Wednesday, 19 April 2017

The Almost Lover


Be mindful of the almost lover!



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He will put a smile on your face because he knows all your favourite things. He will come into your life, read the rules so he can break them and you won’t even know it.

He will give you uncontrollable laughter and moments that will have you smiling in public like a Cheshire cat and in your silent moments like a village idiot.
But he’s just an almost lover.

He is a dream, the dream. But do not forget nightmares are dreams too.
He will say the right things but listen carefully because he will make no promises. His language will be casual just like what he is offering. He will be fluent in almosts.

He will be around but never around, pay attention. He will do the right things but just enough for him to keep you around. He likes having you around but never in. He thrives in almosts and his whole vibe is poison. That type our grandmothers warned us against and our mothers prayed against.

He will do just what will have you thinking you have a good one. Sister, you have nothing.

He will get you twisted into giving your all while he gets away with giving back so little. He will be committed but he can never claim you.

He enjoys the benefits of a relationship but doesn’t want to be in one. He will play house and play the part well. He is the busy guy that is full of excuses but when he is around, he is full of cloud nine feels.

He thinks he is God’s gift to humanity and will make you feel like you’re lucky to have him. He will set the boundaries and he will make the rules. He will want you.

But just because he wants you doesn’t mean he values you. At least not enough to call you his.



At least not enough...


He is the innocent looking guy, the devil in a blue suit, he is the disguise and the exact shade of wrong. He knows God and will have you thinking all sorts. He is a bag of illusion and a seller of dreams. He is Mr tall dark and handsome.

He will be everything you’ve ever wished for. He is capable of loving but he will not love you...he is just an almost lover.

He will show you that he cares but never enough to show that he loves you. He is crafty and clever, he will say so little with so much and your mind will play tricks on you.

And when you think you’re about to hit the next level, he subtly reminds you of the boundaries of what you are and what you’re not without saying a word.
The almost lover is not deceitful and tell no lies, he plays with your emotions and toys with your mind. He gives feels and leaves you in a shitload of assumptions. He is the type to tell you the grass is pink and you won’t even question it.

See… he tells you and you believe because common sense is gone. The ability to question what he offers and what he says is missing. Because he sold you a dream and you were a willing buyer.

We all know the grass is not pink and will never be pink…but you believed. He is not the problem. You are the problem.

He is just an almost lover.

Again, he makes the rules and lays the boundaries. He will act the part but never be the actual. He is Mr almost, the actor who specialises in confusion. If you let him, he’ll leave you confused and discombobulated.

Don’t fall for it. Run!

And if you have to ask him what are we...you’re actually nothing. Don’t wait around for him to decide if he wants you in his life or not. Don’t hang on to every crumb he’s feeding at the dinner table...get up from the table when you have that gut feeling that love is no longer in the menu.

Don’t allow fear to hold you back.

You might want to be angry and annoyed and disgusted with Mr almost lover but you shouldn’t be. He is not the problem.


You Allowed Him...You weren't naive,
He was just good at what he does.

I am going to be really harsh and say be angry and annoyed with yourself. You allowed him. You let him into your life. He overstayed. Took what he shouldn’t be taking and claimed things he wasn’t entitled to. You let him stay for so long. You let him break pieces in your house. You allowed him in and bought all the dreams that he sold so well.

See, he is a seller and will sell to any willing buyer. Unfortunately, you were one.
You weren’t na├»ve. He was just good at what he does which is being Mr Almost Lover.

He is the almost lover but you allowed him to be Mr almost lover in YOUR life. Everything he got away with, you let him.

You let him…hoping Mr almost lover would change to the one.

Ask questions…like heck ask them! Use your outdoor voice and demand what you want. If you’re unhappy about something, speak up. Don’t shrink yourself in the name of love. It is always better to know the truth than to swim in a lake of assumptions and dwell in a fool’s paradise pretending to be happy.

He likes you, he likes you a lot and might even be missing you but not enough to call you his woman. He will never choose you and you will never be a priority in his life. When he talks about the things he loves, he will never mention you and when he speaks of his future your name doesn’t come up.

It’s not there, was never there. You can’t make someone meet you at the bridge. You can give him the best directions, you can even hold his hands there but you can’t make him stay.

