My True Warriors and Fighters...

Living with sickle cell…

It might not be labelled cancer. It might not be diabetes but it is a disease. It is affecting people, young lives and it’s a struggle living with it.

It is Sickle Cell Anaemia.

Be Enlightened

Personally I think you haven’t met with pain till you’ve suffered from sickle cell and you lay there helplessly with not a drug in sight strong enough to cure or ease your pain.

Have you ever woken up and your biggest decision of the day is whether you want to continue living or not because your pain is so unbearable and you do not wish to prolong your sufferings anymore?

Be In The Know...

 Have you gone to bed well and healthy only to wake up few hours later with the most excruciating pain ever throbbing and gnawing at every organs in your being?

How many times have you asked God to take your life because your hope and faith ran short? You light at the end of the tunnel wouldn’t come on? Or you just feel there’s nothing left to live for? How many times?

Try and Understand

Have you laid in hospital bed for weeks, in pain, life at a standstill, crying nonstop as pain slowly gobbles you away?

Ever made plans, packed your bag, called your friends, bought your tickets and all but you couldn’t make it because you went into crisis few hours before your flight and ended up at the hospital?!

Ever woke up and even to dial an ambulance becomes an impossible task because you’re in so much pain and you can’t move, not even a finger?

Did You Know...

Jourdan Dunn's Son Riley Battles with Sickle Cell too?

Ever seen tears in your mother’s eye because she can’t ease your pain and the only thing left for her to do is to sit and blame herself tirelessly as you wail helplessly in intense aches and pain?

You go through one blood transfusion after another and the back of your hand is full of scars from countless needle drills from nurses and doctors trying to find your veins.

You have to watch the type of activities you participate in constantly, watch what you eat and you don’t dare miss a day of your penicillin and folic acid.

Did You Know?
Larenz Tate battles With Sickle Cell Too

Your life is no longer yours, well if you’re brave enough… you screw the odds and dare to have a life!

In severe pain, you crawl to the door because you live alone and you need to let the paramedics in. Do you understand that level of pain?

You walk into gathering and you have people asking you why your eyes are yellow? It gets tiring and exhausting.

You’re looked upon as an invalid and a disabled person to the point where everyone worries about you standing for a long time or not dressing warm enough in the cold or even not eating right or simple thing as not drinking enough water.

Sarah Stevens
A Soldier...a Fighter...a Survivor!

Have you tried saying the Lord’s Prayer and you totally forgot how to? A prayer you learnt since you were 7 but in time of distress and pain you can’t even remember how to say the first few lines so you ask your teary-eyed mum by your bedside to do it for you. Yea imagine that.

Does the mention of word spleen scares the shit out of you? Well to me it does.

 

It Sure Does...

Your handbag, purses and wallets looks and smells like a walking pharmacy because you don’t know when next that cruel pain will make a comeback. You never really know and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Sometimes we suffer stunted growth, big protruding stomach and constant loss of weight but you don’t understand and you will want to ask me why am I so skinny or if I’m pregnant or where does all my food goes. Stop!

You have to tell your university or work place that you have been admitted….again and again and again and most of the time no one believes you. You’re on your own. Exhausting!

Manty Marah
A Soldier. A Survivor

Some days I will chose to act like a soldier and drag myself out of bed only for you to see me and assume I am lazy or I do not have a care in the world. You look at my life and made your judgements. Walk in my shoes please and tell me how that feels.

What do you know about morphine and painkillers? We know all the names and their after and side effects. Yes a sickle cell patient lives on painkillers.

Francis Davies

A Fighter. A survivor

You look in the mirror sometimes and all you see is sickle cell stealing the melody from your life and you’re wondering when the music is going to stop. Washing away your sense of accomplishments… One raging pain at a time.

A Fighter and a Survivor!

You just have to be a soldier for yourself. One strong, hopeful soldier.

You walk into your local hospital and the doctors and nurses know you by name, even the cleaners and chefs know your specialties. Hospital is not home and no one should be that frequent there.

Some days you wake up and you’re fit for nothing. You’re not ready for the world because your breathing is not right, or your ankle hurts so bad you can’t walk, or sometimes you’re tired, just really really tired but you won’t understand.

