Single And Building My Empire

“Single and building my empire” but who turned you into a builder?

Are We Really Building An Empire?!

What if I tell you that you can do both?

Why all the decorations?

All the trimmings and the confetti?

Why all the background noise and the tambourine?

It’s all a bit too noisy up in here …don’t you think?

So much that you’re getting lost in all the charade.

Most importantly, are you happy?

You’re sad because you’re single and I can’t possibly think of anything sadder than that kind of sad.

You’re single and you’re sad because you think no one wants you. You’re scared that you’re going to grow old alone and you fear loneliness.

You want to keep up appearances like Ali, sally and Nelly.

You want to prove that you can pull that guy too. Or you can get the girl just like the next man. Sounds exhausting.

You are sad and you’re withering away in this tedious fight to prove that you’re high in demand. If you fight so hard to prove that you’re the business, are you really the business?!

Each night you fight this fight of belonging, the fight to keep up appearance as you cry yourself to sleep.

You’re treating life like a race. It was never one to begin with, slow down!

You’re at a stage when you haven’t met that special someone and you think time is running out so you destroy your happy…one sad thought at a time.

God's Best Is Your Best

You have successfully embedded the thoughts in your head that the only way to your happy is through someone else.

You haven’t learnt how to appreciate your alone time so you’re sad that you’re single. You hug your pillow and wet it with tears of wanting and belonging, just because you’re single.

You’re struggling with this phase and the world need not know. So you mask it with all the trimmings and special effects and life’s most deceiving filters. The truth about those filters and trimming is that they’re like the Cinderella story, come midnight its back to reality as you lay on your bed, in the dark, feeling sorry for yourself for no reason as you cry yourself to sleep.

Each passing day leaves you bitter, unfulfilled and sad. So sad that it’s almost hard to convince the world that you’re still building that empire.

Sad is no place to be…not at any time in your life because when you’re not looking It eats you up real fast.

Sadness eats you up real fast

See those filters are not loyal. Those trimmings are not loyal either…so do yourself a favour and make you your first commitment.

You are your first commitment…don’t play yourself. And don’t ever forget that.

Hold on…are we still building that empire?

Stop.

What empire are you building?

An empire of self-pity, sadness and tears?!

You aren’t building no empire.

Or if you were….

I am here to ask you to stop building that empire. Just stop.

What is your story? Who made you a builder? Who taught you that you have to keep busy to decorate your singleness? Who taught you that it’s wrong to be your own person?

Put down the shovel and hoe. Take a rest child. Put down your tools and embrace your singleness.

You are whole all by yourself and darling…being in a relationship doesn’t scream wholeness. Trust me on this one.

I know you aren’t building no empire. You’re trying to tell the world you’re too busy for love when deep down inwardly you crave for a love so deep. 

You are desperate to find that one true love and your patience is running out. But while you wait you think it’s convenient to tell the wold that you’re building that empire.

Please abort this operation stay busy of building an empire. From what I can see, it is easier to decorate our pains than to face them.

There’s is no shame in being single. It is perfectly OK to be single. It is not a taboo to be single at any age and it is certainly not an offence to be single.

There is more to life than being in the couples club. You’re single and that’s OK. Being in a relationship doesn’t make you whole.

Our generation have skilfully managed to make being single look formidable. We’ve craftily turned singleness into a taboo… but you are in charge and whatever you believe and allow is what will happen to you.

Don’t be dragged into the trend of this generation. I say it again, being single is normal and it is okay.

You’re allowed to be single without making any excuses for your singleness.

Learn to bask in your ALONE time

If single is what you are now, have no shame in your state of being. There is nothing wrong with you and you are under no obligation to decorate your singledom.

You’re single. Period. Believe that it a complete statement that requires no validation. It is a complete sentence that makes perfect sense, no need for the decorative excuses and add-ons.

Don’t try too hard to fit in that you start looking like the jester. Don’t try too hard to fit in the box that you come out damaged and confused. Be your own version of you.

Who knows who you will inspire…by just being you?

Don’t miss out on all the fun trying to be a good look. The people you’re putting a show for do they really care about you? Have you checked that they are checking for you?

