Sex On The First Date

Dimmed lights…Marvin Gaye playing on the stereo, wine glasses clinking and you’re getting comfortable with each other….the mood is set.

Let's get it ooon….

The Mood Is Set...Emotions are flying

Hold up sister!

Hang on brother!

Sex is not just getting naked. Sex is not just being intimate with a total stranger. Sex is more than the exchange of fluids. Sex is more than skin deep. Sex is not just letting your guard down. Sex is more than a ruffled bed and few used tissues on the floor. Sex is more than a feel-good thang.

Its way more than what you think!

You meet someone and you think you’re in love. Sometimes they don’t feel the same way but you thought sex can change the way they feel about you. Other times lust takes over. Sometimes you give it away for something in exchange. Other times you just can’t help it. Sometimes it is the only way you know how to show your emotions. Other times you’re just insecure, having a bad day, desperate or having low self-esteem.

Sex Is Not a Remedy!

She has a body of a goddess and he has all the packs and muscles intact. You envision them lifting you up to all these positions and heights of excitement. You envision you engulfing and running your hands through all of her curves and edges. Then the butterflies start. Your brain takes a back seat.

Take your brain with you!

Depending on what you’re looking for…Sex on the first date can be a recipe for disaster. (In my opinion) Remember when a person is really into you, they won’t want to grab all the goodies on the first date. If he does, then that says a lot about his character.

Run for the hills

If you offer sex on a platter, there is a huge chance that they won’t turn it down. But why would they?

VALUE

When you know the value of something you don’t just give it away to anyone. You cherish it and take care of it. Some give it away like it is nothing but in the words of Maya Angelou when you know better, you do better. If you know how powerful that thing between your legs is, then you will value it more. Till you learn the power that lies between those legs, you’ll likely to fall short in between sheets and wake up the next morning with a heap of regrets!

You are not alone, do better!

Not a substitute

Surprisingly there are a handful of people that think sex constitutes love. Sex is not a substitute for love and will never be. Sex can’t make them love you. Sex won’t make them walk you down the aisle. Sex won’t make them commit. Sex alone won’t make you the only one, remember most times, you’re not the only one trying to be the only one. They will sure stick around for the goodies but when the jar is empty or when he sees a better looking cookie you become a thing of the past. Where does that leave your battered emotions and vagina?

Sex alone is not enough –

Newsflash – You’re a whole being

There’s so much to you than just your vagina or penis, your boobs and your six packs. You can give so much more than just sex. You’re a human being with a brain, a soul and eyes and nose etc. Make them fall in love with the way you smile. The way you giggle. The way you think and the crazy stuff you say sometimes. The way you sulk. The awkwardness in your walk and the way you get excited when you talk about something passionate. Give them a chance to fall in love with your flaws because when they do that is what will make for a lifetime of laughter and long friendship.

If sex is the only thing you have to offer, what are you bringing to the table?

Familiar Strangers

 ‘’oh we just connected and I felt so comfortable with him like I’ve known him the longest. We felt like familiar strangers. I think he/she is the one’’ I say stop smoking that good kush and give up alcohol because clearly that was lust making an appearance in grand style. That was common sense leaving your body. That is the bullshit excuse you are looking for to justify the sexual escapade you’re planning in your mind. That is you thinking you’re in love.

Stop it!

Familiar Strangers...

 It is better when connected!

Sex is better when you connect on a level. On a spiritual and emotional level, not just physical. Hey I'm no saint but trust me, sex feels waaay better when it’s properly channelled. It is safer and more enjoyable. If you think you’re enjoying sex now, imagine how great it will be with someone you connect with and actually love?!

Wait for it. Take time to build a relationship.

Take Time To Build...

Don’t underestimate the power of sex

Don’t get me wrong, sex is a powerful bonding mechanism. Sex is powerful. It binds bodies and ties soul. Good sex can make paralyse your finances. Good sex can make you want to scream the L word when you don’t even know the meaning of Love. Good sex can lengthen a very bad relationship. Good sex can destroy you. See why you should stay away till the time is right? Abstain till you feel you’re comfortable. Stay away till you’re totally sure of what you’re doing. Don’t allow lust to overshadow your vision. If you can’t handle it, abstain, you won’t die!

Dangerous territory!