You watch your peers drop dead, one after the other and you’re thinking, am I next?

You can’t live like everyone else, there is a limit to what you can do, the distance you can walk and the places you can go and how many kids you can have. Your existence is practically limited.

N'mama Dao
A Fighter. A Survivor

Pray it’s not the two of you with the disease in the same family because then you have to watch the other in pain and guess what You can’t do anything to help them and the worst part is you knowing the severity of the pain she’s going because you’ve been there. A mother’s tragedy.

Woe betide you fall in love with someone who has sickle cell. Then you have the heart throbbing decision of whether you chose to be in love and have no kids or break up and find someone else.

It doesn’t end there, you have to deal with people who do not have a clue what sickle cell anaemia is so they think it’s contagious. They keep away from you and treat you different.

You have employers who think Sickle cell anaemia automatically renders you unreliable therefore you become unemployable…you’re already at a disadvantage in life because of something that you didn’t chose, something you have no say in, something that was genetically imposed on you.

But most time we don’t complain, we go on steadily, fighting every pain and beating every symptoms because we know that is our life now. We learn to live with it and manage it. Most people do not understand what it takes for a sickle cell patient to go through each day.  Most people do not understand and frankly I do not blame them. Much attention is not given to sickle cell patients, neither is much sensitization given.

A Disease Known Is Half Cured

You fight for each day and each hour of your life because you never know when the next crisis (sickle cell pain) will hit you. But no one understands.

This is not a pity party. We are not crying for help. We do not want you to feel sorry for us. We are not asking for your tears. We want you to understand, we want you to be considerate. We want you to be enlightened.

Be nice. Play nice. Life is hard already, we do not need anyone to make it harder.

Personally I have the utmost respect for every sickle cell patient out there. You’re a soldier. You’re fighter. I know what it means to get up and find meaning in each passing day. Keep going and screw the odds.

Inonu Khyne-Sam
A Living Testimony. A Survivor. A Fighter

Even if we have to do this daily, we will because it is our life and we have accepted it. No cure but with the help of God, we are managing just fine.

We are going to be just fine

And when you feel the storms of life assails remember, God never gives you a load that you can’t bear.

Again I say…this is not a pity party!

With this, i'll like to say thanks and express gratitude to all the people helping us, from the doctors to the hospital chefs, from our parents to relatives, to our friends and to every passing stranger who have rendered help.

We say thank you and we do not take you for granted.

I Salute Each And Everyone Of You Warriors.

Continue The Good Fight Of Faith!

... and to the beautiful souls we've lost, May your gentle souls rest in perfect peace. 

Till then 

Xoxo

Phenomenal Woman - Dr Maya Angelou

She taught me strength. She taught me forgiveness. She taught me the balance between being a strong and approachable woman and not coming across too strong and unapproachable. (Still struggling with that by the way) She taught me the fight. She taught me to look for the good in people, regardless. She taught me confidence and how to love my body. She taught me to do more than just exist but to live life. Her work taught me life lessons and the essence of inspiring others with the little instilled in me.

Dr Maya Angelou
 Phenomenal Woman

She was an icon to me and will always be. I don’t really admire that much people but MAYA ANGELOU was one phenomenal lady I admire the most. I don’t think I’ll find anyone else like her; no she’s incomparable in my books.

"I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” 

~Maya Angelou

The beauty of it was that I actually discovered her all by myself through my burning passion for written words and poetry. Her work inspires me, it brings out some kind of consciousness I never knew I had.

If you read her work, you will know she was a fighter, a lover, a lady. You can actually tell that she knew who she was and wasn’t ashamed of her truth. She mastered the fine balance between being a lady and that i-will-kick-you-in-the-balls if you mess with me kinda girl. I loved her work long before i actually knew who this Phenomenal lady was.

Style and Grace

Sometimes i feel like death cheats us in the most unfair way. I feel like death always misses the target. I just feel like death succeeded in cheating a lot of us this time. Maya Angelou living a few more fruitful years, spilling fruitful words of wisdom and consciousness wouldnt have hurt nobody.

“I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.”

