''If You Want To Be Interesting, Be Interested''

I see the complaints. The forests and the shades. I read the hints and I sense the hurt. I hear the grunts and the moans. You’re fed up that your charm isn’t pulling the world towards you as it ought to. You’re doing all this because the world isn’t gravitating towards you as you think it should.

Ha!

But Guess what? Nothing works until you start to work.

Nothing will change until you start to make moves.

Nothing …absolutely nothing will change.

People out here do not owe you anything and neither does the world.

You owe everything to yourself.

Can I get real …real with you real quick?

Grow up!

One of my favourite quotes from Dale Carnegie.

‘‘If You Want To Be interesting,

 Be Interested!’’

There is nothing you’re doing that is so special that haven’t been done yet. There is nothing about you that will pull and gravitate the whole world towards if you’re not pulling your weight. You have to put in the work. Every single day. 

You have to make a conscious effort to show up!

Yes you’re special but honey…not that special.

Why would I leave someone who shows a genuine interest in me for someone who rests on their laurels and expect everything to come to them?

Why? Just why?

Let’s take this social media for example. You rant and rant that no one is liking your stuff or showing interest in your work. You throw tantrums that people pay you no attention. You throw a hissy fit for all the things you think people are doing wrong.

But what are you doing wrong?

But let me give you a mirror real quick.

Do you pay people attention at all?

How’s your level of tolerance and height of humility?

Do you go out of your way to give people a listening ear?

Are you always slamming and shaming people?

What do you normally talk about- just yourself?

How loud is your negativity?

Do you show interest in other people at all and their work?

How’s your level of activity?

Do you have an open mind or is it your way or the high way?

Do you lift people up?

If you have no time for people, they have no time for you either.

I have seen people take over timelines with the utmost arrogance and an inconsiderate flare of tactlessness when they have something new that they need people to pay attention to. They expect people to drop everything they’re doing and support them.

You post a picture and expects the whole world to be shook.

Why sir? Why ma’am?

Do you take time to visit other profiles and show interest? Like a picture or two, throw a comment or two?

See, you flooding my timeline or sending numerous messages asking for attention will never gain you a genuine and long lasting support.

Such confidence is illegal my friend.

You cannot force people to be interested in you, you have to earn it. You have to show them that you’re worth their time.

Where were you when they needed a like to round it up to a nice 11? Where were you when they needed a share, a pair of reading eyes or a comment?

If you want to be interesting, there’s only one way out…

Focus on being interested rather than being interesting.

In life, it’s not always about you.

Pay attention to people. Listen. Read. Comment. Ask genuine questions and participate. Go out of your comfort zone and have an open mind. Wake up early. Show up. Make an effort. Dare to understand. Be present. Aim to be interesting. Congratulate people. Celebrate others. Check on them. Be curious. Follow up. Find a common ground. Be committed. Care. Show concern. Talk. Network and be sociable.

Successful business people know their audiences and they understand the importance of winning loyalties. Put more energy into understanding people and building relationships before polluting them.

No one likes the guy that pollutes.

This applies to everything in life, in you relationships, academic institutes, family, social life and daily life – be interested.

You cannot influence people you haven’t taken the time to know. It’s almost impossible.

If you pay attention, everyone is interesting. It is a common and shallow mistake to think you’re the most interesting person in the room when you haven’t heard the stories of others. You want others to always be stroking your ego and showing up for you but you make zero effort towards them.

C’mon now…That’s boring.

You cannot be giving people 30% and expect 110% in return. Who are you again?!

You don’t make the effort to congratulate others but you like to be celebrated. You do not accept others but you want to be accepted. You’re not respectful and considerate of others but you want to be respected. You don’t support others but like to be supported. You don’t talk to people but you want them to ask you questions.

Hmmm how’s that working for you?!

Look here…no one is scared of you.

Whatever you put out…you get in folds.

Be genuinely interested in others, make meaningful contribution and give quality time to others - watch how you’ll become an interesting personality- a person worth knowing.

Life is not always about you…step out of your comfort zone and burst out of your bubble. You’ll be surprised at what you will find.

Get out of your own way – don’t be the reason you struggle in this life.

Be voraciously interested in life and people…you’ll in no time be the person everyone wants to know.

It’s a skill, acquire it.

We never stop learning...right?

