Single And Building My Empire

“Single and building my empire” but who turned you into a builder?

Are We Really Building An Empire?!

What if I tell you that you can do both?

Why all the decorations?

All the trimmings and the confetti?

Why all the background noise and the tambourine?

It’s all a bit too noisy up in here …don’t you think?

So much that you’re getting lost in all the charade.

Most importantly, are you happy?

You’re sad because you’re single and I can’t possibly think of anything sadder than that kind of sad.

You’re single and you’re sad because you think no one wants you. You’re scared that you’re going to grow old alone and you fear loneliness.

You want to keep up appearances like Ali, sally and Nelly.

You want to prove that you can pull that guy too. Or you can get the girl just like the next man. Sounds exhausting.

You are sad and you’re withering away in this tedious fight to prove that you’re high in demand. If you fight so hard to prove that you’re the business, are you really the business?!

Each night you fight this fight of belonging, the fight to keep up appearance as you cry yourself to sleep.

You’re treating life like a race. It was never one to begin with, slow down!

You’re at a stage when you haven’t met that special someone and you think time is running out so you destroy your happy…one sad thought at a time.

God's Best Is Your Best

You have successfully embedded the thoughts in your head that the only way to your happy is through someone else.

You haven’t learnt how to appreciate your alone time so you’re sad that you’re single. You hug your pillow and wet it with tears of wanting and belonging, just because you’re single.

You’re struggling with this phase and the world need not know. So you mask it with all the trimmings and special effects and life’s most deceiving filters. The truth about those filters and trimming is that they’re like the Cinderella story, come midnight its back to reality as you lay on your bed, in the dark, feeling sorry for yourself for no reason as you cry yourself to sleep.

Each passing day leaves you bitter, unfulfilled and sad. So sad that it’s almost hard to convince the world that you’re still building that empire.

Sad is no place to be…not at any time in your life because when you’re not looking It eats you up real fast.

Sadness eats you up real fast

See those filters are not loyal. Those trimmings are not loyal either…so do yourself a favour and make you your first commitment.

You are your first commitment…don’t play yourself. And don’t ever forget that.

Hold on…are we still building that empire?

Stop.

What empire are you building?

An empire of self-pity, sadness and tears?!

You aren’t building no empire.

Or if you were….

I am here to ask you to stop building that empire. Just stop.

What is your story? Who made you a builder? Who taught you that you have to keep busy to decorate your singleness? Who taught you that it’s wrong to be your own person?

Put down the shovel and hoe. Take a rest child. Put down your tools and embrace your singleness.

You are whole all by yourself and darling…being in a relationship doesn’t scream wholeness. Trust me on this one.

I know you aren’t building no empire. You’re trying to tell the world you’re too busy for love when deep down inwardly you crave for a love so deep. 

You are desperate to find that one true love and your patience is running out. But while you wait you think it’s convenient to tell the wold that you’re building that empire.

Please abort this operation stay busy of building an empire. From what I can see, it is easier to decorate our pains than to face them.

There’s is no shame in being single. It is perfectly OK to be single. It is not a taboo to be single at any age and it is certainly not an offence to be single.

There is more to life than being in the couples club. You’re single and that’s OK. Being in a relationship doesn’t make you whole.

Our generation have skilfully managed to make being single look formidable. We’ve craftily turned singleness into a taboo… but you are in charge and whatever you believe and allow is what will happen to you.

Don’t be dragged into the trend of this generation. I say it again, being single is normal and it is okay.

You’re allowed to be single without making any excuses for your singleness.

Learn to bask in your ALONE time

If single is what you are now, have no shame in your state of being. There is nothing wrong with you and you are under no obligation to decorate your singledom.

You’re single. Period. Believe that it a complete statement that requires no validation. It is a complete sentence that makes perfect sense, no need for the decorative excuses and add-ons.

Don’t try too hard to fit in that you start looking like the jester. Don’t try too hard to fit in the box that you come out damaged and confused. Be your own version of you.

