Love is Bigger Than Valentine's Day

21 ways to spend Valentine’s Day this year

After the joys and excitement of the New Year is the month of February. The ever so over commercialized day lies in there, the day where the married ones are overly expectant and the ones in relationship and waiting are even more excited than those who are legally-bonded. And then there is the single ones…wallowing in self-pity and thinking they’re not worthy of love.

…thanks to our generation, the pressures of this age is killing us slowly, destroying self-esteems and even something so pure and true as love.

Love...

It’s almost too chaotic and exhausting. Love is a beautiful thing and must be celebrated with no external pressures. If Valentine’s Day stresses you out in your relationship then you need to re-evaluate your love life.

Be so deeply rooted that Valentine’s Day can’t even unravel you.

The day is about love no doubt but there are different types of love. Because there are different types of love it means the day can be celebrated by everyone and in different ways.

Here’s my list of ways you can feel loved, and spread love and make the day count.

Just for the record, it is not obligatory to celebrate Valentine’s Day, don’t get lost in the sauce. You’re still dope, still special, still capable of loving and giving love in return.

Here goes…

1. Spend the day with people who have lost their loved ones. People who have suffered a great lost in recent months – give them hope that there is still enough love to go around.

 2. Be a morning person and catch the sunrise… be grateful for all the new opportunities you’re presented with and make sure to catch the sunset more importantly which is the promise of hope.

Catch The Sunset

3.   Go on a shopping spree, visit your favourite coffee shop or spot, eat your favourite food and spend an alone time with yourself. You’ll learn a thing or two about yourself.

4.   Spend the day with the homeless and less privileged. This will humble you and make you put things into perspective. You’ll then learn that there are more important things than the pressures of being single.

5.   Visit your grandparents. They are old and have limited time left so why not visit with their favourite drink and come bearing some pleasant tales of the past. All they need now is your time and love.

6.   Go to the cinema. Yes alone. Watch your favourite film and make sure to buy the largest popcorn and largest drink. Add a hot dog to that with extra mustard and don’t forget to get a good seat. Self-love.

7.   Do what you actually love, all the things you always wanted to do but never have time for. Sew that loose hem on your skirt. Cook your favourite meal. Write that poem and type up that article.

8.  Wake up early, dress immaculately and participate in 10 random acts of kindness. Make someone smile. Pay someone a compliment. Pay for someone’s coffee. Smile to strangers. Some need it more than you think.

9.  Stay home. Have a well-deserved lie in. Play your favourite songs at ignorant level. Binge on that TV series you recorded but never had the time for. Dance around in your pyjamas while you sip your favourite drink.

10.  Be a tourist in your country. Go to places you’ve never been before. Take photos of the memorable moments and enjoy the experience of experiencing something new.

Be A Tourist in your own City

 11.  Attend midweek service. Go to your local church and just thank God for your life and reflect on all the little mercies you’ve ignored while you were busy finding Mrs Right and Mr Valentine.

12. Go on a spa day and enjoy a good massage. Have a manicure and a pedicure. Sometimes life happens and you are left with little or no time for some self-loving. Don’t neglect your being. You live there after all.

Self Love is The Greatest Middle Finger of all Time!

13. Pick up that novel you’ve always wanted to read. You’ll be amazed at how     many pages you can get through when you are really enjoying a good read. These little things are good for the soul.

14. Go bowling. Go ice skating. Go swimming or hiking. Go to the zoo or the water park or amusement pack. Quad biking, horse-riding and go-karting. In short, go on an adventure and surprise yourself.

15.   Wake up in the morning and have a full blast of worship. Oh I love worshiping. Put your favourite gospel on and just worship lustily. Thank God for where you’re at and thank Him for where He is about to take you.

16.  Light the candles. Run the bath and have a long soak with a glass of wine in hand and your favourite music in the background. Lean back, close your eyes and let your mind drift to a place of bliss and light and love.

Have a Soak...

