Chronicles of a Granny Pekin – Growing up African

It is my grandmother’s birthday today. She is 82. I love this woman. She is the Maya to my Angelou. She is the anchor in my wild sea. She is my conscience to the destructive voice. She is the reason I want to be a better me. She is the reason I fight. If there was one person I was scared to let down, that would be my Grandma Ola. 

She is the reason…full stop!

She is a huge part of my life and anyone that knows Doris, knows Grandma Ola. So it is only right I dig up some sweet memories of the time we spent together back in Sierra Leone.

I grew up with my grandmother in Sierra Leone where we lived in a traditional colonial–era board house at Campbell Street. Everything I did was a reflection of my granny, even up to this day, consequently I was labelled granny pekin…especially in school.

Yup... I am a certified and bonafide granny pekin.

Grandma Ola is strict. She has a no nonsense streak about her that is not to be messed with. (Even our mothers don’t mess with her) She is a true disciplinarian and will stop at nothing. She is kind, honest and genuine. She is the definition of what you see is what you get. No hidden layers. Her facial expressions doesn't lie.

Virtuous Woman

As stern as she is, she is the most caring and loving woman I know. She is compassionate and a mother to all. She is packed with a wealth of wisdom which I admire. My granny is a virtuous woman. How someone so stern can be so loving and caring at the same time is actually a very powerful thing in my books.

In my early childhood, our parents left my brother and I at the mercy of our grandmother who we got to know too well after we started living with her. We thought it was a holiday until she took off the Mrs Nice guy cap and wore the captain’s hat. You know what they say, come stay with me and come visit me are two completely different things. Too right!

Boakai, my brother and I never saw what was to come. I was the quiet one and my brother well … he was more than a handful. To the point that people doubted in school if we both were related. I was quiet in comparison to my rebellious brother but I had my own share of stubbornness which wasn’t tolerated or encouraged by my grandmother.

Boakai & I on my 10th Birthday.
check my hat out - Granny pekin certified

We were provided with everything we needed but rudeness and disrespect was never tolerated. I was an ill child but that didn’t stop her from plastering few slaps across my face when I stepped out of line. The cane for my brother is normally soaked in water for days in order to increase the elasticity. When that registers on your skin…Only God can save you.

In that small board house, we lived comfortably and amicably. Even though it was crowded. I think the crowdedness got us to appreciate the little holes in the walls which we referred to as our air conditioner because I tell you…nights were sticky and hot! But guess what that taught us….contentment.

I had friends who were staying in bigger and better houses but not once did I recall me wanting to live in their houses. My granny never made us feel like we were missing out on anything.

Together with my other cousins, we all lived in this crowded board house where the bath and toilet were outside. So let me tell you now, if you need to do your business, you better do it right before the doors were bolted with several padlocks and blocked with mortar and pestle. (To prevent thieves…apparently) 

When that door closes, nothing opens it. To this very day I can tell you that I wee before bed and that’s a must and I never get up during the night. There are various types of disciplines but that was bladder discipline at its finest!

Have you ever taken a bath outside, under a running tap? Then you must add that to your bucket list. Bath time is an event in our household. My granny has zero tolerance towards bad body odour. Armpits were layered with lime and left to marinate for few minutes and the teeth is first scrubbed with charcoal before you can use your toothpaste and brush. There I learnt that my tongue is pink and not white! 

The Real MVP on them toes

This is done every Saturday as she tends to leave us during the week to do our little thing we do that we call bathing but in her books it’s rinsing. You don’t know squeaky clean until she has scrubbed you head to toe with the strongest scrub ever and your toes brushed with the ever-so-strong scrubbing brush.

After that all there’s left to do is sleep!  Now that was our lesson in cleanliness!

Saturdays are cleaning Saturday without fail and without questioning. The house must be swept, dusted, wiped and our little bath outside must be scrubbed and the gutter cleaned and the bins taken out. No hoovers!

Then you have the cooking chores where we help with the cooking preparations. No blenders or grinders. We used the mortar and pestle and the grinding stone to get things done. We had a stove but that was only used as an emergency option therefore that was a luxury. So Three-stone wood-fired stove it was.

Where the magic happened

We all thought this woman liked working for no reason and there were no happy faces around, just mere frowns and murmurs and when she sees that frown she will ask you to fix your face before she fixes it for you. Trust me, you do not want her to fix your face (more like dismantle)

As for the murmurs…when asked to repeat what we just said, we lie and say we weren’t talking to you. Yes you have to lie at this point to save your jawbones and teeth because they will all go flying and calling for help when that slap registers.

