What Africa never prepared me for…As I journeyed to the United Kingdom!

Well, quite a lot actually.

Thinking about it.

Natin, absolutely natin!

Sierra Leone didn't give me the memo to anything London related.

This was a new life. This was adaption 2.0

I was in limbo!

Upon arrival, I was lost. 

Sierra Leone was home, still home and my reality.

That was quickly altered or should I say edited.

Landed in the United Kingdom in the dead of winter and as that winter blizzard slapped me across the face, I promised myself that Sierra Leone will forever remain my reality –

My unedited reality.

I was a teenager, uprooted from everything I know. Separated from my friends and culture. Divided from everything I have ever known. Detached from my roots and planted into the unknown.

I had no choice but to blossom in the uncertainty in the midst of my formative years.

The great news was, I was joining my parents which makes the transition a bittersweet ordeal.

And it began…

Aeroplane ride was a delight. Loved the ride. I love heights and adventure so that experience which I have only before seen on telly is coming alive for me.

I was over the moon.

Can you blame an African child who’s never crossed the river?

Does the war count? Well even that I fled by car to Guinea with my brother, few cousins and grandmother, and aeroplane to The Gambia – the experience was non-existent in my memory, partly because I was young and partly due to all the chaos that surrounded it.

We landed safely in the United Kingdom.

Welled up with a mixture of fear, anxiety and joy, I didn't know what to expect.

My first real fear was the escalator…who made these moving monsters of a stair I thought to myself. Why so high and mighty…I am talking about the never-ending escalators at Gatwick. 

That’s no beginners’ affair.

I was terrified.

My younger teenage brother was more adventurous and before I could wink, he hopped on the escalator and shouted in the most exhilarating and ecstatic voice in our local parlance

‘’Na return ah day return, na ya me day. You na kam you kam’’

Pekin Noto Yase!

Wow…my first wave of embarrassment in London. This kid was unbelievable and utterly unfiltered.

This loud outburst commanded a few weird looks from strangers and onlookers but bless him.

The innocence of a child is bliss!

After his innocent outburst, I couldn’t help but laugh as I adjusted my shoes which now couldn’t fit because I had on my brother’s socks used as a double as my toes were numb and nipples hard as a softball.

I wasn’t doing too well with this transition thing.  Don’t think I’ve ever fully adjusted, even as I type this.

My brother, of course, landed safely at the other end of the escalator and was waving with so much pride and sense of achievement. I gave him a smile I mustered with all my strength amidst my fear at this point of never making it to the top of the escalator.

Bo na so London tan? Take me back bo. Ah beg, I’m sorry!

I was finally assisted by one of the guards at the airport…i made it people, I said I made it!

From my easy going life of simplicities and strings of Hakuna Matata to a swirl of what seemed like the Hunger Games.

Well damn!

No one told me London was going to be a series of hurdles for me to overcome.

Let’s face it if you have seen me in person I look like I can be blown away by the wind. I can barely walk in a straight line….I was never the sporty type!

And London was like…I got you! Ha!

At this very moment, my thoughts were…Doris, you’ve run out of options.

I was doomed! I could cry…

My mum and I locked eye.

When she saw me at first glance she screamed.

Not out of fear but disbelief as I looked so …so out of it.

I tell ya, I was losing it.

And it’s only been a couple of hours. Sierra Leone was sounding like a mighty fine option for me at this point.

Take me back...I thought to myself.

My mother grabbed me and took me into the bathroom, polished me and I came out looking like a fresh African Londoner. I even smelled like them.

This business was automatic.

I looked at myself in the mirror and I murmured …Presentable...I nodded to myself as I make my way out of the bathroom.

As we left the airport and happily skipped towards the carpark, I saw a gust of smoke escaped my mouth as I exhaled. I stopped talking and it escaped through my nostrils. I opened my mouth again, a bigger gust of cloud escaped.

This was no Cool Runnings but my oh my…it might as well be!

I had to ask. Why am I breathing smoke, to which my dad replied with the most annoying smirk, condensation but welcome to LONDON!

It was all a bit too much. What is this situation, I pondered.

Was it a cloud, steam, fog, vapour, frozen air?

I was looking like a winter dragon right about now. Huffing and puffing nuff cold steam.

I thought to myself, humans live in this condition. I had too many questions and was too embarrassed to ask.

I kept them in.

As we embarked on the long drive home from Gatwick airport, I noticed all the shades of greys. It was quiet, dark and gloomy.