Who knows who you will inspire…by just being you?

Don’t miss out on all the fun trying to be a good look. The people you’re putting a show for do they really care about you? Have you checked that they are checking for you?

You might just be alone in this fight…you might just be both the audience and the entertainer.

Embrace your state of being and at the right time, you’ll meet that special someone. Be comfortable in that phase of life that you are now. There is a time for everything under the sun.

Never ever lose sight of hope because what keeps us going is not even the love you crave for so desperately or the air you breath, what keeps the engines oiled is HOPE!

Tell people bold and loud… (Only if you want to)

You’re single.

No add-ons. No trimmings. No decorations.

…a partner should only enhance your being.

Be whole.  Stay whole

GOD IS LOVE

Till then

Xoxo

Complementary Not Completion

This one is for my ladies… Can we just get it together?

Let's Get It Together

‘’There are things I want to do. Places I want to see. Cultures I want to explore. Sunsets I want to experience and sunrises I want to wallow in but….

I am going to wait till the love of my life gets here. I will hold on till Mr right knocks. I will pause my life till my knight in shining armour appears. My whole being shall be on recess. I shall not be moved!’’

Just stop right there…. And I am here to beg you to moooove!

You Are Not a Rock...MOVE

How alarming it is to see young and capable ladies putting their lives on hold for love. They waste days and nights looking for life partners, months and years yearning for their soul mates. Only to realise few years down the line when it’s a little too late that Love finds you.

I believe in self-development, self-care and self-love. Let it be in your make up. Live it and let it be your truth.

Exhibit it so loud that it’ll separate the sheep from the wolves. So loud that your fears and insecurities are laid to rest. You know what they say, you set the standard of how people are meant to treat you. You set the standard of how people are meant to love you.

Ultimately…It all begins with you.

Yep You!

You want to eat in that plush restaurant but you want Mr Right to take you there, you want to go watch that movie but you need a guy to accompany you, basically you want to get your life together but you’re waiting on Mr Right.

Sister…get it together!

Mr Right will come but first…

You’ll need to stop being the devil’s workshop and get busy. You will need to set your house in order, you've got to develop your inner man and when you've grown to be your own person, you’ll need to be unapologetically you.

You’ll have to know who you are as a person. Find yourself while you’re single. I am not saying your life should be perfect for you to get a Mr right but relationship is hard work so knowing who you are makes the workload a tad easier. If you don’t know who you are, chances are you will easily get lost in someone else.

Many a times we want someone to love we for who we are but deep down we do not even know who we are or what we want.

If you go into the relationship as a burden, you’ll break its back before it even set off to the stage of walking. Refuse to be that needy girl.

Don't Be That Girl

So I ask you...

How are you going to present yourself to him? How are you going to introduce yourself to him? You want him to love you for you but who are you again? Do you even know?

The truth is even if Mr Right comes in all his glory and you’re in the wrong place in your life, he will still not be your Mr right. This is called a misplaced opportunity.

Don’t be that person.

Believe it or not, the woman who’s on her grind, fixing her life, living fully and not waiting on no validation is more attractive than that bum sitting at home waiting for Mr right to buy her that red bottoms.

Likewise, A finely built house on the market is often more expensive and more marketable than an unfinished and tattered house. Simply because it holds more value because the owner has spent time and energy into making it that way.

Your being is your temple and you are the architect, put in the work. Make it beautiful. Make it interesting.

A Relationship involves two people working towards a common goal not one man financing the needs of a needy and desperate girl. A relationship is not a guy with a net ready to rescue the other party from unhappiness. A relationship is not the answer to all your problems.

A Relationship Is Two People Working Together
Towards A Common Goal

People who often wait around for Mr Right expect too much. And when those needs are not met, they say he was a failure but how did you contribute towards that failed relationship? Why were your expectations so high? Why did you think he will be your endless supply of happiness while you put in zero efforts? Why did you think he will be your all time high?

Get real.

