Defining success….on your own terms

Create Your Own Wave

Relax

You’re doing fine. You’re doing great and you’re going to be alright.

Its baby steps till you get to where you’re meant to be. It’s one day at a time till you achieve that which you set out to achieve.

The definition of success have been shoved and pushed down our throats to the point that we think success has a universal face. No it doesn’t.

We’ve sized up success to be this one size fits all garment. Wear. Just wear, it will suit you. Perfectly. Take the universal umbrella and run with it!

Save your strength and stop!

Are you going to allow society to define success for you?

Are you going to be blinded by society’s standards of success?

Are you going to be burdened and amputated by the expectations of society?

Are you going to be lowered, reduced and dragged around by the success you see and read about daily?

Depressed and worried that you’re not doing enough. Sick and tired of the pace at which you’re progressing. Beating yourself up daily because you fail to measure up to the universal gauge of success.

So we live in fear and depression of not measuring up to what society deems as success.

It could all be so easy but we as humans are always looking for a map, some sort of guidelines, life manual or a list. Stop killing yourself slowly. Were you born with instructions?

Free your potential.

You must first understand and identify what is success to you. If you don’t know then you’ll be easily pushed around by the expectations of everyone else.

Walk in your own lane. Pave your own path at your own pace. Be prayerful and commit every move into God’s hands. Be proud of your littlest accomplishments. Celebrate every little achievement. Recognise your strength. Work on your shortcomings. Do not champion your weaknesses. Acknowledge your efforts and when you fail do not stop. Take a rest and try again.

Never push yourself to exhaustion. Amidst all your hard work, make sure you protect your happy.

Mama has spoken...Major Key!

If you gain the world and it can’t even put a smile on your face then you my friend is not succeeding.

If by any chance the only mountain you were able to move was you getting out of bed, so be it. Some days everything will go wrong, that doesn’t mean you’re a failure. Understand that you cannot give more than what is in you so always protect your well-being. And at the end after you’ve given your 100 and that extra 10%, sleep with satisfaction for you have done your best and remember your best is always good enough.

You fail at a task so what? Pick yourself up and try again. Most successes today were built on roadblocks of failures. Today they have a story, a story that inspires.

I encourage you to build yours….even if it’s one that everyone laughs at today at least it’s your story.

Don’t be distracted by the next man’s success. Don’t be jealous. You do not know how much they’ve prayed. My friend once tweeted that prayer is free…and indeed it is. So stay prayed up.

Avoid comparison for it is the greatest thief of time. Avoid looking back. Understand that you are in a competition with no one but the person you were yesterday.

Don’t allow anyone to scare you. Don’t allow fear to inhibit your potential. You have everything you need to succeed in you. Remember the grace of God will never take you where the grace of God cannot protect you.

Focus!

How Many People Have You Helped?

There is no universal definition for success and success does not have a face, tone or shape. Success does not come in this glamorous package either. Success is not one size fits all.

Success is more an internal affair than external. You find it within first.

Personally money and wealth makes a fine pillow and offers a comfortable ride in this thing called life but they don’t count as success for me.

I know a lot of wealthy people who are not successful at life. Funny right? Well its possible and its sad so don’t let that be you.

Do you want to know what success is to me?

Here we go…

Success in my life is good health, happiness and love of family. Success is me able to hear the voice of my grandmother and loved ones. Success in my life is being able to do the little but significant things for myself. Success is being able to see the sunrise, watch the sunset and being able to hear the pitter patter of the rain drops. Success is being able to hear my niece and nephews saying I love you Aunt Doris. Success is coming home to peace and quiet and the smell of my dinner from last night. Success is me coiled up on my sofa with my laptop on my lap and television on my favorite channel. Success is me lying on my bed listening to my favorite songs. Success is me having the strength to praise God, my maker. Success is me being able to inspire you by my ordinary, mundane and rather boring life.

For me it is my truth, it is raw and unedited and it is genuine. It requires no approval and I do not need to paint it to make it look like yours. I don’t need to deceive you into thinking my life is perfect and I succeed in all my endeavors.