He is full of feels and tastes of what you can get but will never get with him. He is so honest it hurts and that was the problem. If he is honest enough to let you know what it is, why can’t you be good to yourself and honest with him and let him know how you feel instead of building a castle in a fool’s paradise?

Don’t lose yourself in the process of finding someone. You are magnificent and you are enough. You are someone’s answered prayers but the wrong focus can divert you from the right people and the right things.

If he doesn’t choose you, I want you to choose yourself and walk away. It is only the end of the world when you refuse to choose You.

You are worthy, worthy of a love that will stay. You deserve way more than Mr Almost Lover.

Life is short so fill it with people that want to stay with you. People that adores you and things that make you happy. Be courageous and start again if you must but at your own pace.

He is Mr Almost lover and that is his deficiency. His inability to love you wholly should never taint your crown. Or have you question yourself.

You have a lot of love to give but don’t waste it on the wrong person. You deserve a love that will claim you, want you and choose you.

You deserve a love that you don’t have to question. You deserve a love that will say yes to you each day without hesitation. A love that screams yes and not spills maybes. A love that will know what they have when they have you. That God kind.

It’s out there, do not settle for crumbs!





Till then

xoxo


Wednesday, 8 March 2017

She Can Be Wild And Holy



She is not yours to fix. She doesn't need fixing!




She’s a woman…truthfully so.
She’s a woman... authentically so.
She’s a woman... cosmically so.


She could be loud or quiet,
She might be skinny or fat,
She may be tall or short.
That’s the woman she is.
Embrace her – All of her
Or keep it moving!



We Come In All Shapes and colours and sizes


Some days she prefers to wear her skirt short and go bra less.
But that’s the woman she is.
Some days she like her shorts short,
Her heels high and her dress tight.
Other days she likes them loose and long and colourful.
But that’s who she is!


She creates and recreates herself daily.
The things she likes change daily.
The traits she loves keep changing
She evolves daily
She can choose to be a mum or not,
Married or unmarried.
She is no less of a woman
And that’s the woman she is

She doesn’t have to pick sides.
She can be holy and wild.
She can be Lauryn Hill on Monday
And Sinach on Friday.
She can dab to I know who I am on Sundays
And twerk like a pro.
She can shoki to Run town
And still be the baddest prayer warrior.


You don't Know her dark moments...
how can you tell her how to be?


She doesn’t have to choose.
She can be wild and holy
She can be both
And that’s the woman she is.

Whatever or whoever she chooses to be – that’s the woman she is.
She is not on this earth to conform to your standards.
She wasn’t born to wait on your validation.
She does not exist to massage your ego.
You do not have to understand her.
And that’s the woman she is!



She Doesn't Need Your Stamp Of Validation


She cries. Laughs. Endures.
Says ‘’I’m Okay’’ even when she’s not.
She sacrifices. Fails. Triumphs.
She lives on…
And you want to tell her how to be?!
You don’t carry that much authority.
It’s her life, her body and her struggles.
Leave her be the woman she is!


She Laughs...


She can be a fierce 9-5
Or she can be the whole damn 24hours.
She can be the raging farmer
She can be the dynamic mother
She can be a beast in the boardroom
She can be the quiet storm
She can be!
For that’s the woman she is!



Some days she prefers the longest weave.
Other days she loves to rock her natural hair.
Some days she chooses to go colourful
Other days she wants to wrap it all up – majestically.
One day she might just choose to apply a whole tub of perming cream on her crown.
But that’s the woman she is
And that doesn’t make her no less of her woman.


She Is What She Prefers...


You don’t get to label her for all the things she is
And the things she’s not.
She can be bad and bougie
She can be wild
She can be ratchet and bougie
Heck…
She doesn’t have to choose.
She can be anything she wants!
And that’s the woman she is!


She is a warrior and a creator
She is capable
She is art and a mountain mover
She is phenomenal
She is magic and a lightbulb
She is a home.
She is authentically that woman!


In heels Or Trainers...she is no less of a woman!


You don’t get to choose who she is. She decides.
Society don’t get to choose who she is. She decides.
Her peers don’t get to choose who she is. She decides.
Her parents don’t get to choose who she is. She decides.
The media don’t get to choose who she is.
She decides…
And that’s the woman she is!