~Maya Angelou

She has gone to a better place I am sure but her legacy will live on forever. Her work is timeless. Her influence on me and so many other people will remain forever. It helped shaped a lot of us, either consciously or unconsciously and for that reason, I am grateful. She taught us that every story was worth telling and the best thing you can ever do to yourself is to forgive yourself.

Love this pic of her - Authenticity Certified!

She lived a fruitful and fulfilled life; Maya Angelou was well known and respected even by well-known figures in the world. She instilled morals in both the young and old unknowingly. Timeless inspiration.

She Gave Hope In Love

Some people only get recognised in death but I am happy such an inspiration was recognised from when she was alive.  Not many people get that chance. She was many things, and I know a lot of people can relate, if she wasn’t the educator to you, then she was maybe a poet, or a teacher or the activist but one way or the other she gave her audience a voice. To me she was a poet and a teacher.

''.....at the heart of her,she was a teacher''

In the words of Oprah ‘’The world knows her as a poet but at the heart of her, she was a teacher’’ I cannot agree more. I learned a lot from her more than I have in any celebrities out there. She is in a league of her own; not only for her works but for the way she carried herself. Her works speaks very loud to a wide range of people but the way she carried herself spoke even louder. I have never heard, seen or read any scandalous news about this lady. She lived her work.

I call her ''my fav girl’’ and She taught me that I am a phenomenal woman.

My Fav Girl

On Thursday 28^th May 2014 at 8am, the mentor, the teacher, the historian, the activist, the poet, the lover, the fighter, the actress, the educator, the artist Dr Maya Angelou passed away.

May her soul rest in perfect peace.

A Timeless Inspiration

''Try to be a rainbow in someone's cloud''

~Maya Angelou

Till next time

Xoxo

I once met a stranger... A stranger in the night!

Music blaring from cars and neighbouring clubs, girls doing their Naomi Campbell and guys on their Tyson Beckford flex, it was all proving a bit too much for this old raver and this is coming from a senior party animal. No, no you don’t understand, what I meant was, I graduated and actually got masters in partying…Partying is my thing, but there was just something about the night that just didn't add up.

I felt alone and misplaced in a club full of people, alcohol and blasting music. This has never happened to me. Entered the club with the zeal to dance the night away in my high uncomfortable heels (as I normally do) but the energy all died in space of minutes. Probably it was too packed. Or maybe the music was not hitting the right spot. Or who knows, maybe this chick is just getting old and over the club scene. I didn't know what it was but I will need to find out but for now…I met a stranger in the night.

Stranger In The Night

On that my self-consumed night out with my cousins and friends, after a few rounds in the club I decided to go out and get some fresh air. Club, music, good vibes backed by alcohol, common let’s be real….I will always answer present in such environment. But this night was different!

As I walked past my cousins dancing the night away, I stealthily slipped away. There was this long queue of ravers just waiting to enter the club. With my clutch in my arms and almost battery-dead phone I pulled my very tight and short skirt up a bit with a quick jump which enabled me to seat on this very rough high wall. Sitting there, it all felt OK, it felt right. Just sitting there watching couples cuddling up, men hunting and ladies parading the walk. It was all fun to watch.

It was just after 1 am, the night scene was just warming up and the spirit of soberness was leaving planet earth. Not long after, I encountered a fight just few yards from where I was sitting. The night was getting interesting. I loved every moment, as I absorbed everything in, including the weather which was an utter mess. There was a shade where I was seating so I was covered, not fully but I didn't mind the odd drizzling of the rain drops on my skin. It was cold. This was in the deadly month of October when we were slowly approaching dear winter. Brrrr

As the night proceeds into the early hours, phone battery finally died and I lost all touch with my cousins who were in the club (Presumably still having a swell time). Normally I fully rely on my phone to keep boredom away, especially in my present situation. However with a dead phone that was impossible. I couldn't check my Facebook, Instagram for any new updates, or my Twitter. Truthfully, I wasn't bothered. I had my action-packed environment to keep me going, and it was doing one helluva job!

On this cold showery night as I inhaled the fresh air and getting lost in my environment, a rather sharp hello brought me back to reality. Blinking like a moron, I looked up in shock and there was this fine dark gentleman of about an average height smiling mysteriously at me.