And cold!

The roads were wider than my usual and cars smaller than my usual. The streets felt abandoned and only littered with car horns and blinding fog lights.

No humans. Just humans in cars.

I wasn’t ready. Na graveyard?

At this point I was thinking who have I offended in this life for me to deserve this?

The houses were like those in my storybook my parents used to send back home, but less colourful - all like miniature sized homes with similar characteristics.

Why are the houses so small? – I thought this was London, I thought hard to myself. Everything was supposed to be big and extravagant.

Bigger and better…

Well that was my perception anyway until my rude awakening.

I was baffled! I was swimming in trance…

I was wrong and looking at the sizes of the cars on the carefully paved roads  - I knew I was in for the shock of my life.

Please take me back! That unpaved road back in my country was all I could think of.

Yes to koto koto road.

I can endure that. Take me back!!

Back at the house, my mum had a rich and delicious spread of the most British palate, including fruits I’ve never seen and certainly didn’t know how to pronounce…whatever in the world was pomegranate? Why does it sound like a disease but looked like an oversized onion? (My hunger was screaming cassava leaves. It was a struggle)

Looking around my parents’ tiny abode, it was filled with so much love and joy. I suddenly realised we have been missing this for some time now.

My dad had the widest smile, my cousins intrigued and curious with a nervous anxiety, my grandmother elated, my sister silent in disbelief and I can just tell she was thinking ‘’why do I have to share space now with these two freshies, or maybe she was just pondering on her single child status being taken away…maybe just maybe she was equally intrigued and filled with questions.

She was both in shock and in silence.

From 32 degrees plus to minus 0

This cannot be real.

the only thing is....this was real, a bit too real for my liking.

I didn’t have nuts but they were definitely frozen by now!

The Story continues...

This is just the beginning.

50 Shades Of Grey

To some people grey is just a dull colour, to some, they're actually living in the grey...
but how and why?

But love is...

Black is always black…its almost undeniable and so is white, very prominent. The thing about grey…if you look at it too long you’ll start to see traces of white and other days traces of black. 

Basically that is the confusion zone. Aka the side chick zone.
Eurgh I hate that word! Side chick!! It oozes so much disrespect. Why would anyone want to be that?! 

Anyway…

Most often we tell ourselves that love is black and white. Well at least that’s how it’s supposed to be. The white means you’re bae. 
Relationship on fleek! Whoohoo

The black means, well you might have worked that out. Sorry yeh

The grey however is the most often denied and ignored position. It is where you stand when you don’t know if you’re black or white, if the sun is going to shine or if the storm will win, if they’ll look for you or if they will never turn back. The grey area, where you don’t know if you’re coming or going. 

Here goes...

The grey area - where we stand and fight (shout out to all the soldiers) – But know when to let go and when to stay and fight. Are they giving you something to fight for? Are they giving you reasons to stay? Do they even want you to fight for them? This might just be a war with yourself!


The grey area – the home of unanswered questions – the chances are we know the answer to these questions but our delusional self won’t permit us to think right so we cultivate lies and deceit, wrap it with a ribbon and call it a bouquet. You’ll learn soon enough!


The grey are - where we see red and call it green.  Red as we all know means to stop or possibly danger. Stop being a damn fool. Stop deceiving yourself. Stop lowering your self-esteem. Stop taking jewels off your crown. Stop breaking your bones in pieces to fit in. stop giving everything to people who have no plans for you. Stop discounting your valuables. Stop making excuses for boneless spines. Stop being a grave yard to dead bones. Stop. Stop. Just stop!

They're Just Not That Into You...
Even a shorter dress doesn't do the magic...sorry yeh

The grey area - where we put flowers on an asshole (excuse my French) and call it a vase – Stop it. Even if you stuff the hole in an ass, they will still remain an ass. You know what they say, if it looks, walks and quack like a duck…


The grey area- where you build a castle, crown yourself the village idiot. Cooking and cleaning your way into oblivion. Showering their hearts with luxurious gifts. Praying and fasting steadily like the world is about to end. Even your loyalty is unmatched. Loyalty to a heart that doesn’t acknowledge your mere being. (This is serious)  Sorry … all that won’t make you ‘’The One’’. Have you tried that thing where we put one foot in front of the other and walk away, better still run? Maybe you should.


The grey area – where we believe their silence is them making up their minds and their no replies is them being too busy building their empire. All the while you’re forgetting that indecisiveness is an answer. Why must someone struggle to love you? Silence is an answer too. Take it and run. Find the exit and never look back! 