Clouds judgement

Sleeping with someone on the first date clouds your vision. All you see is a one way road. No one can tell you anything.  It is always better to know who you’re baring your soul to. It is better to know the person you’re getting naked with.

As I mentioned earlier, sex is more than what meets the eye. Chemistry between two adult is great but you are going to need more than that when you wake up in the morning and look at yourself in the mirror. You are going to need more than that when you finishing moaning and groaning and looking for your panties and boxers on the floor. You’re going to wake up three months later and think ‘’what was I thinking??!!’

You then find out the only thing you have in common exists between the sheets.

Hooked. Addicted. Disabled. Helpless. Needy

Most people I have spoken with, especially women expect a lot after sleeping with a guy. They want a relationship or something long term and permanent. No serious minded girl wants to be a bed hopper. After sex, they feel the need to cling and hold on to this person no matter how unfit he/she is for them. You finally get to know this person but it’s a tad bit too late, you now feel trapped and disabled because you've had sex and leaving won’t be ideal.

This is a bad place to be. You feel imprisoned, especially women.  They become numb to their gut feelings. You become almost helpless and needy.

Needy. Clingy. Helpless

Easy come. Easy go

Hate me for this but if you sleep with someone on the first date, you’re easy. Yes. And you know what they say, easy come easy go. They will leave you dry and hanging and drop you like a wasp. They will have little or no respect for you. They will hardly ever take you seriously. That is not the way you want to be perceived but can you blame them?! Anything easily gained is hardly respected, valued and cherished. Someone who is genuinely interested in you will wait. Now this might sound harsh but if you were that easy to get you will be easily forgotten.

Ladies 

We especially need to be careful about sex. Men will say anything to get some and if you’re offering on a platter, even better. They will do anything to get into your panties, blame society but the way it is, fingers are pointing towards us more if we engage in countless sexual escapades with different partners. That thing between your legs is powerful, use it like you know the value of it. Flirt all you like, safe flirting but once you jump into that bed it’s a different story. Try not to write a regret story.

Some people grow old with their first sexual partner. Some people get married to their one night stander. Others will tell you they have a happy family with someone they had sex on the first date with. Everyone story is different.

However, Personally I wouldn't advice it.

All the guys whistling at you and blowing your phone off with countless messages doesn't mean you’re the hottest. It doesn't even mean you are that chick. It doesn't mean you are the ‘’baddest’’ either. In fact it doesn't mean anything! Don’t be gullible. Don’t be naive. Get off that hype.

I do not believe in rules and all that but that is not to say you shouldn't act wisely. Who is to say that guy who waited for 6 months won’t hop and leave as soon as he gets some? Who’s to say?!! There are no rules to this game.

Men will tell you oh we don’t have time for all the childish games but they will sit with their mates and shout oh I love a challenge, these chicks are too easy!

Don’t be fooled.

Be mature about it

If you by any chance messed up like we all do, be an adult about it. Play safe, sexually transmitted diseases are real. Be wise, unwanted pregnancy is not the way forward. Remember no one forced you to do it, take responsibility and fix it. Please think of how it’ll affect you rather than how the guy will see you. You are more important.

We have all been stupid in love…and in bed!

Remember, your naked body is ONLY for someone who is in love with your naked soul

Till next time...

xoxo

Where Is God When It Hurts ?!

RIP Beautiful Souls!

  ...dedicated to two beautiful souls lost in the pace of a fortnight. 

How do you handle that? How do you even begin to process that thought? How? But it happened and life does take unexpected turns and the saddest part is, we are never ready!

I had the privilege of meeting this young man when my cousin got married into their family. Jovial, bubbly, friendly, accommodating and he will keep you laughing like a village idiot. We quickly gelled, I mean what better way to make acquaintance than through laughter?!

I was a bridesmaid and he was a groomsman, you can imagine the kind of fun and laughter we shared together with the other bridal party.

If I have to describe Victor, the first word that will spring to my mind is funny. He never ceases to make me laugh. He is going to be missed. He will be missed, not by a few but multitudes. Believe me when I say so. He was a personality! He was a walking ball of sunshine.

You Never Know The Last Time..

The other soul that was lost was my uncle Raymond, through a family friend. He was helpful, always willing, jovial, bubbly and full of jokes. He came into our lives for a short while and was gone in a twinkle of an eye. He was the type of person that wouldn’t hurt a fly. He came, shone and left a trace of sparkle in the lives of the people he touched. A man of integrity. Death! Why?