Are you looking for a partner or a saviour?

Again I say be unapologetically you so much that when that knight in shining armour makes an appearance even if he loves you less on some days, you’ll still be you and you won’t be any less of a person.

When a man finds you in that form, you leave him with no choice but to treat you with the love and respect you’ve already been showering on yourself.  He will stand up to be the man that you need him to be which is the man that would love, respect and adore you if he doesn’t then he has no place in your temple, no place in your life and kindly be unafraid to show him the exit and continue to stay fabulous.

He should meet you in all your elements…doing great things for yourself, enjoying life to its fullest and relishing each moment of now. He should take off where you left off. He should complement your being and not complete you.

Don’t waste your time on earth waiting on your full stop. Look within. God has given you all you need to succeed in this world you just need to recognise and act accordingly.

Don’t lose sight of who you are. You’re packed with greatness and awesomeness. Walk with your head high and exude all the elements of greatness you were created with like excellence, grace, elegance, happiness, contentment, confidence and more.

You’re so much more. If only you know baby girl.

No Apologies 'round here.

However, it is not wrong to desire a man, it is not foolish to want someone to share your life with and it is not settling to wish you had someone to experience certain things with you but don’t put your life on hold.

Remember you might not have all your shit together but with all your flaws and imperfections you are still complete. You are the package!

You should be great all by yourself so when Mr Right comes, you’ll be a force. You’re good all by yourself but with the right guy you should be better. You’re strong all by yourself but with the right one you should be stronger. You should be happy but with the right guy you should be happier.

Why?

Because the right people brings out the best in you...even on bad days and the days you find it hard to smile. The best people inspire you to do better. Basically whatever they bring to the table should add to you and not take away from what you’ve already built.

Don’t stay in the dumps and expect your prince charming to come rescue you from the debris of your senselessness.

You are your own person first before you can be someone else’s.

So I say to you...

Go on that trip, dine at the finest restaurants, treat yourself, be happy, date yourself, travel wide and far, keep smiling, be unapologetically you, trust your dopeness, be alone with your thoughts, dance, buy the shoes, go on that spa date, stay on your grind, don’t wait on weekends, pay your bills, be unbothered, take up a hobby, go to the movies and buy your own popcorn, validate yourself, be kind, laugh at yourself, live, be thoughtful, pray and slay!

Who knows, during this course, Mr Right might just walk in.

Stay Fabulous!

Stay fabulous my ladies!

Till then…

Xoxo

Dating My Generation

I would like you to have a cup of patience and a plate of sighs to go with your anti-pissed off tablet today. 

Why you might wonder, because what I’m about to say will probably hit a nerve, so get prepared.

My mother is always on my case telling me how picky I am and my dad is always asking after my bloke, as he calls it. What they don’t get is how disturbed our generation is when it comes to dating.

Maybe it’s just me or maybe I am just stuck in an unknown era but dating my generation is a conquest on its own.

I mean, life is hard already. Dating shouldn’t be a pain.

We Have Forgotten The Simple Things

First of all, we all think we’re the best thing since sliced bread. And don’t get me wrong I am all for self-love and knowing thy worth.

But my oh my… my generation takes the boat out to sea!

When someone shows interest in us we start rolling out the calendar. We start acting like a fool, stringing them along to see how long the person will keep pursuing our interest and consequently be the fool for us.

Well here’s the thing about playing hard to get, you need to know when to stop, but my generation ….ahhh we have no stop sign.

In dating my generation get ready for the competition of a lifetime. Everything is a competition and I mean EVERYTHANG.

Who’s going text or call first? Who’s going to make the first move and how many hours apart must the texts be. Everything is so carefully calculated.

If you take 5 minutes to reply to my messages best believe we’ll times that by 5 before we send a response.

Our greatest struggle is the fight in our heads.

“Should I text them first? Or should I wait for them to text me?” “How long should I wait to text them back?” “He took an hour to answer my text, how long should I wait now?”