The grey area - where you think they’re giving you mixed signals – No love, no one is mixing anything. Chances are you’re the only one experiencing mixed signals. They have couple of your kinds and they are reaping the benefits steadily. Why buy the cow?! Free milk never felt so good huh?!


The grey area - where one person is catching feelings and building castles in the air and the other is sipping on earl grey like the boss that is Kermit! 


The grey area - where the baboon works its behind off and the monkey is sitting high and mighty, eating all the harvest. It really doesn’t have to be that way! When the feeling is mutual the effort would be equal.


The grey area – where one person is gloriously swimming in pride and ego thinking they’re too good and the other is shredding and losing self, one heart beat at a time. Dead soul is no good to no man, not even yourself. Stop it.


The grey area - where Sleepless nights, headache, frustration, anger and tears are the kings of the castle. They rule your heart and they have succeeded in driving happiness away. Bravo…I hope it’s worth it!


The grey area- where you’ve grasped onto the quote ‘’Patience is golden’’ and ‘’the patient dog eats the fattest bone’’ Patience in this case is not that golden and the only thing you’ll be eating is air, warm or cold you get to choose! 

  
The grey area - The lukewarm zone where you’re not even sure if your tea tastes nice because it’s actually a perfect cuppa or because you’re just thirsty and you’re not even sure if your sandwich is 3 days old or freshly made because the sense of being has left you…totally. You rolled from living to existing mode real quick!


The grey area- where you become the convenience corner store. When they need that quick fix at 2am or that feel good feeling, you’re there, holding on like a true champ! (Clap for yourself) All the while hoping and praying that one day you’ll graduate from a corner store to the main supermarket. That's not hope, that is a disaster!


The grey area- where you’ve successfully and forcefully convinced yourself that ignorance is bliss, that everything is black and white. The problem is you can’t see the grey because you’re sitting on it. Get up, have a look…ahhhh there’s the grey mass. Now buddy go fix yourself! 


The grey area is where they keep you when they’re weighing their options. The grey area is where you allow yourself to stay while someone decides if they want to take on all your awesomeness. You have no business in that corner, you have so much to give to the right person, why wait for someone to struggle to choose between you and someone else?! That my friend, is your cue to fly!


What you must know is that some people even if a good thing whack them across the face and call them daddy or mummy they still won’t recognise it. And that’s nothing to do with you. Be okay with that. You don’t have to win all your battles but be okay with the fact that you fought! 


Don’t try to squeeze your feet into shoe sizes that are too small. You know what you’ll end up with? A feet like mine, full of corns and calluses because I force my poor feet (Your heart) into ill fitted shoes ( that guy or lady)  just because they look nice (Your target)


Why would you fight so hard to prove your awesomeness to someone? Why have sleepless nights over someone who doesn’t even think about your existence? Think about it, if they can’t see your awesomeness then maybe they don’t deserve you in the first place. You can show someone something good but what you can’t do is force them to appreciate it. 

You haven't known pain till you've loved someone
who doesn't love you back!

If they’re not excited as I am to be in that relationship and doing the skelewu then it’s not happening. Why? Because sleepless nights and heart attack is not my portion nor am I trying to build a river with my tears. Above all I love myself better to know that people go hard for what they really care about and if they’re not going hard for me then maybe, just maybe I am not their cup of tea and I am okay with that.

Skelewu, azonto...the full works.
Unapologetic!

Mate…Move away from the grey area, nothing good grows on that piece of land. Don’t you feel lost? Is the confusion not too much for you? The maybes and what ifs, are they not killing you? 

The Grey Area - Looks pretty lonely to me...

Don’t allow someone to poison your meaning of love because when it hurts that bad, it kills your zeal to fully trust your heart to someone else again in the future. Your happiness matters, be kind to yourself. All that love you’re pouring into perforated hearts that don’t know how to love, massage some into yourself so when the right one comes along you will be able to love again.


Women as well as men play this game, so don't rest on your laurels, be watchful. See a friendship for what it is. Take your sanity very seriously, no one is worth that much. The moment you start questioning that’s when you should start getting your acts together. Love is not hard. People who do not know how to love makes love hard! 

There comes a time where one should grab a no and walk away with it…bruh everything doesn’t have to be something. Be at peace with that.

WASTING TIME IS A DANGEROUS GAME.

I dare you to live a purpose driven life!

Remember ...Love Is Black And White!

Till then

Xoxo