Hand held against my heart I was ready to blast a few words to correct this mistake as I thought it was a drunken person trying to disturb my peace. In an environment like that surrounded by people who have had one too many drinks and gradually losing their minds in the process, one has to be careful and alert.

Surprisingly the smile on this man’s face calmed my ruffled soul. His face was wreathed in smiles, a smile that gave nothing away but hid a lot, almost like a rogue. I returned his smile sheepishly and thought to myself I like a bit of misery. Let’s explore!

Stranger: Can I seat next to you

ME: It’s a bit wet but… (Without finishing my sentence)

Stranger: I'm not complaining and that’s not a problem. I'll be fine (He sat down next to me)

Stranger: Are you OK? What is a beautiful woman like you doing outside a club all by herself?

In my head I was about to end this corny conversation here and then. Too many guys of such calibre filters the street and ain’t nobody got time for that!!

ME: (Smiling) Flattery will get you anywhere and everywhere but I’m fine thanks and I’m just out taking fresh air

Stranger: OK, as long as you’re fine

Following that he introduced himself and was seemingly in a similar situation as me. Out for a friend’s birthday but club night was kinda proving to be a bit too much, he was out and heading home before he saw this  ‘’damsel in distress’’ – (He thought!)

My perspective of this supposedly corny guy changed as we got talking. There was something strange going on. I felt comfortable with him, I felt I could tell him my life secrets and I am sure he felt the same way as we started sharing personal experiences and happenings close to our hearts. This was slowly turning into an Oprah show but I guess neither one of us minded. 

This was genuine. It felt right. This was therapy.

Discussions were flying from all aspects of life, from past relationships to work and hobbies. From present endeavours to future plans. I honestly think no area was left untouched. From our chat, it was evident that we had a lot in common.

I found myself telling him things about my past relationship that I haven’t been able to tell no one, things I kept to myself and never thought I’ll let out. (Don’t ask how he made me) He had this trust-me personality and wasn't demanding anything from me. We spoke freely and openly. He made no derogatory comments or gestures. He complimented my intelligence and admired my drive and passion for the things I spoke so keenly about. He was a true gentleman.

The night was getting colder and colder and he must have caught me letting off a little shiver when he offered me his jacket which I declined first (being the lady I am even though I was freezing my ass off) and later cosily wrapped myself in his warm furry jacket. Aaahhh heaven!!

Looking at him, he had this sparkly smile on his face throughout our conversation but I could see the hurt in his eyes when he spoke about his last relationship. I just wanted to give him a big hug and say it was going to be alright but I thought no… Sometimes our healing process comes from the acceptance that we are hurting and being to talk about it.

...And Revisit Your Hurt

Out in the cold; cuddly wrapped up in his jacket while he was sitting right next to me in his white shirt (without jacket). I didn't want the night to end. I was enjoying the conversation. This was quality. He was actually listening. He wasn't judging. He understood.

Well spoken, respectful, thoughtful and humorous – What a rare combo! He was a free spirit too. I didn't feel the need to impress him and his conversational skill was blowing me away. (You don’t meet many people like that) He made the night about me! Now who’ll want to hurt a thing like that?

However, all good things must come to an end. As he called for his taxi he asked how I’m going to get home. I told him I’m covered. He sat there for a while not saying anything and finally he said  ‘’We chatted like long lost friends, this is the best and longest conversation I've had in a long time and I think we were both out to meet each other and share past hurts, pain and laughter.’’ I laughed and nodded in agreement and replied ''absolutely!''

Not long after, there was a vibration from his trousers pocket which shook both of us from la la land, and that was his taxi. He insisted on walking me back to the club as he didn't want to leave me out again, all by myself. Walking me back to the night club, he said I am not going to ask you for your number, but I will give you mine. If you feel like we need to talk more, please do not hesitate to give me a call. 

He quickly added ‘’I am a good cook too, maybe we can do a lunch’’

I smiled, returned his jacket and bid him farewell, which was followed by a warm hug from my Stranger in the Night. As I walked down the stairs in the club, he stood there with this smile on his face and watched me disappeared one step at a time.