Till then

Xoxo

The Almost Lover

Be mindful of the almost lover!

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He will put a smile on your face because he knows all your favourite things. He will come into your life, read the rules so he can break them and you won’t even know it.

He will give you uncontrollable laughter and moments that will have you smiling in public like a Cheshire cat and in your silent moments like a village idiot.

But he’s just an almost lover.

He is a dream, the dream. But do not forget nightmares are dreams too.

He will say the right things but listen carefully because he will make no promises. His language will be casual just like what he is offering. He will be fluent in almosts.

He will be around but never around, pay attention. He will do the right things but just enough for him to keep you around. He likes having you around but never in. He thrives in almosts and his whole vibe is poison. That type our grandmothers warned us against and our mothers prayed against.

He will do just what will have you thinking you have a good one. Sister, you have nothing.

He will get you twisted into giving your all while he gets away with giving back so little. He will be committed but he can never claim you.

He enjoys the benefits of a relationship but doesn’t want to be in one. He will play house and play the part well. He is the busy guy that is full of excuses but when he is around, he is full of cloud nine feels.

He thinks he is God’s gift to humanity and will make you feel like you’re lucky to have him. He will set the boundaries and he will make the rules. He will want you.

But just because he wants you doesn’t mean he values you. At least not enough to call you his.

At least not enough...

He is the innocent looking guy, the devil in a blue suit, he is the disguise and the exact shade of wrong. He knows God and will have you thinking all sorts. He is a bag of illusion and a seller of dreams. He is Mr tall dark and handsome.

He will be everything you’ve ever wished for. He is capable of loving but he will not love you...he is just an almost lover.

He will show you that he cares but never enough to show that he loves you. He is crafty and clever, he will say so little with so much and your mind will play tricks on you.

And when you think you’re about to hit the next level, he subtly reminds you of the boundaries of what you are and what you’re not without saying a word.

The almost lover is not deceitful and tell no lies, he plays with your emotions and toys with your mind. He gives feels and leaves you in a shitload of assumptions. He is the type to tell you the grass is pink and you won’t even question it.

See… he tells you and you believe because common sense is gone. The ability to question what he offers and what he says is missing. Because he sold you a dream and you were a willing buyer.

We all know the grass is not pink and will never be pink…but you believed. He is not the problem. You are the problem.

He is just an almost lover.

Again, he makes the rules and lays the boundaries. He will act the part but never be the actual. He is Mr almost, the actor who specialises in confusion. If you let him, he’ll leave you confused and discombobulated.

Don’t fall for it. Run!

And if you have to ask him what are we...you’re actually nothing. Don’t wait around for him to decide if he wants you in his life or not. Don’t hang on to every crumb he’s feeding at the dinner table...get up from the table when you have that gut feeling that love is no longer in the menu.

Don’t allow fear to hold you back.

You might want to be angry and annoyed and disgusted with Mr almost lover but you shouldn’t be. He is not the problem.

You Allowed Him...You weren't naive,
He was just good at what he does.

I am going to be really harsh and say be angry and annoyed with yourself. You allowed him. You let him into your life. He overstayed. Took what he shouldn’t be taking and claimed things he wasn’t entitled to. You let him stay for so long. You let him break pieces in your house. You allowed him in and bought all the dreams that he sold so well.

See, he is a seller and will sell to any willing buyer. Unfortunately, you were one.

You weren’t naïve. He was just good at what he does which is being Mr Almost Lover.

He is the almost lover but you allowed him to be Mr almost lover in YOUR life. Everything he got away with, you let him.

You let him…hoping Mr almost lover would change to the one.

Ask questions…like heck ask them! Use your outdoor voice and demand what you want. If you’re unhappy about something, speak up. Don’t shrink yourself in the name of love. It is always better to know the truth than to swim in a lake of assumptions and dwell in a fool’s paradise pretending to be happy.

He likes you, he likes you a lot and might even be missing you but not enough to call you his woman. He will never choose you and you will never be a priority in his life. When he talks about the things he loves, he will never mention you and when he speaks of his future your name doesn’t come up.

It’s not there, was never there. You can’t make someone meet you at the bridge. You can give him the best directions, you can even hold his hands there but you can’t make him stay.

