Friday, 21 August 2015

How Long They Choose To Love You Will Never Be Your Decision

Let your guard down they say. Let’s be vulnerable together they say. Fall in love with me, I will catch you they proclaimed. Let’s make this last forever they exclaimed.

Don’t we wish life was that easy?

When you see them you light up, butterflies in the stomach, giggling like a well fed baby and all of a sudden you develop a stutter. Yep that’s your common sense leaving your being.

Congratulations, you’re in love.


You’re so attracted to them that seeing them becomes the best part of your day. You smile like a Cheshire cat and all of a sudden because of them your days become brighter and life is good.

You’re happy.

32s On Fleek

One day your days become a nightmare and nights become longer. Your bright and cheerful world becomes this dimly-lit hell hole. You find it hard to believe, harder to smile and even harder breathe. Things are not the same.

You start wondering….

What happened to happily ever after? What happen to I’ll catch you when you fall? And whatever happened to let’s make this last forever?

Every day becomes a struggle. Appetite is gone. The will to live vanishes right before your eyes and all of a sudden nothing else matters.

So many unanswered questions.

Why wasn’t I enough? Wasn’t I good enough? Were you even mine to begin with? What am I supposed to do when our song comes on? Combating those feelings will be the hardest thing you’ve ever done.

What am i Supposed To Do When Our Song Comes On?

All the sweet nothings that they used to whisper in your ears don’t make sense anymore. You try replaying them in your head and try figuring out where things went wrong. Whenever you do a clearing out, there’s always a reminder of what you used to share...silly notes of dreams that turned into a nightmare overnight.

You cry your eye balls out. No phone calls and no contact with the outside world as you go through pile and piles of tissues.

You can’t even tell your friends because you’re ashamed, you can’t tell your parents because they had high hopes for you too. Heck you can’t even convince yourself that the one person you thought belonged to you, the one person you chose to love, the one person you chose to be vulnerable with, the one person you thought was your forever is gone.

Then it hits you…

It hits you hard that life is a series of unplanned events, a ball of obstacles, a chaotic mess and a merry go round of shit and giggles.

You start realising that how long they chose to love you will never be your decision. When they choose to leave there’s nothing you can do to change that.

I stopped believing in forevers!

You start to realise that the forever people so often talk about is nothing if the moments are not cherished. The forever is somewhere we don’t often make, so I often tell people. Enjoy the moments because if all else fails, you might not have reached a forever but you’ve experienced what True love is. And even if it wasn’t true, once upon a time in a happy place, you’ve experienced love.

And that is something everyone must experience.

One True Love Experience Outweighs
 a Thousand Promised Forevers.

You now know that love is more than a feeling, it a decision you make every day, and people change all the time. Nothing is constant, even that I LOVE YOU that they so often whisper in your ears can falter with time.

What’s your assurance?

You learn that someone else’s love is not yours to own. Therefore it is never yours to lose. It is yours for that time, for that moment, for that period. So experience it and enjoy it when it’s around.

People love and lost all the time and when that love is over, when that love is not enough anymore, when that love no longer serves as your happy place you can’t hold them as prisoners.

Let it go.

You run into them in the mall, living life like nothing happened while you have to struggle to get out of bed every day. To give the world the sunshine. To pretend like everything is ok. And to find the strength to go through each passing day. Now that is true strength.

I applaud you.

You’re forced to see them in public living their lives, hugging, laughing and giggling with their new love. Holding hands and doing all the things you both used to do. Now that kills you each time. And you can’t help but wonder if they ever cared at all.

No one understands the magnitude of pain.

Living Life Like Its Golden...

You log on Facebook and they’re all you see. Plastering pictures everywhere. Happy couple. All smiles. And in your alone moment you’re wondering why me? Is he going to do the same thing to her? Will she be the one? What about all the things he said to me? What happened to the forevers I was promised? What ever happened to the sparkle in her eyes that used to come alive each time we spoke?

It’s gone.

It Was Never Yours To Own!

And accepting that is a daily battle. A daily struggle. Sometimes you’ll have to fight a little harder to make it through the day. But no one knows that.
Seeing the person you love, love someone else is the greatest pain of all time. You can’t explain it but it stings. My god it stings!


Lost love teaches you to be a better human. You can only understand the pain of loss when you’ve had sleepless nights, soaking tear-wet pillows, and that gut wrenching feeling like your heart’s been ripped from your chest. And that is an awful awful feeling. That is pain. That is raw pain.

That Gut -Wrenching Feeling

That awful feeling and excruciating pain teaches you a lot.

It teaches you to be strong.

It teaches you that forever is merely a safe word. Forever is just that…a forever. And it’s nothing more than a promised place.

It helps you to realise your strength and capabilities. In such an awful unguarded moment, you learn that you are enough. You learn that the love of another does not relieve you off the duty of loving yourself.

You treat people with caution and respect and regards because you know what it feels like to be hurt, to be in a dark place, to cry all night with no one to wipe your tears. To hear your own scared quivering voice at night when all the lights are out.

When the only light you see at that time is the moon through the cracks of your window curtain.

It teaches you to never hang on to the theory of one day or the promise of forever but rather seizing each moment because even if it ends one day, you weren’t waiting around for a promised forever, nor were you striking down the calendar for days mounting up to that one day. You’ll be sad its ended, you’ll be gutted but not as much as you would be if all you shared was a promised forever and series of one day.

A Little but Great Infinity

A lost love teaches you the art of being a moment grabber and that I have learnt is a beautiful thing. You take each moment and make it beautiful. You learn the hard fact that life is too short and too long for unhappiness.

You learn that you do not have to break your bones to fit into someone’s idea of love. You understand that your type of love is not for everyone.

And when you will decide to give love another try, you will understand the essence of being present in every moment.

Relationships Sometimes Can Be a Challenge
 But It Should Never Be A Struggle.

And it will be clear that the heart as little as it is holds a significant amount of strength as it goes through heartbreak after heartbreak but never loses the power to feel…..and eventually love again.

You will be guarded. You will be scared. You’ll be unsure.  And if they’re worth your time, they will understand this. They will unbox you carefully, with love and care. They will love the dustiest part of your soul with all understanding and they will give you time to heal…heal on your own terms.

You are happy and at peace with the confirmation that the heart that’s meant to love you, will love you and they won’t have to break a bone.

Through all of this the important and unwavering lesson remain. The lesson to love without attachment. To understand that all could be gone in a day. To never etch your whole experience in one day.

You do not have to promise me a happily ever after. You do not have to promise me a forever. Heck, don’t sell me dreams.

I am content. I am content with this moment.

For the journey, endeavour to always be present, present in the moment. 

Because once upon a lonely night sky, a lost love taught me to love what I have while I have it.

Till next time