That was the last time I ever saw my Stranger in the Night.

Morning after… I had to ask myself if that actually happened. It all felt like the strangest and weirdest dream. It didn't feel real.

Was I tempted to call him? Yes.

 Did I call him? No.

Why? I thought he has played his part in my life and so have i. I wasn't attracted to him in any physical way, neither did I have any filthy dreams of him but I would have absolutely loved to stay in contact. He was a brilliant human. It was his honesty that created a solid platform for our conversation.

Now how often do these things happen to people?!

Every now and again we come across different people fighting different wars that we have no idea about. I’m happy I wasn't quick to judge him or shove his hello back in his face. I was happy I was able to give a listening ear to a total stranger and vice versa. I was extremely happy that I finally found some sort of peace within myself. I wasn't in the best place those times and God knew I needed to talk to someone. That two hours or more chat was a needed therapy. Funny because I always think I don’t need anyone, little did I know!

Give Everyone a Fighting Chance!

When I woke up in the morning it gave me something to think about. How very ironic for me to be out trying to party and drink the night away. Trying to dance away a dose of my hurt with some good music and drown my pain in some vodka. Obviously I thought I was OK, till I took a step back and revisited my past. To walk away from a bad situation we, need to revisit our inner monsters, acknowledge they are there and make peace with it.

Apparently drinking pain and hurt away is easier than going through the healing process. Acting like superman and superwoman is easier than making peace with our pasts. We are going about it all wrong.

They say time heals. No, time do not heal. Here’s an example, if you don’t do anything active to heal a wound, covering it up and saying to yourself that with time it’ll go away, you might be setting yourself up for a disaster. The next time you open up that wound it would have gone from bad to worse because no care was taken and it has started to decay. When something decays you know it’ll affect other areas that were not affected before, causing more damage. You certainly do not need that!  

Time does not heal. Healing process is an active process. Trust in the Lord...He heals and can make all things whole.

...God Heals!

Another thing that came to me that morning is this. Give everyone a chance. Even if you think they’re fools. Give everyone a fighting chance and be open. We live in a simple world with complex people, but you don’t have to be complex. Embrace something that is totally foreign to you and get out of your comfort zone. This doesn't mean you’re gullible but rather strong and brave enough to challenge yourself.

To my stranger in the night, I say thank you. Thank you and yes I still remember that night. Will I do this all over again….Yes, without an iota of doubt!

One day I hope he goes on the internet and finds this story. I hope it put a bright smile on your face like the one you left me with. One day…I hope!

Adiós mi amigo, Adiós.

J

“You may think that hiding your pain from sight is somehow going to make it disappear. I can tell you from experience that it isn't. It is just like the time as a kid when you really didn't want to eat your greens. If you hid them underneath a piece of furniture, sooner or later your mum would discover them because all she had to do was follow the smell. Just like the broccoli, hidden issues begin to smell if they are not brought out into the open air. There is no escape.” 

~ Corallie Buchanan

Till then...

Xoxo

The Bucket List

This is my Bucket List....( Inspired by the 2007 movie The Bucket List, directed by Rob Reiner,Starring Morgan Freeman & Jack Nicholson) http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0825232/

Bucket list i guess derived from the phrase ''to kick the bucket'' which means to die. So the Bucket list is simply a list of things or should i say dreams that you wish to achieve before the death bell.

Sometimes in life, we are hindered by so many things such as Fear,money,family & friends, time, religion & beliefs, insecurities and sometimes we are just waiting for that perfect time. There is no perfect time, if it happens allow it to take it course and enjoy every bit of it. Other times we are held back by the fear of failure, well i always say if you don't try, you will never know. Your life is yours to live and if anything, make a vow to yourself that you will live it to the best of your abilities. Taking risks is a vital part of living life and just in case you haven't noticed, life itself is a risk and a big one too....so live a little and give all setbacks a back kick!

Having said that,here lies my Bucket List. Some are fears and some are just mere adventures and utter bravery but again, some to you might seem like a piece of cake. It all depends on the individual i guess.
However,this will be a regularly updated list as i'll be striking them out as they are achieved.