I fail sometimes. I cry too and I have bad days ever so often. Just like everyone else.

Whether you choose to interpret my idea of success as ordinary, boring or exciting and crazy that is entirely up to you and I respect it.

You know why?

Because your definition of success does not have to be packaged the same way mine is and that my friend is the beauty of success.

Not all of us were born to conquer the world and make significant difference in a big, loud and massive way. Some of us were put on this earth to make the most significant difference in the most subtle manner.

You can succeed in farming, you can also be a success in politics, you can succeed in construction and you can be a success in teaching. You can be a success in mothering.

Whatever success is to you, embrace it unapologetically and be that!

You have your definition of success. Stick to it and work on it.

No one can tell you what success is to you but you. Unless they know what your capabilities, needs, weaknesses and strength are, then they can’t tell you nothing. Stay away from they and idle chatter and construct your own path towards success.

Define success on your own terms and package it the way you want to. Wrap it up how you’d like to see it and appreciate it for what it is.

It is your journey and it is your life. Ride it like its golden.

Remember a major part of being a success is maintaining your happy.

Till then

Xoxo

Single And Building My Empire

“Single and building my empire” but who turned you into a builder?

Are We Really Building An Empire?!

What if I tell you that you can do both?

Why all the decorations?

All the trimmings and the confetti?

Why all the background noise and the tambourine?

It’s all a bit too noisy up in here …don’t you think?

So much that you’re getting lost in all the charade.

Most importantly, are you happy?

You’re sad because you’re single and I can’t possibly think of anything sadder than that kind of sad.

You’re single and you’re sad because you think no one wants you. You’re scared that you’re going to grow old alone and you fear loneliness.

You want to keep up appearances like Ali, sally and Nelly.

You want to prove that you can pull that guy too. Or you can get the girl just like the next man. Sounds exhausting.

You are sad and you’re withering away in this tedious fight to prove that you’re high in demand. If you fight so hard to prove that you’re the business, are you really the business?!

Each night you fight this fight of belonging, the fight to keep up appearance as you cry yourself to sleep.

You’re treating life like a race. It was never one to begin with, slow down!

You’re at a stage when you haven’t met that special someone and you think time is running out so you destroy your happy…one sad thought at a time.

God's Best Is Your Best

You have successfully embedded the thoughts in your head that the only way to your happy is through someone else.

You haven’t learnt how to appreciate your alone time so you’re sad that you’re single. You hug your pillow and wet it with tears of wanting and belonging, just because you’re single.

You’re struggling with this phase and the world need not know. So you mask it with all the trimmings and special effects and life’s most deceiving filters. The truth about those filters and trimming is that they’re like the Cinderella story, come midnight its back to reality as you lay on your bed, in the dark, feeling sorry for yourself for no reason as you cry yourself to sleep.

Each passing day leaves you bitter, unfulfilled and sad. So sad that it’s almost hard to convince the world that you’re still building that empire.

Sad is no place to be…not at any time in your life because when you’re not looking It eats you up real fast.

Sadness eats you up real fast

See those filters are not loyal. Those trimmings are not loyal either…so do yourself a favour and make you your first commitment.

You are your first commitment…don’t play yourself. And don’t ever forget that.

Hold on…are we still building that empire?

Stop.

What empire are you building?

An empire of self-pity, sadness and tears?!

You aren’t building no empire.

Or if you were….

I am here to ask you to stop building that empire. Just stop.

What is your story? Who made you a builder? Who taught you that you have to keep busy to decorate your singleness? Who taught you that it’s wrong to be your own person?

Put down the shovel and hoe. Take a rest child. Put down your tools and embrace your singleness.

You are whole all by yourself and darling…being in a relationship doesn’t scream wholeness. Trust me on this one.

I know you aren’t building no empire. You’re trying to tell the world you’re too busy for love when deep down inwardly you crave for a love so deep. 

You are desperate to find that one true love and your patience is running out. But while you wait you think it’s convenient to tell the wold that you’re building that empire.

Please abort this operation stay busy of building an empire. From what I can see, it is easier to decorate our pains than to face them.