Now that taught us the importance of hard work.

Sundays were to stew as Saturdays were to foo-foo and Saturday soup, okra and the likes. Now the only problem is I love my cassava leaves and that Sunday stew was becoming my nightmare. I hated it but do I dare tell my grandmother? Nope…I swallow it like it’s my Sunday best. After which we all sit and listen to Bongo, a Sierra Leone radio comedy show. No TV!

I can tell you that I am a world class human dishwasher. When asked to wash dishes and bowls and kitchen utensils they all have to pass my grandma’s approval. If not then I’m sorry but you’re going to do it until you do it right….cheerfully too. Glasses and tumblers must be so clean that the water must not be seen dripping in layers...it should flow. Plates squeaky clean and bowls no sign of oil or smell from cooking ingredients. Her face must be seen in the reflection of the spoons. This taught us lesson on doing something well or don’t do it at all.

She instilled in us the importance of knowing God and being in the house of the Lord. Sundays were set aside for church. Period! If we couldn’t make it to church we prayed together and I can recite a lot of psalms in the bible. Psalms 23, 91, 123, 100 and more. As for the songs…don’t try me. Hehe. In everything in life, my grandmother encouraged us to pray about it first. This taught us to be grateful and never take things for granted.

My granny taught us simple courtesies, like serving tea and drinks with a saucer (I don’t see that these days) and waiting for the glass if need be. The please and thank you must never go unsaid. She taught us the eye language which she used anywhere and any day. That eye is your cue to stop whatever rudeness you’re up to, get your life together and register it in your brain that you’re about to have the whooping of a lifetime when you get home. That eye really does spoil your day…it’s like a warning of what is to come.

Still Magic...

When you get home, prepare yourself mentally because the slap or the whooping can happen anytime, yea even in your sleep. You’ll be there thinking you’re dreaming, no darling your being whooped for that misbehaviour.

After that she will then explain to you that it is for your own good and that you’ll thank her later. (Am I thanking her now…hmm I’m not sure man, I’m not sure. Lool) at that very moment, those words are not what you want to hear so your anger level rockets. But you have to sit still, keep a very broad smile on your face and nod accordingly. Now that was respect!

At school I never show up at all the parties. I wasn’t allowed. My friends know this. If I am invited somewhere and want to go, I must earn it. I mean all my house chores must be done and everywhere clean and tidy. I must be on my best behaviour all week and there was no room for errors because one mistake could mean I won’t be going to any social function and guess what, I can’t fight that decision. It’s final! 

And I had curfew too...which was 10pm! Imagine when the party starts, Doris is heading home.

Chronicles of a granny pekin!

Once I was invited to my friend’s birthday party, I gave my grandmother 3 weeks’ notice and a daily weekly reminder. I was the nicest grandchild that month. I did all I was told to do, came back home on time from school and my smile was exceptionally cheesy and bright. Yes all for an answer to this birthday party.

So the day came, I woke up earlier than usual and I did all I had to do. Scrub my mouth and greeted my grandmother good morning, (yes you weren’t allowed to say good morning with a smelly overnight mouth.) and she asked why are you up so early, I replied, no reason with the gummiest smile ever. But my granny is no fool, she knew what was up. She piled more chores on me and diligently I carried all out. All for a party. I really wanted to go so I had no choice.

It was approaching 4pm when I started getting dressed slowly and her reaction nearly gave me a heart attack. She was like where do you think you’re going? (The eyes came out too.)

To which I replied, the party I told you about, my friend’s birthday. I said you promised I could go if I did all my house chores. (Her head did a U-turn and the eyes changed again only this time she squinted it as if she was trying to see if I’m ok in the head, her body did a little vibration) she went quiet and I nearly peed my pants (yep, an African parent’s promise holds no guarantee.) she did this thing where her breathing goes with her eyes and she tilted her screw face at me and I tell ya my eyes started running water (because I wasn’t sure if I was crying or just fearing for my life at this point)

She leaned forward and whispered calmly, take that clothes off, you’re going nowhere. I nearly collapsed. My heart sunk and now I started shedding real tears like I lost my dog.

Tremulously I said but you promised! It was after I uttered the words that I wondered where I summoned that bravery from. I quickly recollected myself and my face flushed with regret.

