, you just want her but she is gone.

You quiver and shake and whisper her name in your sleep like a fervent prayer but she’s gone.

Wallowing In Regrets...

Now you realise you've lost a good thing and you wish you were the one to make her that happy. This is the moment you realised you messed up.

You had your chance remember? She waited on you to do right by her. But you blew every single chance she ever gave you. She was right there with you while you looked at other women. She made you the centre of her world while you held her with a pinch of salt.

Always looking for the next best thing. Here’s the thing about always looking for the next best thing, even if you did find it you’ll still never be satisfied because you’re still searching for the next best thing.

And all she ever asked was for you to see her but you gave her bundles of sorrows, wreathe with endless heart aches.

What’s a girl to do?

How I see it, the only mistake was that she gave you everything she had without making sure you wanted it.

‘’Why is love intensified by absence?’’

The ever sure lesson remain that anything we take for granted gets taken away. And she was no exception.

The worst thing ever to happen to a man is to drag a good woman in the dirt so much that she start looking at you like you’re ordinary when once upon a time she looked at you like you were the sun.

She Used To Look At You Like The Galaxy

‘’The most haunting moment, I believe
is when love turns into a memory.’’

Till next time

Xoxo

I Dare You...

I dare you to send that text first and not play the hide and seek behind the keyboard, to let yourself be vulnerable and be human. To not be afraid to translate your feelings into words and actions.

I Dare you...

I challenge you to tell me exactly how you’re feeling, good or bad, in love or out of love. I challenge you to always endeavour to let me know!

I want you to make that phone call when you want to speak to me, trash the pride and ego and tell me how bad you were aching to talk to me…how bad you want to see me.

And I want to see you be a man, in the midst of your boys, no fronting. Have the guts to show me off…even when your boys think you’re whipped. Hold my bag when my hands are full, carry my shoes when I can no longer carry myself on my heels after a long night out.

I dare you to not string me along when I no longer give you butterflies or make your heart smile.

When I’m no longer a source of inspiration and happiness, I want you to turn the lights off but first I dare you to let me know.

When i'm No Longer A Source Of  Happiness....
Please Let Me Know

Against the odds, I want you to stand up for me, when people say I’m no good for you, when the crowd wails that you’re too good for me, when the hearsay gets too much and when the noise of the market tries to overcome what we have, I want you to be a rock for me.

Be a shoulder to cry on, a solace where I can channel my inner cry baby and not be ashamed. A place where I just know everything is going to be okay…eventually.

I challenge you to never keep me around for convenience. When you feel your heart beats for me only out of pity, I implore you to blow the candle out.

I want you to be my vault, the one I can tell my darkest twisted secrets. I dare you to be my place of no judgement. Someone I can tell about my most embarrassing moments and the fall I had on the staircase when no one was watching. The time I pronounced a word wrongly in public and that time my bank card got declined with a queue of people behind me. Oh the horror!

When other temptations are flaunted at you, I dare you to say no. To display a true strength of character and integrity and maturity - to let the world know that what you already have is enough!

But when I’m no longer enough for you, when your heart is full and exhausted and can no longer go on… I dare you to let me know.

I dare you to be my goofy funny and silly best mate. Laugh with me and laugh at me. Let’s do it uncontrollably till our belly ache. Laugh at my stupid jokes and be stupid with me. Whenever I feel like taking myself too seriously, remind me how stupid I look.

Can We Make Laughing Our Tradition?

Promise me that we will never forget to laugh.

But when I step out of line, I dare you to put me back in line. When I act out of character have the balls to tell me where I went wrong, not with any resentment but in love.

When the going gets tough, and the tough gets going, pray with me and pray for me. Remind me of God’s love when I don’t feel too loved, when I feel like calling quits, remind me why I started in the first place.

I know it’s not always going to be all stars and giggles but remind me to smile when troubles try to tie a knot in my soul. When the storm comes to play, remind me and never forget to tell me that no storm can take the sunshine away.

I challenge you to have confidence in what we share, that no matter what happens in the future we will know that what we had was real and true.

If we go a day without talking, I want you to remember the good times. The days that brought so much laughter and happiness and I want you to use that memory to put a smile on your face.

Some nights, I’ll be human and fart in my sleep. Can we laugh about it in the morning?