There’s is no shame in being single. It is perfectly OK to be single. It is not a taboo to be single at any age and it is certainly not an offence to be single.

There is more to life than being in the couples club. You’re single and that’s OK. Being in a relationship doesn’t make you whole.

Our generation have skilfully managed to make being single look formidable. We’ve craftily turned singleness into a taboo… but you are in charge and whatever you believe and allow is what will happen to you.

Don’t be dragged into the trend of this generation. I say it again, being single is normal and it is okay.

You’re allowed to be single without making any excuses for your singleness.

Learn to bask in your ALONE time

If single is what you are now, have no shame in your state of being. There is nothing wrong with you and you are under no obligation to decorate your singledom.

You’re single. Period. Believe that it a complete statement that requires no validation. It is a complete sentence that makes perfect sense, no need for the decorative excuses and add-ons.

Don’t try too hard to fit in that you start looking like the jester. Don’t try too hard to fit in the box that you come out damaged and confused. Be your own version of you.

Who knows who you will inspire…by just being you?

Don’t miss out on all the fun trying to be a good look. The people you’re putting a show for do they really care about you? Have you checked that they are checking for you?

You might just be alone in this fight…you might just be both the audience and the entertainer.

Embrace your state of being and at the right time, you’ll meet that special someone. Be comfortable in that phase of life that you are now. There is a time for everything under the sun.

Never ever lose sight of hope because what keeps us going is not even the love you crave for so desperately or the air you breath, what keeps the engines oiled is HOPE!

Tell people bold and loud… (Only if you want to)

You’re single.

No add-ons. No trimmings. No decorations.

…a partner should only enhance your being.

Be whole.  Stay whole

GOD IS LOVE

Till then

Xoxo

Let’s Do It For The Gram...

Hold on a sec, I am just going to push up this left boob a bit more , yes that’s it, and this right one a bit to the centre, that’s it. This is guaranteed a smooth 101 likes and maybe a few compliments on the comment box.

Bingo!

Aite aite …these chicks love muscles and a bit of beard, let me take this vest off and take a selfie real quick. Yea that’s it, and another nice angle of the packs...yup. This should send a little chaos towards my inbox.

When guys Show off!! 
I see you!

I smell chaos, I see an attention seeker, and I can sense loneliness. I hear a desperate scream for validation, I prescribe a reality check.

Grown women. Grown men. Underage kids. No one is exempted from this ‘’let’s do it for the gram syndrome’’

Our generation is breaking and so is my heart.

The thirst for likes, the hunger for compliments and the ever-growing craving for shares is taking over. But really brethren it’s not that serious.

We are humans who love a free show, discounted stuff, better still free stuff. And you’re there offering on a platter of course we’re going to go crazy. I myself have been known to love a bargain and a buffet…yea I’m shameless but can you blame me though?!

You’re all cleavage-up, in your thong, naked washboard of twelve packs on display… They will like the hell out of your pictures and make you think you’re the best thing since slice bread, they will share till the share button declines their shares, they will give you compliments that will make you feel like you can walk on water but if you can’t swim like me, don’t try it!

But that’s why you posted that naked pic though isn’t? that’s why you posted that pic of you in your sitting room in a bikini, (are you okay girl) the same reason why you posted that pic of your boobs and all the while claiming you’ve got a new hair style, yea I see you. The same reason why you strategically posed so your ass can look fuller and more enticing…all for the gram, the likes and the shares.

Anything For The Likes huh?

You claim you’re getting it in the gym but all I can see is you flexing those muscles and squinting the living daylight out of your eyes…brother can you see though? You’re there struggling to grow that beard too, can I just state that not all girls love beards because this latest obsession with beards is spiralling out of control and we need to make it stop. Beard doesn’t make you automatically attractive neither does the muscles but anything that floats your boat buddy.

101 smooth likes, couple of overly sugar-coated compliments and 50 shares... mission accomplished. But how are these contributing to your life? What purpose do they serve because whatever it is, let me just tell you that it Is going to be temporary and unless you’re a model or getting paid to some extent ( I wouldn’t want to judge your hustle you see) then you have no business posting such provocative and suggestive pictures.