We have no control over death..none at all!

My question is where’s God? Where is God when it hurts?

Times like these my faith wavers. I’m scared. I’m angry. I’m frustrated. I’m sad. I’m speechless. I’m in shock. My mind can’t stop racing. I question everything. You can’t help but ask the formidable question why?

I know I am not supposed to question God’s ways. I know I am not supposed to ask God why but two beautiful souls in the same month is kinda hard to fathom. I can’t comprehend why the beautiful souls finish first. I can’t understand the logic behind that. I am human after all.

Is my faith supposed to stand strong in the midst of all these? Where do you lift up your eyes? Why does all the beautiful people finish first? Why oh why. I guess I will never find answers to some questions.

Young souls. Young lives. Gone in the blink of an eye. We were not ready. The struggle is real but so is God. I am learning the hard way to trust God more.

This just confirmed few things for me.

• Nothing is certain in life, nothing is guaranteed.
• We never know the day nor the hour, nor the minute when death will knock
• Treat everyone like it’s the last you’re seeing of them
• Don’t wait. Don’t hesitate. Don’t think too much to say what’s on your mind to people
• Tell the people you care about that you love them and show them
• We do not have tomorrow
• Live life to the fullest
• Just because you’re a good person doesn’t mean you’ll die last.
• Grow in the word of God, go closer to God.
• Make every day worth the while
• Be nice, be patient, speak with caution because people are out here fighting battles you know nothing about.
• Try not to be a jerk, treat people nice
• If your motto for living is YOLO then I pray that you do it right, hurt no one and tread with caution

A Reminder...

I won’t give you a list for living because I myself I am just trying to figure it out. I know nothing about life, these sudden deaths just left me lost and unfounded in the deep blue sea. But in all things just try. These rapid deaths have given me a new perspective on life. For every time I lose someone it makes me think how blessed I am but also the thought of it could have been me always makes me grateful that I have been given another chance to get it right. I pray we all do.

Take off those Limits you've Set For Yourself
Free Your Soul

With that I just want to wish everyone a blessed day. Love more. Be kind. Have patience.

You Will Linger In Our Hearts Forever!
Sleep on and take your rest.

Till next time

Xoxo

Phenomenal Woman - Dr Maya Angelou

She taught me strength. She taught me forgiveness. She taught me the balance between being a strong and approachable woman and not coming across too strong and unapproachable. (Still struggling with that by the way) She taught me the fight. She taught me to look for the good in people, regardless. She taught me confidence and how to love my body. She taught me to do more than just exist but to live life. Her work taught me life lessons and the essence of inspiring others with the little instilled in me.

Dr Maya Angelou
 Phenomenal Woman

She was an icon to me and will always be. I don’t really admire that much people but MAYA ANGELOU was one phenomenal lady I admire the most. I don’t think I’ll find anyone else like her; no she’s incomparable in my books.

"I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” 

~Maya Angelou

The beauty of it was that I actually discovered her all by myself through my burning passion for written words and poetry. Her work inspires me, it brings out some kind of consciousness I never knew I had.

If you read her work, you will know she was a fighter, a lover, a lady. You can actually tell that she knew who she was and wasn’t ashamed of her truth. She mastered the fine balance between being a lady and that i-will-kick-you-in-the-balls if you mess with me kinda girl. I loved her work long before i actually knew who this Phenomenal lady was.

Style and Grace

Sometimes i feel like death cheats us in the most unfair way. I feel like death always misses the target. I just feel like death succeeded in cheating a lot of us this time. Maya Angelou living a few more fruitful years, spilling fruitful words of wisdom and consciousness wouldnt have hurt nobody.

“I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.”

~Maya Angelou

She has gone to a better place I am sure but her legacy will live on forever. Her work is timeless. Her influence on me and so many other people will remain forever. It helped shaped a lot of us, either consciously or unconsciously and for that reason, I am grateful. She taught us that every story was worth telling and the best thing you can ever do to yourself is to forgive yourself.

Love this pic of her - Authenticity Certified!

She lived a fruitful and fulfilled life; Maya Angelou was well known and respected even by well-known figures in the world. She instilled morals in both the young and old unknowingly. Timeless inspiration.