The struggle is real.

To Text Or Not To Text

Oh let me use all the fibre in my being to ignore this message even though I want to respond so bad, I don’t want to look desperate, so let me wait till 6 hours later because they took 5 hours to get back to me after my last text.

Yea I don’t have a life…my existence is for you and you alone.

It could all be so simple but we’ve managed to riddle the dating scene with manipulative mind games and succeeded in making it complicated.

Well done!

In my generation, we have the Instagram-o-meter and the Facebook-o-meter by which love is measured.

No matter how much you love me if you do not validate us by posting a pic of us on all the social networks then I’m sorry, we’re not a couple.

No show of my picture on your Instagram and Facebook? Then we are not in love, sorry love.

It's Not Valid Till It's Online

What will people think? Oh no, people are going to think we are not a couple. Or maybe there is someone else.

What about the fact that I may not want all that attention into what we share?!

No matter how authentic what we have going on is, we are not official until you Facebook, Twitter and Instagram it. In my generation the only validation you need is the likes!

Yaay...let do it for the likes!

The ultimate validation lies in the approval of strangers in the form of 40 comments and 100 likes.

Oh the crazy mental sad horror!

Do Not Believe The Hype On Social Media

And you better remember to change that relationship status on Facebook because the relationship will end even before it started.

We are a very exhausting generation.

Dates have become auditions and job interviews. We go to a date and act like the other is doing us a huge favour. My friend, am not here to get a mortgage or get a job. Let’s get it together.

 

A Date Or An Audition?

Ok that’s not all, we won’t ask you out like a normal human being, we will resort to that Neanderthal lifestyle and chirp like birds and wolf whistle the life out of you in the streets. Blow car horns and scare the hell out of you, they will hunt you down with plethora of slangs and derogatory names and you have to look away and ignore like nothing happened.

That Neanderthal Lifestyle

We seem to have foul-mouthed and rudeness on a lock down!

You’re not allowed to say no to an interested party. They will cuss the daylight out of you. Yes we are a manner less generation with potty mouth and filthy antics.

Trust is a myth and so is loyalty and commitment. Ain’t nobody got time for that. We will replace you so fast, you’ll doubt your existence. We will tell you there are many fishes in the sea and we will sing Beyoncé’s irreplaceable for you because we are always irreplaceable but you are not.

We will update our Facebook status so fast and with the speed of light we'll upload an apt quote on Instagram for you. Yep we know how to air our dirty lining in the public!

Don’t play with us. We do this!

My generation is the most confuxed generation. You know that unique state of being both confused and fucked up at the same time …yea that.

We are promiscuous, disrespectful, foul-mouthed and self-centred – backed with a lot of ego to feed a village.

The Disrespect And Disregard Is Real

We are an emoji- obsessed generation. Deciphering every Emoji used in a text message will leave you utterly misplaced and confused, yea we have abandoned the simple ways.

Why do we insist on making life so hard?! 

It doesn’t end there, we will bombard you with WYD, HRU, and GM wrapped in excessive LOLs and lmaoo. You will think it’s a typo but no, please understand that this is us trying to show emotions. This is my generation telling you they care about you.

How A Simple Message Can Be Lost

A phone call would have been so much easier but unfortunately we've made phone calls a dying art.

My generation. We are just a special breed.

Our most creative idea of a date is on the couch with the most recent upload on Netflix with a bottle of Blossom Hill. If you’re lucky we’ll throw in popcorn as starters and ice cream as dessert. Yep, sorted.

CheapSkates OR Nah?!

Are we just cheapskates or we’re just a lazy-can’t-be-bothered-generation?

To ease the responsibility of dating, we have managed to coin so many uncanny terms for our Significant other. The friend zone – when we feel like you’re nothing but a mate, we have the cuffing season where we claim it’s too cold to be alone so we cop ourselves another human to shield the winter. Friends with benefits, this is where we believe you’re nothing but a generous friend who offers benefits like casual sex and casual hanging out – no emotions attached.