She is the woman she is. And that is enough!




                                                       International Women’s Day!





Till then


Xoxo



Tuesday, 14 February 2017

Love is Bigger Than Valentine's Day



21 ways to spend Valentine’s Day this year



After the joys and excitement of the New Year is the month of February. The ever so over commercialized day lies in there, the day where the married ones are overly expectant and the ones in relationship and waiting are even more excited than those who are legally-bonded. And then there is the single ones…wallowing in self-pity and thinking they’re not worthy of love.

…thanks to our generation, the pressures of this age is killing us slowly, destroying self-esteems and even something so pure and true as love.



Love...


It’s almost too chaotic and exhausting. Love is a beautiful thing and must be celebrated with no external pressures. If Valentine’s Day stresses you out in your relationship then you need to re-evaluate your love life.

Be so deeply rooted that Valentine’s Day can’t even unravel you.

The day is about love no doubt but there are different types of love. Because there are different types of love it means the day can be celebrated by everyone and in different ways.

Here’s my list of ways you can feel loved, and spread love and make the day count.

Just for the record, it is not obligatory to celebrate Valentine’s Day, don’t get lost in the sauce. You’re still dope, still special, still capable of loving and giving love in return.



Here goes…


1. Spend the day with people who have lost their loved ones. People who have suffered a great lost in recent months – give them hope that there is still enough love to go around.

 2. Be a morning person and catch the sunrise… be grateful for all the new opportunities you’re presented with and make sure to catch the sunset more importantly which is the promise of hope.


Catch The Sunset

3.   Go on a shopping spree, visit your favourite coffee shop or spot, eat your favourite food and spend an alone time with yourself. You’ll learn a thing or two about yourself.

4.   Spend the day with the homeless and less privileged. This will humble you and make you put things into perspective. You’ll then learn that there are more important things than the pressures of being single.

5.   Visit your grandparents. They are old and have limited time left so why not visit with their favourite drink and come bearing some pleasant tales of the past. All they need now is your time and love.

6.   Go to the cinema. Yes alone. Watch your favourite film and make sure to buy the largest popcorn and largest drink. Add a hot dog to that with extra mustard and don’t forget to get a good seat. Self-love.

7.   Do what you actually love, all the things you always wanted to do but never have time for. Sew that loose hem on your skirt. Cook your favourite meal. Write that poem and type up that article.

8.  Wake up early, dress immaculately and participate in 10 random acts of kindness. Make someone smile. Pay someone a compliment. Pay for someone’s coffee. Smile to strangers. Some need it more than you think.

9.  Stay home. Have a well-deserved lie in. Play your favourite songs at ignorant level. Binge on that TV series you recorded but never had the time for. Dance around in your pyjamas while you sip your favourite drink.

10.  Be a tourist in your country. Go to places you’ve never been before. Take photos of the memorable moments and enjoy the experience of experiencing something new.


Be A Tourist in your own City



 11.  Attend midweek service. Go to your local church and just thank God for your life and reflect on all the little mercies you’ve ignored while you were busy finding Mrs Right and Mr Valentine.

12. Go on a spa day and enjoy a good massage. Have a manicure and a pedicure. Sometimes life happens and you are left with little or no time for some self-loving. Don’t neglect your being. You live there after all.


Self Love is The Greatest Middle Finger of all Time!


13. Pick up that novel you’ve always wanted to read. You’ll be amazed at how     many pages you can get through when you are really enjoying a good read. These little things are good for the soul.

14. Go bowling. Go ice skating. Go swimming or hiking. Go to the zoo or the water park or amusement pack. Quad biking, horse-riding and go-karting. In short, go on an adventure and surprise yourself.

15.   Wake up in the morning and have a full blast of worship. Oh I love worshiping. Put your favourite gospel on and just worship lustily. Thank God for where you’re at and thank Him for where He is about to take you.

16.  Light the candles. Run the bath and have a long soak with a glass of wine in hand and your favourite music in the background. Lean back, close your eyes and let your mind drift to a place of bliss and light and love.


Have a Soak...