17.  Pay a visit to the hospital…the kids ward. Take a gift with you, a stuffed toy or something that will make them laugh or put a smile on their little precious faces. They need love more than you think.

18.  That dress you saved for Mr Valentine, put it on and grace the dance floor…live a little. That bottle of champagne you saved for Mrs Right, pop it open and enjoy while you watch your favourite sport…life is now.

19.  You’ve been in the gym all year trying to get that six pack for that chick and you a beach bum for the right man. But the day is here and they are not here…munch on your favourite fatty food while you’re at it understand that the right person will love you just the way you are.

Go On Life Adventures!
Live!

20.   Disconnect from social media and reconnect with yourself. Reflect and evaluate your life. Understand that you’re whole all by yourself and you’re exactly where you need to be.

21.   Say a prayer. Make sure you are praying just as much as you are wishing for it. Make God service your delight and make Him your foundation. Understand that in the absence of Valentine’s Day you are still you. God’s love is unwavering and ever present.

  

Jeremiah 29:11

Don’t be troubled by the pressures of this world. Be unshaken by societal pressures. Love is love and there are different types of love.

crave and yearn for that John 3.16 love...the kind that gives hope and is unconditional. The one that is not fickle and is built on a rock solid foundation. the love that falters not and will stand through the test of time. That God kind of Love.

You might be single…so what? You’re still a dope human. Don’t be reeled by people’s relationships…you don’t know what goes on behind closed doors. You have no idea what their relationships are built on. 

Social media can get you all confused and envious or people’s lives. It can cause you to lose focus and send you into a destructive zone.

Don’t be that person. 

Take it all with a pinch of salt and understand that social media is nothing more than the best episodes of our lives….the not so happy ones you’ll never see.

So why be envious of an illusion?!

Be content and happy. Trust the timing of your life and enjoy the process.

I was looking for a sign once because I am a professional thinker and no one criticizes me more than myself...and I am always looking for answers. This writing on the wall appealed to me. And i knew i had to trust God more and learn to not overthink joy out of this beautiful life.

Trust The Process

I am exactly where I need to be. That was all I needed to know. We all need assurance from time to time. We all fail. We all have flaws. We all have bloopers.

In a relationship or not, don't neglect the duty of loving yourself and don't bow to societal pressures.

My point is, be encouraged and trust God, trust yourself more, trust your journey and trust your destiny. What’s for you will never pass you by and you will be who you were meant to be.

Your purpose on this earth might not be as you have rehearsed it in your head – meet prince charming or Mrs Right, fall in love and get married and have beautiful kids.

We all cannot have the same paths.

Not all of us will meet the love of our lives…some of us our purpose is way greater. Embrace it.

Love is bigger…way bigger than Valentine’s Day!

Till then

Xoxo

Dating My Generation

I would like you to have a cup of patience and a plate of sighs to go with your anti-pissed off tablet today. 

Why you might wonder, because what I’m about to say will probably hit a nerve, so get prepared.

My mother is always on my case telling me how picky I am and my dad is always asking after my bloke, as he calls it. What they don’t get is how disturbed our generation is when it comes to dating.

Maybe it’s just me or maybe I am just stuck in an unknown era but dating my generation is a conquest on its own.

I mean, life is hard already. Dating shouldn’t be a pain.

We Have Forgotten The Simple Things

First of all, we all think we’re the best thing since sliced bread. And don’t get me wrong I am all for self-love and knowing thy worth.

But my oh my… my generation takes the boat out to sea!

When someone shows interest in us we start rolling out the calendar. We start acting like a fool, stringing them along to see how long the person will keep pursuing our interest and consequently be the fool for us.

Well here’s the thing about playing hard to get, you need to know when to stop, but my generation ….ahhh we have no stop sign.

In dating my generation get ready for the competition of a lifetime. Everything is a competition and I mean EVERYTHANG.

Who’s going text or call first? Who’s going to make the first move and how many hours apart must the texts be. Everything is so carefully calculated.

If you take 5 minutes to reply to my messages best believe we’ll times that by 5 before we send a response.