Has it ever occurred to you that some of these compliments are full of lies and these likes have nothing to do with you being beautiful or handsome, it has to do with how your picture made me feel, that very moment in time? If it’s a nude pic, they will like it and if there is a love button they will love it. It’ll be very damaging for you to think that all those likes, over shares and compliments are because you’re actually handsome or beautiful.

What happens when you’re fully clothed and you post that pic of you in your church attire? You get few likes, no compliments and no shares. Are you going to drop dead? Or will you run to the stores and purchase the latest push up bra or run to the ever faithful mirror and strip to show off that twelve pack?

The do it for the gram syndrome is ruining lives!

Banksy captured my thoughts in this art!

Don’t get me wrong now, I love my shorts and all things short, so you’ll always catch me in such attires but there’s is suggestive and provocative and then there is you just doing your calm and innocent thing. Trust me, there is a difference.

You’re on the beach or on holiday, of course I would expect to see you in your bikini and shorts and sexy sundress. I would expect to see you in all your glorious and fabulous self, but when I start seeing you in your bedroom with little or nothing on, then I start questioning your sanity.

Leave something for the imagination. Did mama not teach you that?!

None of that it’s my life and I can do what I want BS….nope! It is your life no doubt but you have to take complete responsibility for your actions. Your actions affect and influence more people than you think… I can hear you saying (I’m living my life for no one) agreed but to every right there is a responsibility and your responsible for a lot more than you think.

You are a responsible for your image and reputation and whether you like it or not, that is something you have to protect. That is your brand. That is who you are. Few years down the line you’ll be glad you did.

Let This Be Your Motto For Social Media

You’re a teacher, whether you agree or not. You do not have to be on the pulpit or in the classroom, old and young will look at you and change their lives, they will make life changing decisions and all the while you don’t even have a clue. You influence people daily, good or bad that is up to you.  They might not always tell you but more people look up to you than you think. Is nudity the message you want to be sending across?

You’re responsible for you. How do you feel after all the likes and compliments you so desperately desire? How do you sleep at night? Do they keep you warm? The likes, are they sending money straight into your bank account. That feel good feeling, how long does it last for? Ask yourself honestly, is it worth it? Is that beard keeping you warm?

I am not being preachy here but you’re being very mean to yourself. You’re making yourself vulnerable and open to the crazy paedophiles and sex-crazed humans of this world. Sometimes we create our own storms and complain when we get wet. Don’t be that person.

You guys flaunt money and six packs and then complain when you attract the wrong people in your life. You’re always closing circles, deleting friends and glorifying haters (really anytime you complain about haters you’re glorifying them) but what you really should be doing is taking care of self. That’s number one, that is bae and that is home. When the house (your being) is in order, where does the wrong people seat?! No chance mate!

Where lies your self-respect, self-esteem and self-love. I mean, don’t you love yourself? Why are you so violent towards your being? Why are you so cruel and evil to yourself? Who hurt you when you were young?!

You’re out there showing your goodies to people who don’t give two rats about you. They don’t even know you and you’re throwing a party for them. Free entry, food and drink (your body). Girl you’re worth more. Boy get it together.

This Sums Everything Up!

You’re a representation of every woman and man on this earth and if you’re selling cheap (yup men can be deemed cheap too) where does that leave the rest of us? How can we even begin to give value to the market again? In order for us to win the fight, we need to fight as a team. We need to be on the same boat and send the same message across.

Love yourself enough to know that every good thing comes from within. You are not a drop in the ocean, you are the ocean! If only you knew! You have all the love in you and God has given you all the validation you need. Man is fickle and temporary.

Work on yourself. Read books, spend time alone without feeling lonely, and be happy about little things. Don’t compare yourself to no one. And remember beauty lies within. Go to the gym if it makes you feel better, run, jog, and eat healthy (or whatever the heck you want if you’re anything like me). Take 100 selfies, and admire yourself. Find your best features and accentuate them with your favourite makeup, write down one thing you love about yourself every day, it could be your personality, or the way you talk passionately about things you love.