17.  Pay a visit to the hospital…the kids ward. Take a gift with you, a stuffed toy or something that will make them laugh or put a smile on their little precious faces. They need love more than you think.

18.  That dress you saved for Mr Valentine, put it on and grace the dance floor…live a little. That bottle of champagne you saved for Mrs Right, pop it open and enjoy while you watch your favourite sport…life is now.

19.  You’ve been in the gym all year trying to get that six pack for that chick and you a beach bum for the right man. But the day is here and they are not here…munch on your favourite fatty food while you’re at it understand that the right person will love you just the way you are.


Go On Life Adventures!
Live!

20.   Disconnect from social media and reconnect with yourself. Reflect and evaluate your life. Understand that you’re whole all by yourself and you’re exactly where you need to be.

21.   Say a prayer. Make sure you are praying just as much as you are wishing for it. Make God service your delight and make Him your foundation. Understand that in the absence of Valentine’s Day you are still you. God’s love is unwavering and ever present.
  

Jeremiah 29:11



Don’t be troubled by the pressures of this world. Be unshaken by societal pressures. Love is love and there are different types of love.

crave and yearn for that John 3.16 love...the kind that gives hope and is unconditional. The one that is not fickle and is built on a rock solid foundation. the love that falters not and will stand through the test of time. That God kind of Love.

You might be single…so what? You’re still a dope human. Don’t be reeled by people’s relationships…you don’t know what goes on behind closed doors. You have no idea what their relationships are built on. 

Social media can get you all confused and envious or people’s lives. It can cause you to lose focus and send you into a destructive zone.

Don’t be that person. 

Take it all with a pinch of salt and understand that social media is nothing more than the best episodes of our lives….the not so happy ones you’ll never see.
So why be envious of an illusion?!

Be content and happy. Trust the timing of your life and enjoy the process.
I was looking for a sign once because I am a professional thinker and no one criticizes me more than myself...and I am always looking for answers. This writing on the wall appealed to me. And i knew i had to trust God more and learn to not overthink joy out of this beautiful life.


Trust The Process


I am exactly where I need to be. That was all I needed to know. We all need assurance from time to time. We all fail. We all have flaws. We all have bloopers.

In a relationship or not, don't neglect the duty of loving yourself and don't bow to societal pressures.

My point is, be encouraged and trust God, trust yourself more, trust your journey and trust your destiny. What’s for you will never pass you by and you will be who you were meant to be.

Your purpose on this earth might not be as you have rehearsed it in your head – meet prince charming or Mrs Right, fall in love and get married and have beautiful kids.

We all cannot have the same paths.

Not all of us will meet the love of our lives…some of us our purpose is way greater. Embrace it.

Love is bigger…way bigger than Valentine’s Day!




Till then

Xoxo



Thursday, 27 October 2016

Defining success….on your own terms



Create Your Own Wave



Relax

You’re doing fine. You’re doing great and you’re going to be alright.
Its baby steps till you get to where you’re meant to be. It’s one day at a time till you achieve that which you set out to achieve.

The definition of success have been shoved and pushed down our throats to the point that we think success has a universal face. No it doesn’t.

We’ve sized up success to be this one size fits all garment. Wear. Just wear, it will suit you. Perfectly. Take the universal umbrella and run with it!

Save your strength and stop!

Are you going to allow society to define success for you?
Are you going to be blinded by society’s standards of success?
Are you going to be burdened and amputated by the expectations of society?
Are you going to be lowered, reduced and dragged around by the success you see and read about daily?


Depressed and worried that you’re not doing enough. Sick and tired of the pace at which you’re progressing. Beating yourself up daily because you fail to measure up to the universal gauge of success.

So we live in fear and depression of not measuring up to what society deems as success.

It could all be so easy but we as humans are always looking for a map, some sort of guidelines, life manual or a list. Stop killing yourself slowly. Were you born with instructions?

Free your potential.






You must first understand and identify what is success to you. If you don’t know then you’ll be easily pushed around by the expectations of everyone else.

Walk in your own lane. Pave your own path at your own pace. Be prayerful and commit every move into God’s hands. Be proud of your littlest accomplishments. Celebrate every little achievement. Recognise your strength. Work on your shortcomings. Do not champion your weaknesses. Acknowledge your efforts and when you fail do not stop. Take a rest and try again.