Our greatest struggle is the fight in our heads.

“Should I text them first? Or should I wait for them to text me?” “How long should I wait to text them back?” “He took an hour to answer my text, how long should I wait now?”

The struggle is real.

To Text Or Not To Text

Oh let me use all the fibre in my being to ignore this message even though I want to respond so bad, I don’t want to look desperate, so let me wait till 6 hours later because they took 5 hours to get back to me after my last text.

Yea I don’t have a life…my existence is for you and you alone.

It could all be so simple but we’ve managed to riddle the dating scene with manipulative mind games and succeeded in making it complicated.

Well done!

In my generation, we have the Instagram-o-meter and the Facebook-o-meter by which love is measured.

No matter how much you love me if you do not validate us by posting a pic of us on all the social networks then I’m sorry, we’re not a couple.

No show of my picture on your Instagram and Facebook? Then we are not in love, sorry love.

It's Not Valid Till It's Online

What will people think? Oh no, people are going to think we are not a couple. Or maybe there is someone else.

What about the fact that I may not want all that attention into what we share?!

No matter how authentic what we have going on is, we are not official until you Facebook, Twitter and Instagram it. In my generation the only validation you need is the likes!

Yaay...let do it for the likes!

The ultimate validation lies in the approval of strangers in the form of 40 comments and 100 likes.

Oh the crazy mental sad horror!

Do Not Believe The Hype On Social Media

And you better remember to change that relationship status on Facebook because the relationship will end even before it started.

We are a very exhausting generation.

Dates have become auditions and job interviews. We go to a date and act like the other is doing us a huge favour. My friend, am not here to get a mortgage or get a job. Let’s get it together.

 

A Date Or An Audition?

Ok that’s not all, we won’t ask you out like a normal human being, we will resort to that Neanderthal lifestyle and chirp like birds and wolf whistle the life out of you in the streets. Blow car horns and scare the hell out of you, they will hunt you down with plethora of slangs and derogatory names and you have to look away and ignore like nothing happened.

That Neanderthal Lifestyle

We seem to have foul-mouthed and rudeness on a lock down!

You’re not allowed to say no to an interested party. They will cuss the daylight out of you. Yes we are a manner less generation with potty mouth and filthy antics.

Trust is a myth and so is loyalty and commitment. Ain’t nobody got time for that. We will replace you so fast, you’ll doubt your existence. We will tell you there are many fishes in the sea and we will sing Beyoncé’s irreplaceable for you because we are always irreplaceable but you are not.

We will update our Facebook status so fast and with the speed of light we'll upload an apt quote on Instagram for you. Yep we know how to air our dirty lining in the public!

Don’t play with us. We do this!

My generation is the most confuxed generation. You know that unique state of being both confused and fucked up at the same time …yea that.

We are promiscuous, disrespectful, foul-mouthed and self-centred – backed with a lot of ego to feed a village.

The Disrespect And Disregard Is Real

We are an emoji- obsessed generation. Deciphering every Emoji used in a text message will leave you utterly misplaced and confused, yea we have abandoned the simple ways.

Why do we insist on making life so hard?! 

It doesn’t end there, we will bombard you with WYD, HRU, and GM wrapped in excessive LOLs and lmaoo. You will think it’s a typo but no, please understand that this is us trying to show emotions. This is my generation telling you they care about you.

How A Simple Message Can Be Lost

A phone call would have been so much easier but unfortunately we've made phone calls a dying art.

My generation. We are just a special breed.

Our most creative idea of a date is on the couch with the most recent upload on Netflix with a bottle of Blossom Hill. If you’re lucky we’ll throw in popcorn as starters and ice cream as dessert. Yep, sorted.

CheapSkates OR Nah?!

Are we just cheapskates or we’re just a lazy-can’t-be-bothered-generation?

