Monday, 10 February 2014

I once met a stranger... A stranger in the night!


Music blaring from cars and neighbouring clubs, girls doing their Naomi Campbell and guys on their Tyson Beckford flex, it was all proving a bit too much for this old raver and this is coming from a senior party animal. No, no you don’t understand, what I meant was, I graduated and actually got masters in partying…Partying is my thing, but there was just something about the night that just didn't add up.

I felt alone and misplaced in a club full of people, alcohol and blasting music. This has never happened to me. Entered the club with the zeal to dance the night away in my high uncomfortable heels (as I normally do) but the energy all died in space of minutes. Probably it was too packed. Or maybe the music was not hitting the right spot. Or who knows, maybe this chick is just getting old and over the club scene. I didn't know what it was but I will need to find out but for now…I met a stranger in the night.

Stranger In The Night

On that my self-consumed night out with my cousins and friends, after a few rounds in the club I decided to go out and get some fresh air. Club, music, good vibes backed by alcohol, common let’s be real….I will always answer present in such environment. But this night was different!

As I walked past my cousins dancing the night away, I stealthily slipped away. There was this long queue of ravers just waiting to enter the club. With my clutch in my arms and almost battery-dead phone I pulled my very tight and short skirt up a bit with a quick jump which enabled me to seat on this very rough high wall. Sitting there, it all felt OK, it felt right. Just sitting there watching couples cuddling up, men hunting and ladies parading the walk. It was all fun to watch.

It was just after 1 am, the night scene was just warming up and the spirit of soberness was leaving planet earth. Not long after, I encountered a fight just few yards from where I was sitting. The night was getting interesting. I loved every moment, as I absorbed everything in, including the weather which was an utter mess. There was a shade where I was seating so I was covered, not fully but I didn't mind the odd drizzling of the rain drops on my skin. It was cold. This was in the deadly month of October when we were slowly approaching dear winter. Brrrr

As the night proceeds into the early hours, phone battery finally died and I lost all touch with my cousins who were in the club (Presumably still having a swell time). Normally I fully rely on my phone to keep boredom away, especially in my present situation. However with a dead phone that was impossible. I couldn't check my Facebook, Instagram for any new updates, or my Twitter. Truthfully, I wasn't bothered. I had my action-packed environment to keep me going, and it was doing one helluva job!

On this cold showery night as I inhaled the fresh air and getting lost in my environment, a rather sharp hello brought me back to reality. Blinking like a moron, I looked up in shock and there was this fine dark gentleman of about an average height smiling mysteriously at me.

Hand held against my heart I was ready to blast a few words to correct this mistake as I thought it was a drunken person trying to disturb my peace. In an environment like that surrounded by people who have had one too many drinks and gradually losing their minds in the process, one has to be careful and alert.

Surprisingly the smile on this man’s face calmed my ruffled soul. His face was wreathed in smiles, a smile that gave nothing away but hid a lot, almost like a rogue. I returned his smile sheepishly and thought to myself I like a bit of misery. Let’s explore!

Stranger: Can I seat next to you
ME: It’s a bit wet but… (Without finishing my sentence)
Stranger: I'm not complaining and that’s not a problem. I'll be fine (He sat down next to me)
Stranger: Are you OK? What is a beautiful woman like you doing outside a club all by herself?

In my head I was about to end this corny conversation here and then. Too many guys of such calibre filters the street and ain’t nobody got time for that!!

ME: (Smiling) Flattery will get you anywhere and everywhere but I’m fine thanks and I’m just out taking fresh air
Stranger: OK, as long as you’re fine

Following that he introduced himself and was seemingly in a similar situation as me. Out for a friend’s birthday but club night was kinda proving to be a bit too much, he was out and heading home before he saw this  ‘’damsel in distress’’ – (He thought!)

My perspective of this supposedly corny guy changed as we got talking. There was something strange going on. I felt comfortable with him, I felt I could tell him my life secrets and I am sure he felt the same way as we started sharing personal experiences and happenings close to our hearts. This was slowly turning into an Oprah show but I guess neither one of us minded. 

This was genuine. It felt right. This was therapy.

Discussions were flying from all aspects of life, from past relationships to work and hobbies. From present endeavours to future plans. I honestly think no area was left untouched. From our chat, it was evident that we had a lot in common.

I found myself telling him things about my past relationship that I haven’t been able to tell no one, things I kept to myself and never thought I’ll let out. (Don’t ask how he made me) He had this trust-me personality and wasn't demanding anything from me. We spoke freely and openly. He made no derogatory comments or gestures. He complimented my intelligence and admired my drive and passion for the things I spoke so keenly about. He was a true gentleman.

The night was getting colder and colder and he must have caught me letting off a little shiver when he offered me his jacket which I declined first (being the lady I am even though I was freezing my ass off) and later cosily wrapped myself in his warm furry jacket. Aaahhh heaven!!