Never push yourself to exhaustion. Amidst all your hard work, make sure you protect your happy.

Mama has spoken...Major Key!

If you gain the world and it can’t even put a smile on your face then you my friend is not succeeding.

If by any chance the only mountain you were able to move was you getting out of bed, so be it. Some days everything will go wrong, that doesn’t mean you’re a failure. Understand that you cannot give more than what is in you so always protect your well-being. And at the end after you’ve given your 100 and that extra 10%, sleep with satisfaction for you have done your best and remember your best is always good enough.

You fail at a task so what? Pick yourself up and try again. Most successes today were built on roadblocks of failures. Today they have a story, a story that inspires.

I encourage you to build yours….even if it’s one that everyone laughs at today at least it’s your story.

Don’t be distracted by the next man’s success. Don’t be jealous. You do not know how much they’ve prayed. My friend once tweeted that prayer is free…and indeed it is. So stay prayed up.

Avoid comparison for it is the greatest thief of time. Avoid looking back. Understand that you are in a competition with no one but the person you were yesterday.

Don’t allow anyone to scare you. Don’t allow fear to inhibit your potential. You have everything you need to succeed in you. Remember the grace of God will never take you where the grace of God cannot protect you.

Focus!


How Many People Have You Helped?


There is no universal definition for success and success does not have a face, tone or shape. Success does not come in this glamorous package either. Success is not one size fits all.

Success is more an internal affair than external. You find it within first.

Personally money and wealth makes a fine pillow and offers a comfortable ride in this thing called life but they don’t count as success for me.

I know a lot of wealthy people who are not successful at life. Funny right? Well its possible and its sad so don’t let that be you.

Do you want to know what success is to me?

Here we go…

Success in my life is good health, happiness and love of family. Success is me able to hear the voice of my grandmother and loved ones. Success in my life is being able to do the little but significant things for myself. Success is being able to see the sunrise, watch the sunset and being able to hear the pitter patter of the rain drops. Success is being able to hear my niece and nephews saying I love you Aunt Doris. Success is coming home to peace and quiet and the smell of my dinner from last night. Success is me coiled up on my sofa with my laptop on my lap and television on my favorite channel. Success is me lying on my bed listening to my favorite songs. Success is me having the strength to praise God, my maker. Success is me being able to inspire you by my ordinary, mundane and rather boring life.

For me it is my truth, it is raw and unedited and it is genuine. It requires no approval and I do not need to paint it to make it look like yours. I don’t need to deceive you into thinking my life is perfect and I succeed in all my endeavors.







I fail sometimes. I cry too and I have bad days ever so often. Just like everyone else.

Whether you choose to interpret my idea of success as ordinary, boring or exciting and crazy that is entirely up to you and I respect it.

You know why?
Because your definition of success does not have to be packaged the same way mine is and that my friend is the beauty of success.

Not all of us were born to conquer the world and make significant difference in a big, loud and massive way. Some of us were put on this earth to make the most significant difference in the most subtle manner.

You can succeed in farming, you can also be a success in politics, you can succeed in construction and you can be a success in teaching. You can be a success in mothering.

Whatever success is to you, embrace it unapologetically and be that!

You have your definition of success. Stick to it and work on it.

No one can tell you what success is to you but you. Unless they know what your capabilities, needs, weaknesses and strength are, then they can’t tell you nothing. Stay away from they and idle chatter and construct your own path towards success.

Define success on your own terms and package it the way you want to. Wrap it up how you’d like to see it and appreciate it for what it is.

It is your journey and it is your life. Ride it like its golden.






Remember a major part of being a success is maintaining your happy.






Till then



Xoxo

Thursday, 6 October 2016

Single And Building My Empire




“Single and building my empire” but who turned you into a builder?



Are We Really Building An Empire?!



What if I tell you that you can do both?

Why all the decorations?
All the trimmings and the confetti?
Why all the background noise and the tambourine?
It’s all a bit too noisy up in here …don’t you think?
So much that you’re getting lost in all the charade.

Most importantly, are you happy?


You’re sad because you’re single and I can’t possibly think of anything sadder than that kind of sad.