To ease the responsibility of dating, we have managed to coin so many uncanny terms for our Significant other. The friend zone – when we feel like you’re nothing but a mate, we have the cuffing season where we claim it’s too cold to be alone so we cop ourselves another human to shield the winter. Friends with benefits, this is where we believe you’re nothing but a generous friend who offers benefits like casual sex and casual hanging out – no emotions attached.

How convenient!

Friends With Benefits - Effortless Dating

We are an emotionless generation. We even break up through a text and we don’t care about your tears or broken heart or quivering voice or the tubs of ice-creams you may have squandered.

Yea…welcome to my robotic generation.

Another thing is choices. Our choices are killing us. We have no time to put in the effort in anything, even if it’s worth doing. Why would I spend time trying to make something work when I can get another in a matter of minutes?

How luxurious!

Effortless Generation...Why Bother?!

We do everything but date. We chill. We kick it. We hangout. We hook up. We specialises in one nighters. But if it requires effort, count us out. We are not about that life.

A label free generation, that’s what we are.

YOLO!

We accept so little and settling for mediocrity is the order of my generation.

Romance is measured in a trivia thing as a good morning text and changing my government name to bae. 

When did we learn to satisfy and be comfortable with so little?!

We Need Education...Please Help!

No good morning text. Oh no they’ve found someone else. Someone’s taken my place. He doesn’t love me anymore, she’s cheating on me.

That’s not love, that is attachment!

A generation of extreme paranoia! That’s what we are.

With my generation, all the chance you get is one night. One night to show who you are. One night to give it all up. One night to show you have masters in being a super girlfriend and a degree in being the doting boyfriend. Bring your A game Or else you’re a write-off.  No second chances.

Result of endless choices.

We are a smash-and-pass generation. We have carefully changed the dating game to a game of smash and pass.

Social networks like Tinder, Facebook and Instagram has just managed to legalise hook-ups. I see your picture and the next hour we’re meeting up for a drink or more.

Easy peasy…

My mother’s generation would slowly and carefully take time to create something meaningful and solid but my generation, we microwave everything. From our food right down to our relationships. We are a readymade-obsessed generation.

Our Parents Mend & Fix.

We Trash & Burn

Yea as if it’s not bad enough, Tinder, match.com and the likes just made the game more heated.

And we love it!

When things go sour, our father’s generation would try to sweeten it again. When the stitches are getting lose on the relationship, they will mend it together.

We do not have time for that. Ride what wave? Die for what? Mend what relationship? If it ends, so be it…On to the next. And we will tell you that we replace, we do not chase.

Are you convinced that we are special yet?

Imperfections are not tolerated. You have no room to have a crooked eyebrow or a bit of love handle, nor are you allowed to be human or living with your parents. You must be perfect and on fleek at all times.

We woke up like this.

We make a conscious effort to play it cool and pretend we have no blood running through our veins. We go out of our way to work against all what comes natural to us. Like loving, caring and giving a damn about someone.

We are ridiculously foolish.

How i see it, we are nothing but a scared and scarred generation. Scared of the unknown and scarred by past experiences. So we've built walls and cemented it with a careless and ruthless approach to love and relationship.

In Protecting Our Hearts, We Hurt Others

But…

Love is still love. From the days of our parents’ parents to this very moment, the definition of love haven’t changed but however the generation’s changed. And as time changes, love that is so pure and true have been tainted with ego, pride, laziness and promiscuity.

The power to love have been overcome by the need to be cool and be seemingly uninterested.

We are scared to be vulnerable, scared to show emotions and be open, afraid to be human therefore we succumbed to the robotic lifestyle.

Yep can’t touch this!

We are cowards. Cowards who do not have the guts and what it takes to risk loving another wholeheartedly, without doubts and judgement, without fear and pride.

Today I challenge you.

To lay it all on the table and tell that person how you feel, unleash the emotions that you have been holding in for so long. Forget what you learnt. Stop fighting it. Forget what the world have taught you and just love someone. Love someone with every fibre of your being then and only then you’ll know what love really is. 

Whatever we give into the world, we get back….in thousand folds.

so give love…

If you find an old soul that loves like its 1999….hold on to them.