He is full of feels and tastes of what you can get but will never get with him. He is so honest it hurts and that was the problem. If he is honest enough to let you know what it is, why can’t you be good to yourself and honest with him and let him know how you feel instead of building a castle in a fool’s paradise?

Don’t lose yourself in the process of finding someone. You are magnificent and you are enough. You are someone’s answered prayers but the wrong focus can divert you from the right people and the right things.

If he doesn’t choose you, I want you to choose yourself and walk away. It is only the end of the world when you refuse to choose You.

You are worthy, worthy of a love that will stay. You deserve way more than Mr Almost Lover.

Life is short so fill it with people that want to stay with you. People that adores you and things that make you happy. Be courageous and start again if you must but at your own pace.

He is Mr Almost lover and that is his deficiency. His inability to love you wholly should never taint your crown. Or have you question yourself.

You have a lot of love to give but don’t waste it on the wrong person. You deserve a love that will claim you, want you and choose you.

You deserve a love that you don’t have to question. You deserve a love that will say yes to you each day without hesitation. A love that screams yes and not spills maybes. A love that will know what they have when they have you. That God kind.

It’s out there, do not settle for crumbs!

Till then

xoxo

She Can Be Wild And Holy

She is not yours to fix. She doesn't need fixing!

She’s a woman…truthfully so.

She’s a woman... authentically so.

She’s a woman... cosmically so.

She could be loud or quiet,

She might be skinny or fat,

She may be tall or short.

That’s the woman she is.

Embrace her – All of her

Or keep it moving!

We Come In All Shapes and colours and sizes

Some days she prefers to wear her skirt short and go bra less.

But that’s the woman she is.

Some days she like her shorts short,

Her heels high and her dress tight.

Other days she likes them loose and long and colourful.

But that’s who she is!

She creates and recreates herself daily.

The things she likes change daily.

The traits she loves keep changing

She evolves daily

She can choose to be a mum or not,

Married or unmarried.

She is no less of a woman

And that’s the woman she is

She doesn’t have to pick sides.

She can be holy and wild.

She can be Lauryn Hill on Monday

And Sinach on Friday.

She can dab to I know who I am on Sundays

And twerk like a pro.

She can shoki to Run town

And still be the baddest prayer warrior.

You don't Know her dark moments...
how can you tell her how to be?

She doesn’t have to choose.

She can be wild and holy

She can be both

And that’s the woman she is.

Whatever or whoever she chooses to be – that’s the woman she is.

She is not on this earth to conform to your standards.

She wasn’t born to wait on your validation.

She does not exist to massage your ego.

You do not have to understand her.

And that’s the woman she is!

She Doesn't Need Your Stamp Of Validation

She cries. Laughs. Endures.

Says ‘’I’m Okay’’ even when she’s not.

She sacrifices. Fails. Triumphs.

She lives on…

And you want to tell her how to be?!

You don’t carry that much authority.

It’s her life, her body and her struggles.

Leave her be the woman she is!

She Laughs...

She can be a fierce 9-5

Or she can be the whole damn 24hours.

She can be the raging farmer

She can be the dynamic mother

She can be a beast in the boardroom

She can be the quiet storm

She can be!

For that’s the woman she is!

Some days she prefers the longest weave.

Other days she loves to rock her natural hair.

Some days she chooses to go colourful

Other days she wants to wrap it all up – majestically.

One day she might just choose to apply a whole tub of perming cream on her crown.

But that’s the woman she is

And that doesn’t make her no less of her woman.

She Is What She Prefers...

You don’t get to label her for all the things she is

And the things she’s not.

She can be bad and bougie

She can be wild

She can be ratchet and bougie

Heck…

She doesn’t have to choose.

She can be anything she wants!

And that’s the woman she is!

She is a warrior and a creator

She is capable

She is art and a mountain mover

She is phenomenal

She is magic and a lightbulb

She is a home.

She is authentically that woman!

In heels Or Trainers...she is no less of a woman!

You don’t get to choose who she is. She decides.

Society don’t get to choose who she is. She decides.

Her peers don’t get to choose who she is. She decides.

Her parents don’t get to choose who she is. She decides.

The media don’t get to choose who she is.

She decides…

And that’s the woman she is!

She is the woman she is. And that is enough!

                                                       International Women’s Day!