She Gave Hope In Love

Some people only get recognised in death but I am happy such an inspiration was recognised from when she was alive.  Not many people get that chance. She was many things, and I know a lot of people can relate, if she wasn’t the educator to you, then she was maybe a poet, or a teacher or the activist but one way or the other she gave her audience a voice. To me she was a poet and a teacher.

''.....at the heart of her,she was a teacher''

In the words of Oprah ‘’The world knows her as a poet but at the heart of her, she was a teacher’’ I cannot agree more. I learned a lot from her more than I have in any celebrities out there. She is in a league of her own; not only for her works but for the way she carried herself. Her works speaks very loud to a wide range of people but the way she carried herself spoke even louder. I have never heard, seen or read any scandalous news about this lady. She lived her work.

I call her ''my fav girl’’ and She taught me that I am a phenomenal woman.

My Fav Girl

On Thursday 28^th May 2014 at 8am, the mentor, the teacher, the historian, the activist, the poet, the lover, the fighter, the actress, the educator, the artist Dr Maya Angelou passed away.

May her soul rest in perfect peace.

A Timeless Inspiration

''Try to be a rainbow in someone's cloud''

~Maya Angelou

Till next time

Xoxo

They Can Be Your Happy

.....Without controlling your happiness

It’s that feeling you get that feels like you’re floating like Aladdin on the magic carpet. That feeling you get like electricity has just been powered through your house after waiting for days in Sierra Leone. It’s that feeling you get like a new you has been created. It’s like that feeling you get when you see your waiter coming through with your food. Oh the joy!

Is Everything, Everything else is overrated!

I know the importance of being happy with yourself and finding happiness within yourself but I also know the importance of someone influencing your happiness. I know the importance of being in total control of your happiness but I also know the joy experienced when we let people in and allow them to add to your happiness. They become your subtle dose of happy without being your source of happiness.

When you have someone to share this life with, life becomes a journey worth riding. A wave worth sailing on and it all starts to make sense, even the confusion. All the years spent building that person you are now, that person who is sure of who they are, that person who is more than happy to be on her own and not crave unwanted and needless attention, that beautiful self-sufficient soul.

It is the moments that you never plan, that ends up staying in your heart forever!

You become hopeful and extra excited about life. Mondays are no longer Mondays, and the weekend suddenly has a new rhythm to it. You don’t waste your days craving for the nights nor waste the mornings craving for the weekend. You see the sunset and the sunrise and just wished they were there to experience it with you. You recognize beauty and wish they were there to see it with you. You hear your favorite music on the radio and you just wish they were right by your side to rock with it. You sniff a stranger’s perfume and your senses automatically races to that one person, that oh so familiar place.

Even the sunset is worth experiencing with them...

That uncontrollable laughter, the itchiness of your fingers to keep checking your phone for their message, the chaotic, restless breathing mix with that feeling inside that is indescribable. Yes, indescribable for the mere fact that you can’t put it into words. Some experiences in life are like that. Don’t force yourself to understand it. Don’t force yourself to explain it. Just experience it and keep it in that special little corner of your heart, together with all your cherished goodies.

There's no definite quota for happiness...

When you find that little powerhouse of yours that just lights up your heart and sends current down your spines then you know true happiness. It doesn't mean you are weak or feeble. It just means you’re grown, grown enough to let people in without allowing them to control your happiness. Grown enough to cultivate your inner happiness and allow others to help water it. It’s a grown thing. Only the grown will understand. This doesn't happen in the blink of an eye. Sometimes it takes years, sometimes it takes forever.

Being scared of letting people in only shows that you still need to do more work within, more self-development and more soul searching. When you’re not fully aware of whom you are as a person, it is very easy to be influenced by outside forces, and it becomes easy to be confused and lose your balance in life.

You don't often see it coming..

However, as confused as these years may seem, this place is not a bad place to be at all. No one has their shit together. So if you are working hard at it, trying to figure it out then you’re on track. You are not alone either; there are thousands of us in that same boat, paddling on, slowly but surely. Paddle on!

You're not alone!

You need to develop your whole being to a state where you are a force all by yourself regardless but with someone else you become a movement. They become a bonus, a bonus that adds the extra Sss to your happiness.

You're good all by yourself but Together you're a force!