You might just be alone in this fight…you might just be both the audience and the entertainer.

Embrace your state of being and at the right time, you’ll meet that special someone. Be comfortable in that phase of life that you are now. There is a time for everything under the sun.

Never ever lose sight of hope because what keeps us going is not even the love you crave for so desperately or the air you breath, what keeps the engines oiled is HOPE!

Tell people bold and loud… (Only if you want to)

You’re single.

No add-ons. No trimmings. No decorations.

…a partner should only enhance your being.

Be whole.  Stay whole

GOD IS LOVE

Till then

Xoxo

Sex On The First Date

Dimmed lights…Marvin Gaye playing on the stereo, wine glasses clinking and you’re getting comfortable with each other….the mood is set.

Let's get it ooon….

The Mood Is Set...Emotions are flying

Hold up sister!

Hang on brother!

Sex is not just getting naked. Sex is not just being intimate with a total stranger. Sex is more than the exchange of fluids. Sex is more than skin deep. Sex is not just letting your guard down. Sex is more than a ruffled bed and few used tissues on the floor. Sex is more than a feel-good thang.

Its way more than what you think!

You meet someone and you think you’re in love. Sometimes they don’t feel the same way but you thought sex can change the way they feel about you. Other times lust takes over. Sometimes you give it away for something in exchange. Other times you just can’t help it. Sometimes it is the only way you know how to show your emotions. Other times you’re just insecure, having a bad day, desperate or having low self-esteem.

Sex Is Not a Remedy!

She has a body of a goddess and he has all the packs and muscles intact. You envision them lifting you up to all these positions and heights of excitement. You envision you engulfing and running your hands through all of her curves and edges. Then the butterflies start. Your brain takes a back seat.

Take your brain with you!

Depending on what you’re looking for…Sex on the first date can be a recipe for disaster. (In my opinion) Remember when a person is really into you, they won’t want to grab all the goodies on the first date. If he does, then that says a lot about his character.

Run for the hills

If you offer sex on a platter, there is a huge chance that they won’t turn it down. But why would they?

VALUE

When you know the value of something you don’t just give it away to anyone. You cherish it and take care of it. Some give it away like it is nothing but in the words of Maya Angelou when you know better, you do better. If you know how powerful that thing between your legs is, then you will value it more. Till you learn the power that lies between those legs, you’ll likely to fall short in between sheets and wake up the next morning with a heap of regrets!

You are not alone, do better!

Not a substitute

Surprisingly there are a handful of people that think sex constitutes love. Sex is not a substitute for love and will never be. Sex can’t make them love you. Sex won’t make them walk you down the aisle. Sex won’t make them commit. Sex alone won’t make you the only one, remember most times, you’re not the only one trying to be the only one. They will sure stick around for the goodies but when the jar is empty or when he sees a better looking cookie you become a thing of the past. Where does that leave your battered emotions and vagina?

Sex alone is not enough –

Newsflash – You’re a whole being

There’s so much to you than just your vagina or penis, your boobs and your six packs. You can give so much more than just sex. You’re a human being with a brain, a soul and eyes and nose etc. Make them fall in love with the way you smile. The way you giggle. The way you think and the crazy stuff you say sometimes. The way you sulk. The awkwardness in your walk and the way you get excited when you talk about something passionate. Give them a chance to fall in love with your flaws because when they do that is what will make for a lifetime of laughter and long friendship.

If sex is the only thing you have to offer, what are you bringing to the table?

Familiar Strangers

 ‘’oh we just connected and I felt so comfortable with him like I’ve known him the longest. We felt like familiar strangers. I think he/she is the one’’ I say stop smoking that good kush and give up alcohol because clearly that was lust making an appearance in grand style. That was common sense leaving your body. That is the bullshit excuse you are looking for to justify the sexual escapade you’re planning in your mind. That is you thinking you’re in love.

Stop it!

Familiar Strangers...

 It is better when connected!