Find a Hobby and Work Passionately at it!

Fill that void in you with the things you love. Find a hobby, do things that you love. Listen to music, watch your favourite movies 50 times over, cook and cleaning can be an awesome therapy too. Learn something new, it could be baking or playing an instrument. A new language. Or a new craft. Understand that you are whole without the likes and someone else’s validation.

After all this, you can boast of it on social media and the likes you get wouldn’t matter because you’ve already gained that inner satisfaction that no man can take that away from you. The likes and compliments are just a bonus. You start to notice that you’re not dependent on them anymore, you realise you don’t need them but a few compliments here and there wouldn’t hurt no one.

Signed & Sealed  - God Did That!

God is love and He has enough to shower you till your cup runneth over. God signed and sealed the deal with you since you were in your mother’s tummy, what else do you need?! concentrate on things that matter and create the best version of yourself.

Confession:

I used to gram for the likes and the followers till I did my 100 happy days of Happiness. This was however not out of low self-esteem, this was me following trends of having lots of followers and subconsciously joining in the charade for likes. Unnecessary competition that I don’t even need to be part of. 100 happy days challenge kind of put things into perspective for me. That really taught me something. I highly recommend it. Maybe you should try it.

Whenever you feel like joining the bandwagon, remember and Understand that social media is a monster, it’ll build you up and have you for breakfast.  

Now let that resonate!

Till then

Xoxo

50 Shades Of Grey

To some people grey is just a dull colour, to some, they're actually living in the grey...
but how and why?

But love is...

Black is always black…its almost undeniable and so is white, very prominent. The thing about grey…if you look at it too long you’ll start to see traces of white and other days traces of black. 

Basically that is the confusion zone. Aka the side chick zone.
Eurgh I hate that word! Side chick!! It oozes so much disrespect. Why would anyone want to be that?! 

Anyway…

Most often we tell ourselves that love is black and white. Well at least that’s how it’s supposed to be. The white means you’re bae. 
Relationship on fleek! Whoohoo

The black means, well you might have worked that out. Sorry yeh

The grey however is the most often denied and ignored position. It is where you stand when you don’t know if you’re black or white, if the sun is going to shine or if the storm will win, if they’ll look for you or if they will never turn back. The grey area, where you don’t know if you’re coming or going. 

Here goes...

The grey area - where we stand and fight (shout out to all the soldiers) – But know when to let go and when to stay and fight. Are they giving you something to fight for? Are they giving you reasons to stay? Do they even want you to fight for them? This might just be a war with yourself!


The grey area – the home of unanswered questions – the chances are we know the answer to these questions but our delusional self won’t permit us to think right so we cultivate lies and deceit, wrap it with a ribbon and call it a bouquet. You’ll learn soon enough!


The grey are - where we see red and call it green.  Red as we all know means to stop or possibly danger. Stop being a damn fool. Stop deceiving yourself. Stop lowering your self-esteem. Stop taking jewels off your crown. Stop breaking your bones in pieces to fit in. stop giving everything to people who have no plans for you. Stop discounting your valuables. Stop making excuses for boneless spines. Stop being a grave yard to dead bones. Stop. Stop. Just stop!

They're Just Not That Into You...
Even a shorter dress doesn't do the magic...sorry yeh

The grey area - where we put flowers on an asshole (excuse my French) and call it a vase – Stop it. Even if you stuff the hole in an ass, they will still remain an ass. You know what they say, if it looks, walks and quack like a duck…


The grey area- where you build a castle, crown yourself the village idiot. Cooking and cleaning your way into oblivion. Showering their hearts with luxurious gifts. Praying and fasting steadily like the world is about to end. Even your loyalty is unmatched. Loyalty to a heart that doesn’t acknowledge your mere being. (This is serious)  Sorry … all that won’t make you ‘’The One’’. Have you tried that thing where we put one foot in front of the other and walk away, better still run? Maybe you should.