Let's Bring It Back

Let’s bring it back, let’s bring loving back like its 1999…

Till then

Xoxo

Let’s Do It For The Gram...

Hold on a sec, I am just going to push up this left boob a bit more , yes that’s it, and this right one a bit to the centre, that’s it. This is guaranteed a smooth 101 likes and maybe a few compliments on the comment box.

Bingo!

Aite aite …these chicks love muscles and a bit of beard, let me take this vest off and take a selfie real quick. Yea that’s it, and another nice angle of the packs...yup. This should send a little chaos towards my inbox.

When guys Show off!! 
I see you!

I smell chaos, I see an attention seeker, and I can sense loneliness. I hear a desperate scream for validation, I prescribe a reality check.

Grown women. Grown men. Underage kids. No one is exempted from this ‘’let’s do it for the gram syndrome’’

Our generation is breaking and so is my heart.

The thirst for likes, the hunger for compliments and the ever-growing craving for shares is taking over. But really brethren it’s not that serious.

We are humans who love a free show, discounted stuff, better still free stuff. And you’re there offering on a platter of course we’re going to go crazy. I myself have been known to love a bargain and a buffet…yea I’m shameless but can you blame me though?!

You’re all cleavage-up, in your thong, naked washboard of twelve packs on display… They will like the hell out of your pictures and make you think you’re the best thing since slice bread, they will share till the share button declines their shares, they will give you compliments that will make you feel like you can walk on water but if you can’t swim like me, don’t try it!

But that’s why you posted that naked pic though isn’t? that’s why you posted that pic of you in your sitting room in a bikini, (are you okay girl) the same reason why you posted that pic of your boobs and all the while claiming you’ve got a new hair style, yea I see you. The same reason why you strategically posed so your ass can look fuller and more enticing…all for the gram, the likes and the shares.

Anything For The Likes huh?

You claim you’re getting it in the gym but all I can see is you flexing those muscles and squinting the living daylight out of your eyes…brother can you see though? You’re there struggling to grow that beard too, can I just state that not all girls love beards because this latest obsession with beards is spiralling out of control and we need to make it stop. Beard doesn’t make you automatically attractive neither does the muscles but anything that floats your boat buddy.

101 smooth likes, couple of overly sugar-coated compliments and 50 shares... mission accomplished. But how are these contributing to your life? What purpose do they serve because whatever it is, let me just tell you that it Is going to be temporary and unless you’re a model or getting paid to some extent ( I wouldn’t want to judge your hustle you see) then you have no business posting such provocative and suggestive pictures.

Has it ever occurred to you that some of these compliments are full of lies and these likes have nothing to do with you being beautiful or handsome, it has to do with how your picture made me feel, that very moment in time? If it’s a nude pic, they will like it and if there is a love button they will love it. It’ll be very damaging for you to think that all those likes, over shares and compliments are because you’re actually handsome or beautiful.

What happens when you’re fully clothed and you post that pic of you in your church attire? You get few likes, no compliments and no shares. Are you going to drop dead? Or will you run to the stores and purchase the latest push up bra or run to the ever faithful mirror and strip to show off that twelve pack?

The do it for the gram syndrome is ruining lives!

Banksy captured my thoughts in this art!

Don’t get me wrong now, I love my shorts and all things short, so you’ll always catch me in such attires but there’s is suggestive and provocative and then there is you just doing your calm and innocent thing. Trust me, there is a difference.

You’re on the beach or on holiday, of course I would expect to see you in your bikini and shorts and sexy sundress. I would expect to see you in all your glorious and fabulous self, but when I start seeing you in your bedroom with little or nothing on, then I start questioning your sanity.

Leave something for the imagination. Did mama not teach you that?!

None of that it’s my life and I can do what I want BS….nope! It is your life no doubt but you have to take complete responsibility for your actions. Your actions affect and influence more people than you think… I can hear you saying (I’m living my life for no one) agreed but to every right there is a responsibility and your responsible for a lot more than you think.