Sex is better when you connect on a level. On a spiritual and emotional level, not just physical. Hey I'm no saint but trust me, sex feels waaay better when it’s properly channelled. It is safer and more enjoyable. If you think you’re enjoying sex now, imagine how great it will be with someone you connect with and actually love?!

Wait for it. Take time to build a relationship.

Take Time To Build...

Don’t underestimate the power of sex

Don’t get me wrong, sex is a powerful bonding mechanism. Sex is powerful. It binds bodies and ties soul. Good sex can make paralyse your finances. Good sex can make you want to scream the L word when you don’t even know the meaning of Love. Good sex can lengthen a very bad relationship. Good sex can destroy you. See why you should stay away till the time is right? Abstain till you feel you’re comfortable. Stay away till you’re totally sure of what you’re doing. Don’t allow lust to overshadow your vision. If you can’t handle it, abstain, you won’t die!

Dangerous territory!

Clouds judgement

Sleeping with someone on the first date clouds your vision. All you see is a one way road. No one can tell you anything.  It is always better to know who you’re baring your soul to. It is better to know the person you’re getting naked with.

As I mentioned earlier, sex is more than what meets the eye. Chemistry between two adult is great but you are going to need more than that when you wake up in the morning and look at yourself in the mirror. You are going to need more than that when you finishing moaning and groaning and looking for your panties and boxers on the floor. You’re going to wake up three months later and think ‘’what was I thinking??!!’

You then find out the only thing you have in common exists between the sheets.

Hooked. Addicted. Disabled. Helpless. Needy

Most people I have spoken with, especially women expect a lot after sleeping with a guy. They want a relationship or something long term and permanent. No serious minded girl wants to be a bed hopper. After sex, they feel the need to cling and hold on to this person no matter how unfit he/she is for them. You finally get to know this person but it’s a tad bit too late, you now feel trapped and disabled because you've had sex and leaving won’t be ideal.

This is a bad place to be. You feel imprisoned, especially women.  They become numb to their gut feelings. You become almost helpless and needy.

Needy. Clingy. Helpless

Easy come. Easy go

Hate me for this but if you sleep with someone on the first date, you’re easy. Yes. And you know what they say, easy come easy go. They will leave you dry and hanging and drop you like a wasp. They will have little or no respect for you. They will hardly ever take you seriously. That is not the way you want to be perceived but can you blame them?! Anything easily gained is hardly respected, valued and cherished. Someone who is genuinely interested in you will wait. Now this might sound harsh but if you were that easy to get you will be easily forgotten.

Ladies 

We especially need to be careful about sex. Men will say anything to get some and if you’re offering on a platter, even better. They will do anything to get into your panties, blame society but the way it is, fingers are pointing towards us more if we engage in countless sexual escapades with different partners. That thing between your legs is powerful, use it like you know the value of it. Flirt all you like, safe flirting but once you jump into that bed it’s a different story. Try not to write a regret story.

Some people grow old with their first sexual partner. Some people get married to their one night stander. Others will tell you they have a happy family with someone they had sex on the first date with. Everyone story is different.

However, Personally I wouldn't advice it.

All the guys whistling at you and blowing your phone off with countless messages doesn't mean you’re the hottest. It doesn't even mean you are that chick. It doesn't mean you are the ‘’baddest’’ either. In fact it doesn't mean anything! Don’t be gullible. Don’t be naive. Get off that hype.

I do not believe in rules and all that but that is not to say you shouldn't act wisely. Who is to say that guy who waited for 6 months won’t hop and leave as soon as he gets some? Who’s to say?!! There are no rules to this game.

Men will tell you oh we don’t have time for all the childish games but they will sit with their mates and shout oh I love a challenge, these chicks are too easy!

Don’t be fooled.

Be mature about it

If you by any chance messed up like we all do, be an adult about it. Play safe, sexually transmitted diseases are real. Be wise, unwanted pregnancy is not the way forward. Remember no one forced you to do it, take responsibility and fix it. Please think of how it’ll affect you rather than how the guy will see you. You are more important.

We have all been stupid in love…and in bed!

Remember, your naked body is ONLY for someone who is in love with your naked soul

Till next time...

xoxo