The grey area – where we believe their silence is them making up their minds and their no replies is them being too busy building their empire. All the while you’re forgetting that indecisiveness is an answer. Why must someone struggle to love you? Silence is an answer too. Take it and run. Find the exit and never look back! 


The grey area - where you think they’re giving you mixed signals – No love, no one is mixing anything. Chances are you’re the only one experiencing mixed signals. They have couple of your kinds and they are reaping the benefits steadily. Why buy the cow?! Free milk never felt so good huh?!


The grey area - where one person is catching feelings and building castles in the air and the other is sipping on earl grey like the boss that is Kermit! 


The grey area - where the baboon works its behind off and the monkey is sitting high and mighty, eating all the harvest. It really doesn’t have to be that way! When the feeling is mutual the effort would be equal.


The grey area – where one person is gloriously swimming in pride and ego thinking they’re too good and the other is shredding and losing self, one heart beat at a time. Dead soul is no good to no man, not even yourself. Stop it.


The grey area - where Sleepless nights, headache, frustration, anger and tears are the kings of the castle. They rule your heart and they have succeeded in driving happiness away. Bravo…I hope it’s worth it!


The grey area- where you’ve grasped onto the quote ‘’Patience is golden’’ and ‘’the patient dog eats the fattest bone’’ Patience in this case is not that golden and the only thing you’ll be eating is air, warm or cold you get to choose! 

  
The grey area - The lukewarm zone where you’re not even sure if your tea tastes nice because it’s actually a perfect cuppa or because you’re just thirsty and you’re not even sure if your sandwich is 3 days old or freshly made because the sense of being has left you…totally. You rolled from living to existing mode real quick!


The grey area- where you become the convenience corner store. When they need that quick fix at 2am or that feel good feeling, you’re there, holding on like a true champ! (Clap for yourself) All the while hoping and praying that one day you’ll graduate from a corner store to the main supermarket. That's not hope, that is a disaster!


The grey area- where you’ve successfully and forcefully convinced yourself that ignorance is bliss, that everything is black and white. The problem is you can’t see the grey because you’re sitting on it. Get up, have a look…ahhhh there’s the grey mass. Now buddy go fix yourself! 


The grey area is where they keep you when they’re weighing their options. The grey area is where you allow yourself to stay while someone decides if they want to take on all your awesomeness. You have no business in that corner, you have so much to give to the right person, why wait for someone to struggle to choose between you and someone else?! That my friend, is your cue to fly!


What you must know is that some people even if a good thing whack them across the face and call them daddy or mummy they still won’t recognise it. And that’s nothing to do with you. Be okay with that. You don’t have to win all your battles but be okay with the fact that you fought! 


Don’t try to squeeze your feet into shoe sizes that are too small. You know what you’ll end up with? A feet like mine, full of corns and calluses because I force my poor feet (Your heart) into ill fitted shoes ( that guy or lady)  just because they look nice (Your target)


Why would you fight so hard to prove your awesomeness to someone? Why have sleepless nights over someone who doesn’t even think about your existence? Think about it, if they can’t see your awesomeness then maybe they don’t deserve you in the first place. You can show someone something good but what you can’t do is force them to appreciate it. 

You haven't known pain till you've loved someone
who doesn't love you back!

If they’re not excited as I am to be in that relationship and doing the skelewu then it’s not happening. Why? Because sleepless nights and heart attack is not my portion nor am I trying to build a river with my tears. Above all I love myself better to know that people go hard for what they really care about and if they’re not going hard for me then maybe, just maybe I am not their cup of tea and I am okay with that.

Skelewu, azonto...the full works.
Unapologetic!

Mate…Move away from the grey area, nothing good grows on that piece of land. Don’t you feel lost? Is the confusion not too much for you? The maybes and what ifs, are they not killing you? 

The Grey Area - Looks pretty lonely to me...

Don’t allow someone to poison your meaning of love because when it hurts that bad, it kills your zeal to fully trust your heart to someone else again in the future. Your happiness matters, be kind to yourself. All that love you’re pouring into perforated hearts that don’t know how to love, massage some into yourself so when the right one comes along you will be able to love again.