You’re single and you’re sad because you think no one wants you. You’re scared that you’re going to grow old alone and you fear loneliness.

You want to keep up appearances like Ali, sally and Nelly.

You want to prove that you can pull that guy too. Or you can get the girl just like the next man. Sounds exhausting.

You are sad and you’re withering away in this tedious fight to prove that you’re high in demand. If you fight so hard to prove that you’re the business, are you really the business?!

Each night you fight this fight of belonging, the fight to keep up appearance as you cry yourself to sleep.

You’re treating life like a race. It was never one to begin with, slow down!

You’re at a stage when you haven’t met that special someone and you think time is running out so you destroy your happy…one sad thought at a time.


God's Best Is Your Best



You have successfully embedded the thoughts in your head that the only way to your happy is through someone else.

You haven’t learnt how to appreciate your alone time so you’re sad that you’re single. You hug your pillow and wet it with tears of wanting and belonging, just because you’re single.

You’re struggling with this phase and the world need not know. So you mask it with all the trimmings and special effects and life’s most deceiving filters. The truth about those filters and trimming is that they’re like the Cinderella story, come midnight its back to reality as you lay on your bed, in the dark, feeling sorry for yourself for no reason as you cry yourself to sleep.

Each passing day leaves you bitter, unfulfilled and sad. So sad that it’s almost hard to convince the world that you’re still building that empire.

Sad is no place to be…not at any time in your life because when you’re not looking It eats you up real fast.


Sadness eats you up real fast


See those filters are not loyal. Those trimmings are not loyal either…so do yourself a favour and make you your first commitment.

You are your first commitment…don’t play yourself. And don’t ever forget that.
Hold on…are we still building that empire?


Stop.

What empire are you building?
An empire of self-pity, sadness and tears?!

You aren’t building no empire.
Or if you were….

I am here to ask you to stop building that empire. Just stop.

What is your story? Who made you a builder? Who taught you that you have to keep busy to decorate your singleness? Who taught you that it’s wrong to be your own person?

Put down the shovel and hoe. Take a rest child. Put down your tools and embrace your singleness.

You are whole all by yourself and darling…being in a relationship doesn’t scream wholeness. Trust me on this one.

I know you aren’t building no empire. You’re trying to tell the world you’re too busy for love when deep down inwardly you crave for a love so deep. 

You are desperate to find that one true love and your patience is running out. But while you wait you think it’s convenient to tell the wold that you’re building that empire.

Please abort this operation stay busy of building an empire. From what I can see, it is easier to decorate our pains than to face them.





There’s is no shame in being single. It is perfectly OK to be single. It is not a taboo to be single at any age and it is certainly not an offence to be single.

There is more to life than being in the couples club. You’re single and that’s OK. Being in a relationship doesn’t make you whole.

Our generation have skilfully managed to make being single look formidable. We’ve craftily turned singleness into a taboo… but you are in charge and whatever you believe and allow is what will happen to you.

Don’t be dragged into the trend of this generation. I say it again, being single is normal and it is okay.

You’re allowed to be single without making any excuses for your singleness.


Learn to bask in your ALONE time


If single is what you are now, have no shame in your state of being. There is nothing wrong with you and you are under no obligation to decorate your singledom.

You’re single. Period. Believe that it a complete statement that requires no validation. It is a complete sentence that makes perfect sense, no need for the decorative excuses and add-ons.

Don’t try too hard to fit in that you start looking like the jester. Don’t try too hard to fit in the box that you come out damaged and confused. Be your own version of you.

Who knows who you will inspire…by just being you?

Don’t miss out on all the fun trying to be a good look. The people you’re putting a show for do they really care about you? Have you checked that they are checking for you?

You might just be alone in this fight…you might just be both the audience and the entertainer.

Embrace your state of being and at the right time, you’ll meet that special someone. Be comfortable in that phase of life that you are now. There is a time for everything under the sun.

Never ever lose sight of hope because what keeps us going is not even the love you crave for so desperately or the air you breath, what keeps the engines oiled is HOPE!

Tell people bold and loud… (Only if you want to)


You’re single.
No add-ons. No trimmings. No decorations.
…a partner should only enhance your being.

Be whole.  Stay whole
GOD IS LOVE




Till then



Xoxo