Looking at him, he had this sparkly smile on his face throughout our conversation but I could see the hurt in his eyes when he spoke about his last relationship. I just wanted to give him a big hug and say it was going to be alright but I thought no… Sometimes our healing process comes from the acceptance that we are hurting and being to talk about it.

...And Revisit Your Hurt

Out in the cold; cuddly wrapped up in his jacket while he was sitting right next to me in his white shirt (without jacket). I didn't want the night to end. I was enjoying the conversation. This was quality. He was actually listening. He wasn't judging. He understood.

Well spoken, respectful, thoughtful and humorous – What a rare combo! He was a free spirit too. I didn't feel the need to impress him and his conversational skill was blowing me away. (You don’t meet many people like that) He made the night about me! Now who’ll want to hurt a thing like that?

However, all good things must come to an end. As he called for his taxi he asked how I’m going to get home. I told him I’m covered. He sat there for a while not saying anything and finally he said  ‘’We chatted like long lost friends, this is the best and longest conversation I've had in a long time and I think we were both out to meet each other and share past hurts, pain and laughter.’’ I laughed and nodded in agreement and replied ''absolutely!''

Not long after, there was a vibration from his trousers pocket which shook both of us from la la land, and that was his taxi. He insisted on walking me back to the club as he didn't want to leave me out again, all by myself. Walking me back to the night club, he said I am not going to ask you for your number, but I will give you mine. If you feel like we need to talk more, please do not hesitate to give me a call. 
He quickly added ‘’I am a good cook too, maybe we can do a lunch’’

I smiled, returned his jacket and bid him farewell, which was followed by a warm hug from my Stranger in the Night. As I walked down the stairs in the club, he stood there with this smile on his face and watched me disappeared one step at a time.

That was the last time I ever saw my Stranger in the Night.

Morning after… I had to ask myself if that actually happened. It all felt like the strangest and weirdest dream. It didn't feel real.

Was I tempted to call him? Yes.

 Did I call him? No.

Why? I thought he has played his part in my life and so have i. I wasn't attracted to him in any physical way, neither did I have any filthy dreams of him but I would have absolutely loved to stay in contact. He was a brilliant human. It was his honesty that created a solid platform for our conversation.

Now how often do these things happen to people?!

Every now and again we come across different people fighting different wars that we have no idea about. I’m happy I wasn't quick to judge him or shove his hello back in his face. I was happy I was able to give a listening ear to a total stranger and vice versa. I was extremely happy that I finally found some sort of peace within myself. I wasn't in the best place those times and God knew I needed to talk to someone. That two hours or more chat was a needed therapy. Funny because I always think I don’t need anyone, little did I know!

Give Everyone a Fighting Chance!

When I woke up in the morning it gave me something to think about. How very ironic for me to be out trying to party and drink the night away. Trying to dance away a dose of my hurt with some good music and drown my pain in some vodka. Obviously I thought I was OK, till I took a step back and revisited my past. To walk away from a bad situation we, need to revisit our inner monsters, acknowledge they are there and make peace with it.

Apparently drinking pain and hurt away is easier than going through the healing process. Acting like superman and superwoman is easier than making peace with our pasts. We are going about it all wrong.

They say time heals. No, time do not heal. Here’s an example, if you don’t do anything active to heal a wound, covering it up and saying to yourself that with time it’ll go away, you might be setting yourself up for a disaster. The next time you open up that wound it would have gone from bad to worse because no care was taken and it has started to decay. When something decays you know it’ll affect other areas that were not affected before, causing more damage. You certainly do not need that!  

Time does not heal. Healing process is an active process. Trust in the Lord...He heals and can make all things whole.

...God Heals!


Another thing that came to me that morning is this. Give everyone a chance. Even if you think they’re fools. Give everyone a fighting chance and be open. We live in a simple world with complex people, but you don’t have to be complex. Embrace something that is totally foreign to you and get out of your comfort zone. This doesn't mean you’re gullible but rather strong and brave enough to challenge yourself.

To my stranger in the night, I say thank you. Thank you and yes I still remember that night. Will I do this all over again….Yes, without an iota of doubt!

One day I hope he goes on the internet and finds this story. I hope it put a bright smile on your face like the one you left me with. One day…I hope!

Adiós mi amigo, Adiós.

J


“You may think that hiding your pain from sight is somehow going to make it disappear. I can tell you from experience that it isn't. It is just like the time as a kid when you really didn't want to eat your greens. If you hid them underneath a piece of furniture, sooner or later your mum would discover them because all she had to do was follow the smell. Just like the broccoli, hidden issues begin to smell if they are not brought out into the open air. There is no escape.” 




Till then...

Xoxo