She was walking away when she stopped dead in her tracks and gave me the eye one more time. That was to say I am finished with you.

Few minutes later after I was done crying, I was in a corner sulking when she walked in on me with a plate of biscuits and a pint of Vimto (she knew Vimto was my favourite) and she was like, why would you want to go out? You don’t want to keep my company? Is it for the food or the drink? Then she offered me the plate and the Vimto while saying if it is for the food, here you go eat or the drink, take this cold Vimto and drink. Oh wait the music? She went on and put the radio on with a smile on her face.

I can’t say I didn’t laugh, I laughed (because that’s what you do) but I was still upset. I went to school the next day and faced the most dreaded question…why weren’t you at the party? They all knew the answer so I thought to just say it one more time. My grandma said I wasn’t allowed and the tales of what I missed started rolling out.

That was my life…I wasn’t allowed to show up at every occasion. And to this day I choose where I go because once upon a time, granny said ‘’you don’t have to show up everywhere.’’

Boys were more scared of my grandma than they were of my dogs...and we had lots of dogs.

It wasn't easy.

We are such a large family but my grandmother is the cotton tree. She keeps everyone grounded and everything centred. No matter how angry or stubborn you are when she intervenes, she will solve it with her carefully selected words of wisdom, you tend to see things in different perspective and with a large family, you learn that it is not always about you. Grandma Ola taught us family values and up to this day we are a closed knitted family despite everything. 

Family is all we’ve got.

She showed no favouritism towards anyone. We were all equal in her eyes. We were rewarded for good behaviour and good grades in school as she always emphasises the importance of education. Rose Apple was our favourite treat which was divided into four pieces and shared amongst us.

She taught us the true meaning of love. My grandmother loves me endlessly. There are things I question in my life but one thing I will never question is her love for me. She expresses her love at every given opportunity. She will check that I have enough to eat and drink at all times. She will make sure my clothes on my back are clean, hair braided and I smell good. She knows when I am about to fall ill, she is observant, attentive and always present. She will stand up for us when need be and never allow anyone to take advantage of us…not even our mothers.

Up to this day, her love for me still stands strong. She will call up and check on me regularly, ask if I’m keeping warm, visit me in the hospital and she never fails to leave half of her sandwich for me from her breakfast every Sunday. She will always have her scarf ready to hand me when I’m cold.

A love like that…. Unconditional and incomparable.

My grandma taught me how to bridle my tongue. To this present day, I do not swear at no one. I’m not saying I am a saint, I do use the words every now and again because I am rebellious like that but I do not swear at people. Never! In my grandma’s eyes, that was a no go! No compromise and no excuses. She was a disciplinarian but she never believed in vulgarity. This taught us the importance of words and the effect it has on people. The tongue is a powerful weapon.

As a granny of creole descendant, Grandma Ola communicated mostly in parables and I must say I learnt because there are few parables I can’t decipher. Yup, chronicles of a granny pekin.

We later moved to my grandmother’s newly built three-storey concrete house where we were living it up large. From oven to washing machine to hoovers and microwave...it was fully furnished and equipped. No more bath outside…YAY! Yea I was happy because I was getting to that age where I needed my privacy but my grandmother didn’t think so though…lol In an African household, you’re forever a child….regardless!

We came from humble beginnings which helped shape and mould our characters. Today I am a content and happy girl, seen it all. Been there done that and I won’t change a thing. (Maybe reverse some of the whoopings….yea!)

My childhood was great and I never felt like I missed anything. All I needed, was provided. Today, Material things do not move me but a good character in a person entices me and I do not value material things over people. Yea all thanks to my grandmother.

My foundation was solid for that I am grateful. I am implementing all these values in my daily life and I am ever so grateful for such upbringing.

If this is what they mean when they labelled me granny pekin…then I gladly claim the title.

I haven’t turned out too bad….hehe

And more importantly, my grandmother approves and that’s all that matters.  (She’s only waiting on the great grand kids now)

And I will pass these values on to them….by God’s grace!

Unconditional Love

Grandma Ola I wish you many more years to come in good health because at this stage in your life, all you need is more years in good health. I love you and I love you.

Till then

Xoxo

10 Seriously Insane and Ridiculous Trendy Craze in 2015

1. Over juicing and over grinding –  I think 90% of us own a juicer or a smoothie machine as I am penning this and the rest are just waiting for it to go on sale. We are all about that eat clean and get lean life, which is great, don’t get me wrong. We grind and smash everything in the way. From nuts to kale to spinach, you name it and everything is organic. Can I just confess that I didn't know what kale was till 2015? Well we thank God. The year of enlightenment and the organics!