Women as well as men play this game, so don't rest on your laurels, be watchful. See a friendship for what it is. Take your sanity very seriously, no one is worth that much. The moment you start questioning that’s when you should start getting your acts together. Love is not hard. People who do not know how to love makes love hard! 

There comes a time where one should grab a no and walk away with it…bruh everything doesn’t have to be something. Be at peace with that.

WASTING TIME IS A DANGEROUS GAME.

I dare you to live a purpose driven life!

Remember ...Love Is Black And White!

Till then

Xoxo

Sex On The First Date

Dimmed lights…Marvin Gaye playing on the stereo, wine glasses clinking and you’re getting comfortable with each other….the mood is set.

Let's get it ooon….

The Mood Is Set...Emotions are flying

Hold up sister!

Hang on brother!

Sex is not just getting naked. Sex is not just being intimate with a total stranger. Sex is more than the exchange of fluids. Sex is more than skin deep. Sex is not just letting your guard down. Sex is more than a ruffled bed and few used tissues on the floor. Sex is more than a feel-good thang.

Its way more than what you think!

You meet someone and you think you’re in love. Sometimes they don’t feel the same way but you thought sex can change the way they feel about you. Other times lust takes over. Sometimes you give it away for something in exchange. Other times you just can’t help it. Sometimes it is the only way you know how to show your emotions. Other times you’re just insecure, having a bad day, desperate or having low self-esteem.

Sex Is Not a Remedy!

She has a body of a goddess and he has all the packs and muscles intact. You envision them lifting you up to all these positions and heights of excitement. You envision you engulfing and running your hands through all of her curves and edges. Then the butterflies start. Your brain takes a back seat.

Take your brain with you!

Depending on what you’re looking for…Sex on the first date can be a recipe for disaster. (In my opinion) Remember when a person is really into you, they won’t want to grab all the goodies on the first date. If he does, then that says a lot about his character.

Run for the hills

If you offer sex on a platter, there is a huge chance that they won’t turn it down. But why would they?

VALUE

When you know the value of something you don’t just give it away to anyone. You cherish it and take care of it. Some give it away like it is nothing but in the words of Maya Angelou when you know better, you do better. If you know how powerful that thing between your legs is, then you will value it more. Till you learn the power that lies between those legs, you’ll likely to fall short in between sheets and wake up the next morning with a heap of regrets!

You are not alone, do better!

Not a substitute

Surprisingly there are a handful of people that think sex constitutes love. Sex is not a substitute for love and will never be. Sex can’t make them love you. Sex won’t make them walk you down the aisle. Sex won’t make them commit. Sex alone won’t make you the only one, remember most times, you’re not the only one trying to be the only one. They will sure stick around for the goodies but when the jar is empty or when he sees a better looking cookie you become a thing of the past. Where does that leave your battered emotions and vagina?

Sex alone is not enough –

Newsflash – You’re a whole being

There’s so much to you than just your vagina or penis, your boobs and your six packs. You can give so much more than just sex. You’re a human being with a brain, a soul and eyes and nose etc. Make them fall in love with the way you smile. The way you giggle. The way you think and the crazy stuff you say sometimes. The way you sulk. The awkwardness in your walk and the way you get excited when you talk about something passionate. Give them a chance to fall in love with your flaws because when they do that is what will make for a lifetime of laughter and long friendship.

If sex is the only thing you have to offer, what are you bringing to the table?

Familiar Strangers

 ‘’oh we just connected and I felt so comfortable with him like I’ve known him the longest. We felt like familiar strangers. I think he/she is the one’’ I say stop smoking that good kush and give up alcohol because clearly that was lust making an appearance in grand style. That was common sense leaving your body. That is the bullshit excuse you are looking for to justify the sexual escapade you’re planning in your mind. That is you thinking you’re in love.

Stop it!

Familiar Strangers...

 It is better when connected!

