Dimmed lights…Marvin Gaye playing on the stereo, wine glasses clinking and you’re getting comfortable with each other….the mood is set.
Let's get it ooon….
The Mood Is Set...Emotions are flying
Hold up sister!
Hang on brother!
Sex is not just getting naked. Sex is not just being intimate with a total stranger. Sex is more than the exchange of fluids. Sex is more than skin deep. Sex is not just letting your guard down. Sex is more than a ruffled bed and few used tissues on the floor. Sex is more than a feel-good thang.
Its way more than what you think!
You meet someone and you think you’re in love. Sometimes they don’t feel the same way but you thought sex can change the way they feel about you. Other times lust takes over. Sometimes you give it away for something in exchange. Other times you just can’t help it. Sometimes it is the only way you know how to show your emotions. Other times you’re just insecure, having a bad day, desperate or having low self-esteem.
Sex Is Not a Remedy!
She has a body of a goddess and he has all the packs and muscles intact. You envision them lifting you up to all these positions and heights of excitement. You envision you engulfing and running your hands through all of her curves and edges. Then the butterflies start. Your brain takes a back seat.
Take your brain with you!
Depending on what you’re looking for…Sex on the first date can be a recipe for disaster. (In my opinion) Remember when a person is really into you, they won’t want to grab all the goodies on the first date. If he does, then that says a lot about his character.
Run for the hills
If you offer sex on a platter, there is a huge chance that they won’t turn it down. But why would they?
When you know the value of something you don’t just give it away to anyone. You cherish it and take care of it. Some give it away like it is nothing but in the words of Maya Angelou when you know better, you do better. If you know how powerful that thing between your legs is, then you will value it more. Till you learn the power that lies between those legs, you’ll likely to fall short in between sheets and wake up the next morning with a heap of regrets!
You are not alone, do better!
Not a substitute
Surprisingly there are a handful of people that think sex constitutes love. Sex is not a substitute for love and will never be. Sex can’t make them love you. Sex won’t make them walk you down the aisle. Sex won’t make them commit. Sex alone won’t make you the only one, remember most times, you’re not the only one trying to be the only one. They will sure stick around for the goodies but when the jar is empty or when he sees a better looking cookie you become a thing of the past. Where does that leave your battered emotions and vagina?
Sex alone is not enough –
Newsflash – You’re a whole being
There’s so much to you than just your vagina or penis, your boobs and your six packs. You can give so much more than just sex. You’re a human being with a brain, a soul and eyes and nose etc. Make them fall in love with the way you smile. The way you giggle. The way you think and the crazy stuff you say sometimes. The way you sulk. The awkwardness in your walk and the way you get excited when you talk about something passionate. Give them a chance to fall in love with your flaws because when they do that is what will make for a lifetime of laughter and long friendship.
If sex is the only thing you have to offer, what are you bringing to the table?
‘’oh we just connected and I felt so comfortable with him like I’ve known him the longest. We felt like familiar strangers. I think he/she is the one’’ I say stop smoking that good kush and give up alcohol because clearly that was lust making an appearance in grand style. That was common sense leaving your body. That is the bullshit excuse you are looking for to justify the sexual escapade you’re planning in your mind. That is you thinking you’re in love.
It is better when connected!
Sex is better when you connect on a level. On a spiritual and emotional level, not just physical. Hey I'm no saint but trust me, sex feels waaay better when it’s properly channelled. It is safer and more enjoyable. If you think you’re enjoying sex now, imagine how great it will be with someone you connect with and actually love?!
Wait for it. Take time to build a relationship.
Take Time To Build...
Don’t underestimate the power of sex
Don’t get me wrong, sex is a powerful bonding mechanism. Sex is powerful. It binds bodies and ties soul. Good sex can make paralyse your finances. Good sex can make you want to scream the L word when you don’t even know the meaning of Love. Good sex can lengthen a very bad relationship. Good sex can destroy you. See why you should stay away till the time is right? Abstain till you feel you’re comfortable. Stay away till you’re totally sure of what you’re doing. Don’t allow lust to overshadow your vision. If you can’t handle it, abstain, you won’t die!
Sleeping with someone on the first date clouds your vision. All you see is a one way road. No one can tell you anything. It is always better to know who you’re baring your soul to. It is better to know the person you’re getting naked with.
As I mentioned earlier, sex is more than what meets the eye. Chemistry between two adult is great but you are going to need more than that when you wake up in the morning and look at yourself in the mirror. You are going to need more than that when you finishing moaning and groaning and looking for your panties and boxers on the floor. You’re going to wake up three months later and think ‘’what was I thinking??!!’
You then find out the only thing you have in common exists between the sheets.
Hooked. Addicted. Disabled. Helpless. Needy
Most people I have spoken with, especially women expect a lot after sleeping with a guy. They want a relationship or something long term and permanent. No serious minded girl wants to be a bed hopper. After sex, they feel the need to cling and hold on to this person no matter how unfit he/she is for them. You finally get to know this person but it’s a tad bit too late, you now feel trapped and disabled because you've had sex and leaving won’t be ideal.
This is a bad place to be. You feel imprisoned, especially women. They become numb to their gut feelings. You become almost helpless and needy.
Needy. Clingy. Helpless
Easy come. Easy go
Hate me for this but if you sleep with someone on the first date, you’re easy. Yes. And you know what they say, easy come easy go. They will leave you dry and hanging and drop you like a wasp. They will have little or no respect for you. They will hardly ever take you seriously. That is not the way you want to be perceived but can you blame them?! Anything easily gained is hardly respected, valued and cherished. Someone who is genuinely interested in you will wait. Now this might sound harsh but if you were that easy to get you will be easily forgotten.
We especially need to be careful about sex. Men will say anything to get some and if you’re offering on a platter, even better. They will do anything to get into your panties, blame society but the way it is, fingers are pointing towards us more if we engage in countless sexual escapades with different partners. That thing between your legs is powerful, use it like you know the value of it. Flirt all you like, safe flirting but once you jump into that bed it’s a different story. Try not to write a regret story.
Some people grow old with their first sexual partner. Some people get married to their one night stander. Others will tell you they have a happy family with someone they had sex on the first date with. Everyone story is different.
However, Personally I wouldn't advice it.
All the guys whistling at you and blowing your phone off with countless messages doesn't mean you’re the hottest. It doesn't even mean you are that chick. It doesn't mean you are the ‘’baddest’’ either. In fact it doesn't mean anything! Don’t be gullible. Don’t be naive. Get off that hype.
I do not believe in rules and all that but that is not to say you shouldn't act wisely. Who is to say that guy who waited for 6 months won’t hop and leave as soon as he gets some? Who’s to say?!! There are no rules to this game.
Men will tell you oh we don’t have time for all the childish games but they will sit with their mates and shout oh I love a challenge, these chicks are too easy!
Don’t be fooled.
Be mature about it
If you by any chance messed up like we all do, be an adult about it. Play safe, sexually transmitted diseases are real. Be wise, unwanted pregnancy is not the way forward. Remember no one forced you to do it, take responsibility and fix it. Please think of how it’ll affect you rather than how the guy will see you. You are more important.
We have all been stupid in love…and in bed!
Remember, your naked body is ONLY for someone who is in love with your naked soul
Till next time...