The Year Of The Organics

Now whether it is for health purpose or solely for the sake of joining the charade, I guess we will never find out. Yep 2015, we’re all about that herbal life. How is it going for ya?!



2. And along came the words that do not make sense at all but strangely they somehow do work. On Fleek…which basically refers to the quality of something, the level of perfection and correctness. Yassss which is the emphatic endorsement of something, when you say yassss, that’s you putting your stamp of approval on something. Doll which is a term of endearment used to refer to an attractive female, this is surprising mainly used by girls. So yea…we went all crazy with these slangs and it didn't stop there, there’s litt, Basic, Bae and ratchet. Let's not forget the hash-tag over-usage. I blame the Americans!

The Only Bae I Know Is Bacon & eggs

3. Eyebrows – it’s as if we have just discovered eyebrows. Like what did we do back then when it was just some stray pieces of hair above our eyes? Now we have numerous shapes and sizes, frames and lengths, shades and tones…some are even in High Definition. I must say we’ve all gone through our Nike days where the left eyebrow would be doing the Azonto and the right is doing the Harlem shake. On some days, the eyebrows will be looking like they’re about to take flight. It’s almost like an art now. No shame in our game, brow game too strong!

The Power Of Eyebrows!

4. And this make up madness is slowly taking over our lives… the contour, the highlights, the 50 shades lippies, the blushers, the lash lengthening mascaras, the lashes, the concealers... ayeeee! They’re not even cheap but we will stop at nothing to get close to perfection. Yes that is the problem, perfection. We are obsessed with perfection which is never attainable. Never. Sometimes the transformation almost resembles a miracle. I can confidently say, in 2015 we took our make-up technique to another whole new level. The level of perfection!

There Are Levels To This Thing...

5. The Brown coat and the prestige floppy beach hat facade- Now this had me laughing because it’s funny what a brown or fawn coat and a floppy hat can do for one’s esteem. I do not say this lightly when I say girls seriously behave differently when they’re in the above attire. We walk like we inhale flavoured air and you can’t tell us nothing. I knew it was getting extremely mental when we walked into a night club the other night and 80% of the girls were actually in their brown coats, I was confused. So you’re going to boogie the night away in that hot stuff?! So what is it about this floppy hat and waterfront coat that leave girls feeling like a million dollars? I blame Kim Kardashian.

6. Waist trainers – again this had me bawling with laughter. The video tutorials are pure comedy, not to talk of the pictures. They look like they are about to pass out. It does look super uncomfortable as well and even to crack a smile is a real effort. It resembles pain and I know what pain looks like. I am not bashing the waist trainers all I am saying is there are easier ways. Why take the stairs when there is an elevator. Let’s invest in healthy eating habits as opposed to waiting till the problem becomes a mountain. But 2015 brought out the waist trainers and they are hilarious. Genuine question, do they work? Is it just a temporary fix? Ok bye…

Compressed to the gods and back!

7. Beautiful soul - Beautiful in and out. R E A L L Y?! Over usage never sounded so positive! I have a thing now where I count how many ‘’beautiful soul’’ and ‘’beautiful in and out’’ I see for the day on social media….especially on the birthday shout outs. Again I am not bashing the beautiful souls. I’m just here clapping and chewing my popcorn whilst thanking God that we’re all beautiful souls and beautiful in and out in 2015. Please take it into 2016. I need to know how I can be one though. I missed the memo on this one. hehe



8. Netflix and chill – Well in layman’s terms, this simply means, drink alcoholic beverage, hangout and have sex. The mildest term ever used to command sex. This is the term we carefully carved in 2015 which informs the other party that there would be sex involved by the end of the night after the consumption of some cheap alcohol and hangout.  Netflix and chill….Isn’t it funny that the term that screams everything about movies involves everything but watching a movie? We are a very crafty and creative generation. The movie will probably be on for decoration and background music while the sexual escapades take place. Yes, in 2015 we mastered the art of Netflix and chill. Let’s Marvin Gaye and get it on…

The Beginning Of The End

9. Beard Gang– One question though, just like girls discovered eyebrows, have you guys just discovered beards too? Someone must have lied to these guys that all girls love beards. I don’t! I really don’t! And I am a girl. So stop putting glitters on ya beards and acting like I’ll overlook everything else just because you’ve got a beard. It even feels weird writing this. However, some of you guys do serve ferociously and y’all be looking like something edible. We are girls and we are all individuals therefore we are all attracted to different things. Ya heard?! Mr Beard man!