I know there are going to be days when you’ll hate me but …..Love me, love me even when you hate me. Love me even when I am hard to love. Love me even when I am unbearable and a handful.

Love Me...Even When You Hate Me

We are going to disagree but let’s never forget to be respectful and considerate to each other. We are going to be angry with each other but promise me we will fight through it with love.

And never make me look stupid.

Let’s not forget the bad days are there to make us appreciate the good days more. Sometimes the only way up is down and we must never forget this.

Sometimes I might just need a tight hug and a warm cuddle, be my baby pooh bear and hold me tight and assure me of your love for me because no matter how independent and sure I always look, there are going to be days when I’ll need you. Be there… I dare you.

I’ll miss my steps and stumble, other days I might fall, be there to pick me up and cure my bruises. I’ll be crushed and not fit for anything on some days, I challenge you to be my ace.

 I dare you…I challenge you!

Happy Valentines Day Lovers

 For the long haul - you can count on me to be your…

to be contd.

Till next time

Xoxo

Where Is God When It Hurts ?!

RIP Beautiful Souls!

  ...dedicated to two beautiful souls lost in the pace of a fortnight. 

How do you handle that? How do you even begin to process that thought? How? But it happened and life does take unexpected turns and the saddest part is, we are never ready!

I had the privilege of meeting this young man when my cousin got married into their family. Jovial, bubbly, friendly, accommodating and he will keep you laughing like a village idiot. We quickly gelled, I mean what better way to make acquaintance than through laughter?!

I was a bridesmaid and he was a groomsman, you can imagine the kind of fun and laughter we shared together with the other bridal party.

If I have to describe Victor, the first word that will spring to my mind is funny. He never ceases to make me laugh. He is going to be missed. He will be missed, not by a few but multitudes. Believe me when I say so. He was a personality! He was a walking ball of sunshine.

You Never Know The Last Time..

The other soul that was lost was my uncle Raymond, through a family friend. He was helpful, always willing, jovial, bubbly and full of jokes. He came into our lives for a short while and was gone in a twinkle of an eye. He was the type of person that wouldn’t hurt a fly. He came, shone and left a trace of sparkle in the lives of the people he touched. A man of integrity. Death! Why?

We have no control over death..none at all!

My question is where’s God? Where is God when it hurts?

Times like these my faith wavers. I’m scared. I’m angry. I’m frustrated. I’m sad. I’m speechless. I’m in shock. My mind can’t stop racing. I question everything. You can’t help but ask the formidable question why?

I know I am not supposed to question God’s ways. I know I am not supposed to ask God why but two beautiful souls in the same month is kinda hard to fathom. I can’t comprehend why the beautiful souls finish first. I can’t understand the logic behind that. I am human after all.

Is my faith supposed to stand strong in the midst of all these? Where do you lift up your eyes? Why does all the beautiful people finish first? Why oh why. I guess I will never find answers to some questions.

Young souls. Young lives. Gone in the blink of an eye. We were not ready. The struggle is real but so is God. I am learning the hard way to trust God more.

This just confirmed few things for me.

• Nothing is certain in life, nothing is guaranteed.
• We never know the day nor the hour, nor the minute when death will knock
• Treat everyone like it’s the last you’re seeing of them
• Don’t wait. Don’t hesitate. Don’t think too much to say what’s on your mind to people
• Tell the people you care about that you love them and show them
• We do not have tomorrow
• Live life to the fullest
• Just because you’re a good person doesn’t mean you’ll die last.
• Grow in the word of God, go closer to God.
• Make every day worth the while
• Be nice, be patient, speak with caution because people are out here fighting battles you know nothing about.
• Try not to be a jerk, treat people nice
• If your motto for living is YOLO then I pray that you do it right, hurt no one and tread with caution

A Reminder...

I won’t give you a list for living because I myself I am just trying to figure it out. I know nothing about life, these sudden deaths just left me lost and unfounded in the deep blue sea. But in all things just try. These rapid deaths have given me a new perspective on life. For every time I lose someone it makes me think how blessed I am but also the thought of it could have been me always makes me grateful that I have been given another chance to get it right. I pray we all do.

Take off those Limits you've Set For Yourself
Free Your Soul

With that I just want to wish everyone a blessed day. Love more. Be kind. Have patience.

You Will Linger In Our Hearts Forever!
Sleep on and take your rest.

Till next time

Xoxo