Sex is better when you connect on a level. On a spiritual and emotional level, not just physical. Hey I'm no saint but trust me, sex feels waaay better when it’s properly channelled. It is safer and more enjoyable. If you think you’re enjoying sex now, imagine how great it will be with someone you connect with and actually love?!

Wait for it. Take time to build a relationship.

Take Time To Build...

Don’t underestimate the power of sex

Don’t get me wrong, sex is a powerful bonding mechanism. Sex is powerful. It binds bodies and ties soul. Good sex can make paralyse your finances. Good sex can make you want to scream the L word when you don’t even know the meaning of Love. Good sex can lengthen a very bad relationship. Good sex can destroy you. See why you should stay away till the time is right? Abstain till you feel you’re comfortable. Stay away till you’re totally sure of what you’re doing. Don’t allow lust to overshadow your vision. If you can’t handle it, abstain, you won’t die!

Dangerous territory!

Clouds judgement

Sleeping with someone on the first date clouds your vision. All you see is a one way road. No one can tell you anything.  It is always better to know who you’re baring your soul to. It is better to know the person you’re getting naked with.

As I mentioned earlier, sex is more than what meets the eye. Chemistry between two adult is great but you are going to need more than that when you wake up in the morning and look at yourself in the mirror. You are going to need more than that when you finishing moaning and groaning and looking for your panties and boxers on the floor. You’re going to wake up three months later and think ‘’what was I thinking??!!’

You then find out the only thing you have in common exists between the sheets.

Hooked. Addicted. Disabled. Helpless. Needy

Most people I have spoken with, especially women expect a lot after sleeping with a guy. They want a relationship or something long term and permanent. No serious minded girl wants to be a bed hopper. After sex, they feel the need to cling and hold on to this person no matter how unfit he/she is for them. You finally get to know this person but it’s a tad bit too late, you now feel trapped and disabled because you've had sex and leaving won’t be ideal.

This is a bad place to be. You feel imprisoned, especially women.  They become numb to their gut feelings. You become almost helpless and needy.

Needy. Clingy. Helpless

Easy come. Easy go

Hate me for this but if you sleep with someone on the first date, you’re easy. Yes. And you know what they say, easy come easy go. They will leave you dry and hanging and drop you like a wasp. They will have little or no respect for you. They will hardly ever take you seriously. That is not the way you want to be perceived but can you blame them?! Anything easily gained is hardly respected, valued and cherished. Someone who is genuinely interested in you will wait. Now this might sound harsh but if you were that easy to get you will be easily forgotten.

Ladies 

We especially need to be careful about sex. Men will say anything to get some and if you’re offering on a platter, even better. They will do anything to get into your panties, blame society but the way it is, fingers are pointing towards us more if we engage in countless sexual escapades with different partners. That thing between your legs is powerful, use it like you know the value of it. Flirt all you like, safe flirting but once you jump into that bed it’s a different story. Try not to write a regret story.

Some people grow old with their first sexual partner. Some people get married to their one night stander. Others will tell you they have a happy family with someone they had sex on the first date with. Everyone story is different.

However, Personally I wouldn't advice it.

All the guys whistling at you and blowing your phone off with countless messages doesn't mean you’re the hottest. It doesn't even mean you are that chick. It doesn't mean you are the ‘’baddest’’ either. In fact it doesn't mean anything! Don’t be gullible. Don’t be naive. Get off that hype.

I do not believe in rules and all that but that is not to say you shouldn't act wisely. Who is to say that guy who waited for 6 months won’t hop and leave as soon as he gets some? Who’s to say?!! There are no rules to this game.

Men will tell you oh we don’t have time for all the childish games but they will sit with their mates and shout oh I love a challenge, these chicks are too easy!

Don’t be fooled.

Be mature about it

If you by any chance messed up like we all do, be an adult about it. Play safe, sexually transmitted diseases are real. Be wise, unwanted pregnancy is not the way forward. Remember no one forced you to do it, take responsibility and fix it. Please think of how it’ll affect you rather than how the guy will see you. You are more important.

We have all been stupid in love…and in bed!

Remember, your naked body is ONLY for someone who is in love with your naked soul

Till next time...

xoxo