Someone Please Stop Them

10.  Finally in 2015, we specialised in gibberish. I can’t. I just can’t. Dead. I'm weak. My heart can’t. I have no words. - Eerrmm excuse me. Are you ok there, cat got your tongue? What happened to your vocabulary? The funniest one is when you hear girls giving senseless compliments and all they’ll say is ‘’babe you look so... I can’t even, like I just can’t babe.’’  I am just here wondering what kind of pointless compliment is that?  Why are we so lazy? Can we just get it together? Please and thank you.

Ok…phew. I must admit this was fun writing and I hope you have as much fun reading it too. Don’t take it personal. I do some of the stuff mentioned above too and for that I am just as weird and crazy as you all.


So what now? Do we wave bye to these and create new ones? Or we’re carrying them over to 2016?


I am just excited to see the new 2016 trends. They keep getting weird and weirder. Either way, I'm ready.


Stay weird. Normal is no fun.




Till then


Xoxo

She is your Once Upon A Time …

She looked at you like the sun, the moon and adored you like a priced possession. She spoke proudly of you but she can hardly say the same for you.

She saw a man, a teacher, her prince charming, a motivator and her best friend. She was enveloped in you and engulfed in all the madness you came with and nothing else made sense.

But one thing was for sure…she had hope and she was a patient woman. Patiently hoping that one day you’ll change. Hoping one day you’ll be the man that she wants you to be. Hoping one day you will give her the love that she deserves but little did she know that you can’t save a man from himself. 

Sometimes you have to walk.

Sometimes You Have To Walk

She saw what no one ever saw in you. Not that she couldn’t get any man but she chose you day after day, the only difference was you didn’t choose her. She was constantly looking for angels in demons and that was her problem.

All she ever did was love you, loved you faultlessly and tirelessly but you treated her like she was ordinary. She was there for you, she was your greatest fan even when you looked upon her like a groupie.

You gave her sleepless nights in exchange, tears-filled day dreams, you trampled her trust and you rained abuses on her, emotional abuses, constant torture and emotional turmoil. She didn’t deserve none of it, no one does.

Day after day, she gave you her all. Night after night she was there to put a smile on your face….months after months she held on even tighter even when all you threw at her was dirt.

In the pursuit of being the woman for you, she learnt your language, memorized your favourite song and learnt your favourite recipe. She danced to your ugly tunes even when it was hard to find a rhythm.

Your time was all she wanted. She never once asked you for the world...yet you deprived her of everything. In your absence she defended you, People said you were no good but she grew deaf ears. I guess that’s what happens when you love someone right? Yet still she never gave up.

She did stupid things to catch your attention and with every passing day, she tried to make herself better. She tried to be the best she can because you made her feel like she wasn’t good enough.

She betrayed herself so she could be loyal to you, deprived herself so she could be all you wanted her to be even though she didn’t know how to be the woman you wanted. She tried, daily she tried!

Your indecent behaviour was like a sharp-edged tool which took a dig at her self-esteem day after day…one hurt at time. Making her question her self-worth.

You are the kind of man our mothers warned us against.

You pushed her, my god did you push her. How much can a single soul embody?!

How Much Can A Single Soul Embody?

She was a good woman and she deserved way better, and you knew it but the boy in you couldn’t help but to destroy a good thing.

A good thing given to someone who is not ready for it will never serve its purpose. She was too good for you and that was the problem.

You just couldn't recognise a gem when you have one in your possession so you treated it like any invaluable. The boy in you didn’t know that precious stones don’t always come to people like that. The boy in you was immature to handle it all and so you crushed it.

Or maybe

You thought she’ll be around forever and she will never grow wings to fly.

Don’t underestimate the willpower of a tired woman. She was tired and all the women in her was tired.

You exhausted her last fibre of strength.

But one thing you didn't know was that anything being pushed against the wall so much will eventually bounce back and when they do they will cease to be the favourite toy that you loved to toy with so much.

Making you happy was becoming unaffordable to her. She couldn’t afford you any more. You were costing her, her own happiness.  Holding on was doing more harm than good. True strength is not always about how long you can hold on, she learnt that a greater strength is found in letting go.