Find that balance, it is not an easy thing to do but when you do, life becomes easier and don’t be too busy building a brick wall and forget to let people in. Remember bricks hurt people.

They can be your Happy…. ain’t nothing wrong with that!

Till then

Xoxo

Life Happens

Sometimes life happens and you just can’t lay a finger on what really happened.

Sometimes we think we know everything. We think we have this thing called life all figured out and in the twinkle of an eye the magic carpet is drawn from underneath us and we lose our balance. The plot thickens and the map becomes eligible. Where do we go from here?!

You’re young, free and wild and you live everyday like it’s the summer holiday. Not a care in the world and by the time you know it, Life hits you. It hits like a b*tch right on the place where it hurts. One minute everything was going as planned, and the next it’s like you’re going through a turbulent roller-coaster. What actually changed?

That Almost Perfect life... *SIGH*

You thought of this life, this life that is full of hopes, dreams and all good things that ever existed. You dreamt of the ideal job and perfect husband. The big house by the seaside and 5 kids running around in the back garden, dog and cat playing in harmony and you dreamt and dreamt. You dreamt of a life of abundance, bliss and lavish and a life of no worries.

 HOPES & DREAMS & ASPIRATION, hold on to that...

But you wake up one morning and things are never the same. You start to fight to recognize who you are. You struggle to find the next step. You lost sight of everything that once seemed so clear. Dreams start to look like nightmare and the life you have dreamt of for so long seems like a mere fairy tale from your favorite childhood movie. Life appears to be stagnant! 

Did you just stopped Dreaming?! How dare you!

However, you continue to dream, continue to wish and never once in your life stop to be the dreamer. No matter what anyone says. No matter how long it takes.Dream as much as you can but back those dreams with action.

In the midst of that stagnant situation, life happens. Life happens and we find ourselves. Yes the life you've dreamt of, the ideal life you imagined and the life everyone called a mere fairy tale happened all of a sudden. Sometimes we just need to be still to regain the lost plot. We need to be still to be able to listen we need to be still to hear the still small voice.

Right in the middle of all the shattered dreams, fading hopes and vanishing aspirations, we learn life’s valuable lessons. We learn the essence of patience, persistence, hard work, hope, trust and the art of believing and finding happiness in every situation life presents.

Above all we learn to trust God more and lean not on our own understanding. We learn to trust God’s timing, we learn and we learn and we learn. We start to look at life through a different lens. We gain a clearer vision and become a better person with a new meaning for life. You become a dreamer with a vision.

PROVERBS 3: 5-6

People tell me I am looking for a fairy tale kind of love, a fairy tale life but what they don’t understand is I am a dreamer in search of a dreamer and one day I am going to wake up next to my dreamer. Only a dreamer knows the heart of a dreamer. They say I wish for fairy tale but I only wish for what my heart desires, and so should you.

I believe in magic. I believe in miracles. I believe because there are immeasurable reasons for us to believe when I venture to open my eyes and look around. Think about the trees that flourish with no one to care for them and the sun shining every day but rarely appreciated. Imagine the rainbow and the clouds, even the wind and the stars. Tell me why I shouldn't believe in magic, miracles and my dreams.

Till you get what is it you're finding, don't settle...

What if you didn't get the life you dreamt of? What if things haven’t gone the way you dreamt it? So what?! Life goes on. Life continues to roll beautifully just make sure you set time apart to see the beauty in every passing second – as hard as this might be.

Have the COURAGE to continue dreaming...

Don’t dim the light. Never stop dreaming. Continue to fuel your dream. Never lose hope. Once there is life, there is this thing called hope. You’re going to wake up one day living that dream you have dreamt like forever. You’re going to be experiencing the life that the non-dreamers said was just a fairy tale.

Never Lose Sight Of HOPE...

This is the big wide world. Shake off those ridiculous rules you set for yourself and take your happiness seriously. Walk away from anything that refuses to plaster a smile on your soul. Your happiness is serious business.

Believe. STAND IN A POSITION OF STRENGTH and not of insecurity and fear. Stand strong and firm and remember that even miracles and dreams take a little time. 

........and baby you just have to be patient.

There is always something to smile about if only we take the time to look around.

With that i will leave you with my favorite Scott Fitzgerald quote.

Believe. Dream. Hope. Aspire.

Till then

xoxo