Here goes, in no particular order (in my X-Factor voice)

• Learn how to Swim
• Learn how to ride a bicycle (Don't ask me what i was doing during my childhood)

Just a quick incidence. It was my friend's birthday and she decided to do pub crawl and guess what we were meant to do this Pub crawl by..a bicycle!! Great! I was the only one who couldnt ride. The younger ones were riding on their own and i had to be illegally towed by my cousin half way through and had to walk the rest of the journey. Now i have never wished for a better time to know how to ride a bicycle. The closest i got to riding a bicycle was captured from the picture above. Sad times i tell ya!

• Learn how to drive a car (automatic of course, i like easy life)
• Write my own book (Just One)
• Open my own business ( the idea is but a dream but you'll hear all bout it In Jesus Name)
• Meet and shake hands with Usher Raymond ( I have liked that singer since i was a child)
• Save a Life (animal or human)
• Buy a house and fill it with love and laughter ( Africa or abroad...doesn't matter )
• Adopt a Child
• Make a difference in someone's life at least once a month. (I really want to)
• Read the entire bible ( started when i was a child but i think i got distracted)
• Distinguish the difference between my right and left in matter of seconds (What a shame aye?)
• Be a pro in at least one sport. ( maybe basketball & maybe not a pro but at least to a level where i can boast. sad!)
• Get married to someone i love ( I am human...& some might not see this as an achievement but marry the wrong person then you'll learn!)
• Ride a horse (Help me Baby Jesus!)
• Ride in a Limousine (yes!)
• Spend a weekend in the poshest hotel with a loved one. ( a girl gotta live! )
• Learn how to speak one more language Fluently (Preferably Spanish or French...don't ask why)
• Have healthy Kids (Of Course..maybe 2)
• Own my very own designer bag ( i'm not a vain person but i'll love a Louis Vuitton bag)
• Learn how to play at least one musical instrument ( preferably the Piano..so far my expertise stops at Do Re Mi )
• Overcome my fear of heights ( Scary business )
• Go on Bungee Jumping (I'm not scared but i'll love the adventure)
• Travelling and i mean loads of it.( China,Spain,Egypt,Brazil,Ghana,Tanzania, and so many others)
• Learn how to cook a Chinese dish..(especially King Prawn Fried Rice) YUM!
• Visit Disney ( Yes, and act like a kid for a day, a whole day without a care in the world!)
• Win a meaningful sum of money in the lottery. (Just want to win something, you know that lucky feeling)
• Have one more tattoo (hopefully there will be no more)
• Kick my very old bad habit which is Biting my lips ( yep..no one is perfect and that habit my friend, stinks)
• Develop and learn the art of Forgiveness and forgoing grudge ( Boy...i'm a class act in that. Very bad!)
• Create a life worth living for me and my entire family ( filled with all the goodies in life, by God's grace)

If you haven't watched this movie before,please do. It's funny and there is a lesson to be learnt as well which is ....you are never too old or too young to achieve your dreams and it shouldn't take death to teach or push us to start living!

My advice is,if you want to do anything go for it. If the opprotunity arises, grab it because sometimes they only pass us once. Forget about what people think and live for yourself. The crowd is always going to be there and you will always have to interprete the noise for yourself, whether its a cheer or a Booo.....just bear in mind that your life is your stage and you can either put up the performance of a lifetime or shoot for failure and fear and eventually get booted off your very own stage.


Break the fear and take a risk....if you make a mistake, at least it will be your mistake.


WHAT IS LIFE WITHOUT RISKS? bORRRinGG!

Go on and create a list of your own and while doing it,have some fun too  :)

Poem of the Month

        The Shepherd Boy's Song

He that is down needs fear no fall, He that is low no pride; He that is humble ever shall Have God to be his guide. I am content with what I have, Little be it or much; And, Lord, contentment still I crave Because thou savest such. Fulness to such a burden is That go in pilgrimage; Here little and hereafter bliss Is best from all to age. By John Bunyan This poem i learnt at a very young age and memorised by heart. I can well say it has helped to keep me grounded one way or the other so i thought to share. Read,Absorb & be inspired!