So she did

She collected her thoughts. Shook off your disrespect and disregard for her. Packed her bags. Adjusted her crown and wiped her tears. She puts one foot in front of the other …and away she went and she never looked back.

Eventually the ''fool'' wakes up.  

She thought enough is enough and she decide to love herself better. She realised she was worth more. She realised that love doesn’t have to hurt. She came up for fresh air and realised she’s been suffocating the whole time. She needed it, more than ever she needed a breath of fresh air.

You still didn’t realised you've lost a good thing because you were just a boy.

But years later, as we all know you always come back.

You started seeing her with someone else. She has a smile you never gave to her. A spring in her steps you’ve never seen in her. She looked beautiful now because you’ve never actually took the time to look at her. She is happy and you’re there wondering where you went wrong.

Her Smile Is Brighter...

She makes someone else really happy now and you started wishing it was you. She wakes up next to someone who knows what he got when he has it. He treats her like she’s golden. And you’re there turning green with jealousy.

And then It hit you…it hit you hard that this whole time, you loved her but you just didn’t know how to.

Why do guys have to wait till they lose something before they realise its worth?

Now you’re begging to come back. Nonstop phone calls. Emails and texts. Trying to distract her from the good. Trying hard to pave your way cunningly with tails between your legs.

It’s a little too late

She is ignoring you. And now it’s easy. It became even easier when flashes of the pain you caused her came to her in waves and she remembered how she almost drowned trying to save a man from himself.

She is in a better place now. A heaven you never created for her.

Moreover she knows better now. She’s being treated with respect and care and being showered with the love she deserves. Her mind have been stretched and she’s not going back. She has no urge to.

You’re there telling people about her. Her love was so great it turned you into a story teller.

Yes, the love of a good woman misplaced will turn you into a story teller. She is now your once upon a time. She is the love you had but let get away and you just can’t shut up about her.

You can’t finish your favourite beer because thoughts of her flood your mind. You just can’t stop talking about her. You can hear her laughter and you remembered how she stood by you even though you never once glanced at her.

All the other women don’t even matter no more, you just want her but she is gone.

You quiver and shake and whisper her name in your sleep like a fervent prayer but she’s gone.

Wallowing In Regrets...

Now you realise you've lost a good thing and you wish you were the one to make her that happy. This is the moment you realised you messed up.

You had your chance remember? She waited on you to do right by her. But you blew every single chance she ever gave you. She was right there with you while you looked at other women. She made you the centre of her world while you held her with a pinch of salt.

Always looking for the next best thing. Here’s the thing about always looking for the next best thing, even if you did find it you’ll still never be satisfied because you’re still searching for the next best thing.

And all she ever asked was for you to see her but you gave her bundles of sorrows, wreathe with endless heart aches.

What’s a girl to do?

How I see it, the only mistake was that she gave you everything she had without making sure you wanted it.

‘’Why is love intensified by absence?’’

The ever sure lesson remain that anything we take for granted gets taken away. And she was no exception.

The worst thing ever to happen to a man is to drag a good woman in the dirt so much that she start looking at you like you’re ordinary when once upon a time she looked at you like you were the sun.

She Used To Look At You Like The Galaxy

‘’The most haunting moment, I believe
is when love turns into a memory.’’

Till next time

Xoxo

Complementary Not Completion

This one is for my ladies… Can we just get it together?

Let's Get It Together

‘’There are things I want to do. Places I want to see. Cultures I want to explore. Sunsets I want to experience and sunrises I want to wallow in but….

I am going to wait till the love of my life gets here. I will hold on till Mr right knocks. I will pause my life till my knight in shining armour appears. My whole being shall be on recess. I shall not be moved!’’

Just stop right there…. And I am here to beg you to moooove!

You Are Not a Rock...MOVE

How alarming it is to see young and capable ladies putting their lives on hold for love. They waste days and nights looking for life partners, months and years yearning for their soul mates. Only to realise few years down the line when it’s a little too late that Love finds you.

I believe in self-development, self-care and self-love. Let it be in your make up. Live it and let it be your truth.

Exhibit it so loud that it’ll separate the sheep from the wolves. So loud that your fears and insecurities are laid to rest. You know what they say, you set the standard of how people are meant to treat you. You set the standard of how people are meant to love you.

Ultimately…It all begins with you.

Yep You!

You want to eat in that plush restaurant but you want Mr Right to take you there, you want to go watch that movie but you need a guy to accompany you, basically you want to get your life together but you’re waiting on Mr Right.