How convenient!

Friends With Benefits - Effortless Dating

We are an emotionless generation. We even break up through a text and we don’t care about your tears or broken heart or quivering voice or the tubs of ice-creams you may have squandered.

Yea…welcome to my robotic generation.

Another thing is choices. Our choices are killing us. We have no time to put in the effort in anything, even if it’s worth doing. Why would I spend time trying to make something work when I can get another in a matter of minutes?

How luxurious!

Effortless Generation...Why Bother?!

We do everything but date. We chill. We kick it. We hangout. We hook up. We specialises in one nighters. But if it requires effort, count us out. We are not about that life.

A label free generation, that’s what we are.

YOLO!

We accept so little and settling for mediocrity is the order of my generation.

Romance is measured in a trivia thing as a good morning text and changing my government name to bae. 

When did we learn to satisfy and be comfortable with so little?!

We Need Education...Please Help!

No good morning text. Oh no they’ve found someone else. Someone’s taken my place. He doesn’t love me anymore, she’s cheating on me.

That’s not love, that is attachment!

A generation of extreme paranoia! That’s what we are.

With my generation, all the chance you get is one night. One night to show who you are. One night to give it all up. One night to show you have masters in being a super girlfriend and a degree in being the doting boyfriend. Bring your A game Or else you’re a write-off.  No second chances.

Result of endless choices.

We are a smash-and-pass generation. We have carefully changed the dating game to a game of smash and pass.

Social networks like Tinder, Facebook and Instagram has just managed to legalise hook-ups. I see your picture and the next hour we’re meeting up for a drink or more.

Easy peasy…

My mother’s generation would slowly and carefully take time to create something meaningful and solid but my generation, we microwave everything. From our food right down to our relationships. We are a readymade-obsessed generation.

Our Parents Mend & Fix.

We Trash & Burn

Yea as if it’s not bad enough, Tinder, match.com and the likes just made the game more heated.

And we love it!

When things go sour, our father’s generation would try to sweeten it again. When the stitches are getting lose on the relationship, they will mend it together.

We do not have time for that. Ride what wave? Die for what? Mend what relationship? If it ends, so be it…On to the next. And we will tell you that we replace, we do not chase.

Are you convinced that we are special yet?

Imperfections are not tolerated. You have no room to have a crooked eyebrow or a bit of love handle, nor are you allowed to be human or living with your parents. You must be perfect and on fleek at all times.

We woke up like this.

We make a conscious effort to play it cool and pretend we have no blood running through our veins. We go out of our way to work against all what comes natural to us. Like loving, caring and giving a damn about someone.

We are ridiculously foolish.

How i see it, we are nothing but a scared and scarred generation. Scared of the unknown and scarred by past experiences. So we've built walls and cemented it with a careless and ruthless approach to love and relationship.

In Protecting Our Hearts, We Hurt Others

But…

Love is still love. From the days of our parents’ parents to this very moment, the definition of love haven’t changed but however the generation’s changed. And as time changes, love that is so pure and true have been tainted with ego, pride, laziness and promiscuity.

The power to love have been overcome by the need to be cool and be seemingly uninterested.

We are scared to be vulnerable, scared to show emotions and be open, afraid to be human therefore we succumbed to the robotic lifestyle.

Yep can’t touch this!

We are cowards. Cowards who do not have the guts and what it takes to risk loving another wholeheartedly, without doubts and judgement, without fear and pride.

Today I challenge you.

To lay it all on the table and tell that person how you feel, unleash the emotions that you have been holding in for so long. Forget what you learnt. Stop fighting it. Forget what the world have taught you and just love someone. Love someone with every fibre of your being then and only then you’ll know what love really is. 

Whatever we give into the world, we get back….in thousand folds.

so give love…

If you find an old soul that loves like its 1999….hold on to them.

Let's Bring It Back

Let’s bring it back, let’s bring loving back like its 1999…

Till then

Xoxo