You are a responsible for your image and reputation and whether you like it or not, that is something you have to protect. That is your brand. That is who you are. Few years down the line you’ll be glad you did.

Let This Be Your Motto For Social Media

You’re a teacher, whether you agree or not. You do not have to be on the pulpit or in the classroom, old and young will look at you and change their lives, they will make life changing decisions and all the while you don’t even have a clue. You influence people daily, good or bad that is up to you.  They might not always tell you but more people look up to you than you think. Is nudity the message you want to be sending across?

You’re responsible for you. How do you feel after all the likes and compliments you so desperately desire? How do you sleep at night? Do they keep you warm? The likes, are they sending money straight into your bank account. That feel good feeling, how long does it last for? Ask yourself honestly, is it worth it? Is that beard keeping you warm?

I am not being preachy here but you’re being very mean to yourself. You’re making yourself vulnerable and open to the crazy paedophiles and sex-crazed humans of this world. Sometimes we create our own storms and complain when we get wet. Don’t be that person.

You guys flaunt money and six packs and then complain when you attract the wrong people in your life. You’re always closing circles, deleting friends and glorifying haters (really anytime you complain about haters you’re glorifying them) but what you really should be doing is taking care of self. That’s number one, that is bae and that is home. When the house (your being) is in order, where does the wrong people seat?! No chance mate!

Where lies your self-respect, self-esteem and self-love. I mean, don’t you love yourself? Why are you so violent towards your being? Why are you so cruel and evil to yourself? Who hurt you when you were young?!

You’re out there showing your goodies to people who don’t give two rats about you. They don’t even know you and you’re throwing a party for them. Free entry, food and drink (your body). Girl you’re worth more. Boy get it together.

This Sums Everything Up!

You’re a representation of every woman and man on this earth and if you’re selling cheap (yup men can be deemed cheap too) where does that leave the rest of us? How can we even begin to give value to the market again? In order for us to win the fight, we need to fight as a team. We need to be on the same boat and send the same message across.

Love yourself enough to know that every good thing comes from within. You are not a drop in the ocean, you are the ocean! If only you knew! You have all the love in you and God has given you all the validation you need. Man is fickle and temporary.

Work on yourself. Read books, spend time alone without feeling lonely, and be happy about little things. Don’t compare yourself to no one. And remember beauty lies within. Go to the gym if it makes you feel better, run, jog, and eat healthy (or whatever the heck you want if you’re anything like me). Take 100 selfies, and admire yourself. Find your best features and accentuate them with your favourite makeup, write down one thing you love about yourself every day, it could be your personality, or the way you talk passionately about things you love.

Find a Hobby and Work Passionately at it!

Fill that void in you with the things you love. Find a hobby, do things that you love. Listen to music, watch your favourite movies 50 times over, cook and cleaning can be an awesome therapy too. Learn something new, it could be baking or playing an instrument. A new language. Or a new craft. Understand that you are whole without the likes and someone else’s validation.

After all this, you can boast of it on social media and the likes you get wouldn’t matter because you’ve already gained that inner satisfaction that no man can take that away from you. The likes and compliments are just a bonus. You start to notice that you’re not dependent on them anymore, you realise you don’t need them but a few compliments here and there wouldn’t hurt no one.

Signed & Sealed  - God Did That!

God is love and He has enough to shower you till your cup runneth over. God signed and sealed the deal with you since you were in your mother’s tummy, what else do you need?! concentrate on things that matter and create the best version of yourself.

Confession:

I used to gram for the likes and the followers till I did my 100 happy days of Happiness. This was however not out of low self-esteem, this was me following trends of having lots of followers and subconsciously joining in the charade for likes. Unnecessary competition that I don’t even need to be part of. 100 happy days challenge kind of put things into perspective for me. That really taught me something. I highly recommend it. Maybe you should try it.

Whenever you feel like joining the bandwagon, remember and Understand that social media is a monster, it’ll build you up and have you for breakfast.  

Now let that resonate!

Till then

Xoxo