Sister…get it together!

Mr Right will come but first…

You’ll need to stop being the devil’s workshop and get busy. You will need to set your house in order, you've got to develop your inner man and when you've grown to be your own person, you’ll need to be unapologetically you.

You’ll have to know who you are as a person. Find yourself while you’re single. I am not saying your life should be perfect for you to get a Mr right but relationship is hard work so knowing who you are makes the workload a tad easier. If you don’t know who you are, chances are you will easily get lost in someone else.

Many a times we want someone to love we for who we are but deep down we do not even know who we are or what we want.

If you go into the relationship as a burden, you’ll break its back before it even set off to the stage of walking. Refuse to be that needy girl.

Don't Be That Girl

So I ask you...

How are you going to present yourself to him? How are you going to introduce yourself to him? You want him to love you for you but who are you again? Do you even know?

The truth is even if Mr Right comes in all his glory and you’re in the wrong place in your life, he will still not be your Mr right. This is called a misplaced opportunity.

Don’t be that person.

Believe it or not, the woman who’s on her grind, fixing her life, living fully and not waiting on no validation is more attractive than that bum sitting at home waiting for Mr right to buy her that red bottoms.

Likewise, A finely built house on the market is often more expensive and more marketable than an unfinished and tattered house. Simply because it holds more value because the owner has spent time and energy into making it that way.

Your being is your temple and you are the architect, put in the work. Make it beautiful. Make it interesting.

A Relationship involves two people working towards a common goal not one man financing the needs of a needy and desperate girl. A relationship is not a guy with a net ready to rescue the other party from unhappiness. A relationship is not the answer to all your problems.

A Relationship Is Two People Working Together
Towards A Common Goal

People who often wait around for Mr Right expect too much. And when those needs are not met, they say he was a failure but how did you contribute towards that failed relationship? Why were your expectations so high? Why did you think he will be your endless supply of happiness while you put in zero efforts? Why did you think he will be your all time high?

Get real.

Are you looking for a partner or a saviour?

Again I say be unapologetically you so much that when that knight in shining armour makes an appearance even if he loves you less on some days, you’ll still be you and you won’t be any less of a person.

When a man finds you in that form, you leave him with no choice but to treat you with the love and respect you’ve already been showering on yourself.  He will stand up to be the man that you need him to be which is the man that would love, respect and adore you if he doesn’t then he has no place in your temple, no place in your life and kindly be unafraid to show him the exit and continue to stay fabulous.

He should meet you in all your elements…doing great things for yourself, enjoying life to its fullest and relishing each moment of now. He should take off where you left off. He should complement your being and not complete you.

Don’t waste your time on earth waiting on your full stop. Look within. God has given you all you need to succeed in this world you just need to recognise and act accordingly.

Don’t lose sight of who you are. You’re packed with greatness and awesomeness. Walk with your head high and exude all the elements of greatness you were created with like excellence, grace, elegance, happiness, contentment, confidence and more.

You’re so much more. If only you know baby girl.

No Apologies 'round here.

However, it is not wrong to desire a man, it is not foolish to want someone to share your life with and it is not settling to wish you had someone to experience certain things with you but don’t put your life on hold.

Remember you might not have all your shit together but with all your flaws and imperfections you are still complete. You are the package!

You should be great all by yourself so when Mr Right comes, you’ll be a force. You’re good all by yourself but with the right guy you should be better. You’re strong all by yourself but with the right one you should be stronger. You should be happy but with the right guy you should be happier.

Why?

Because the right people brings out the best in you...even on bad days and the days you find it hard to smile. The best people inspire you to do better. Basically whatever they bring to the table should add to you and not take away from what you’ve already built.

Don’t stay in the dumps and expect your prince charming to come rescue you from the debris of your senselessness.

You are your own person first before you can be someone else’s.

So I say to you...

Go on that trip, dine at the finest restaurants, treat yourself, be happy, date yourself, travel wide and far, keep smiling, be unapologetically you, trust your dopeness, be alone with your thoughts, dance, buy the shoes, go on that spa date, stay on your grind, don’t wait on weekends, pay your bills, be unbothered, take up a hobby, go to the movies and buy your own popcorn, validate yourself, be kind, laugh at yourself, live, be thoughtful, pray and slay!

Who knows, during this course, Mr Right might just walk in.

Stay Fabulous!

Stay fabulous my ladies!

Till then…

Xoxo