Till then

Xoxo

Love is Bigger Than Valentine's Day

21 ways to spend Valentine’s Day this year

After the joys and excitement of the New Year is the month of February. The ever so over commercialized day lies in there, the day where the married ones are overly expectant and the ones in relationship and waiting are even more excited than those who are legally-bonded. And then there is the single ones…wallowing in self-pity and thinking they’re not worthy of love.

…thanks to our generation, the pressures of this age is killing us slowly, destroying self-esteems and even something so pure and true as love.

Love...

It’s almost too chaotic and exhausting. Love is a beautiful thing and must be celebrated with no external pressures. If Valentine’s Day stresses you out in your relationship then you need to re-evaluate your love life.

Be so deeply rooted that Valentine’s Day can’t even unravel you.

The day is about love no doubt but there are different types of love. Because there are different types of love it means the day can be celebrated by everyone and in different ways.

Here’s my list of ways you can feel loved, and spread love and make the day count.

Just for the record, it is not obligatory to celebrate Valentine’s Day, don’t get lost in the sauce. You’re still dope, still special, still capable of loving and giving love in return.

Here goes…

1. Spend the day with people who have lost their loved ones. People who have suffered a great lost in recent months – give them hope that there is still enough love to go around.

 2. Be a morning person and catch the sunrise… be grateful for all the new opportunities you’re presented with and make sure to catch the sunset more importantly which is the promise of hope.

Catch The Sunset

3.   Go on a shopping spree, visit your favourite coffee shop or spot, eat your favourite food and spend an alone time with yourself. You’ll learn a thing or two about yourself.

4.   Spend the day with the homeless and less privileged. This will humble you and make you put things into perspective. You’ll then learn that there are more important things than the pressures of being single.

5.   Visit your grandparents. They are old and have limited time left so why not visit with their favourite drink and come bearing some pleasant tales of the past. All they need now is your time and love.

6.   Go to the cinema. Yes alone. Watch your favourite film and make sure to buy the largest popcorn and largest drink. Add a hot dog to that with extra mustard and don’t forget to get a good seat. Self-love.

7.   Do what you actually love, all the things you always wanted to do but never have time for. Sew that loose hem on your skirt. Cook your favourite meal. Write that poem and type up that article.

8.  Wake up early, dress immaculately and participate in 10 random acts of kindness. Make someone smile. Pay someone a compliment. Pay for someone’s coffee. Smile to strangers. Some need it more than you think.

9.  Stay home. Have a well-deserved lie in. Play your favourite songs at ignorant level. Binge on that TV series you recorded but never had the time for. Dance around in your pyjamas while you sip your favourite drink.

10.  Be a tourist in your country. Go to places you’ve never been before. Take photos of the memorable moments and enjoy the experience of experiencing something new.

Be A Tourist in your own City

 11.  Attend midweek service. Go to your local church and just thank God for your life and reflect on all the little mercies you’ve ignored while you were busy finding Mrs Right and Mr Valentine.

12. Go on a spa day and enjoy a good massage. Have a manicure and a pedicure. Sometimes life happens and you are left with little or no time for some self-loving. Don’t neglect your being. You live there after all.

Self Love is The Greatest Middle Finger of all Time!

13. Pick up that novel you’ve always wanted to read. You’ll be amazed at how     many pages you can get through when you are really enjoying a good read. These little things are good for the soul.

14. Go bowling. Go ice skating. Go swimming or hiking. Go to the zoo or the water park or amusement pack. Quad biking, horse-riding and go-karting. In short, go on an adventure and surprise yourself.

15.   Wake up in the morning and have a full blast of worship. Oh I love worshiping. Put your favourite gospel on and just worship lustily. Thank God for where you’re at and thank Him for where He is about to take you.

16.  Light the candles. Run the bath and have a long soak with a glass of wine in hand and your favourite music in the background. Lean back, close your eyes and let your mind drift to a place of bliss and light and love.

Have a Soak...

17.  Pay a visit to the hospital…the kids ward. Take a gift with you, a stuffed toy or something that will make them laugh or put a smile on their little precious faces. They need love more than you think.

18.  That dress you saved for Mr Valentine, put it on and grace the dance floor…live a little. That bottle of champagne you saved for Mrs Right, pop it open and enjoy while you watch your favourite sport…life is now.

19.  You’ve been in the gym all year trying to get that six pack for that chick and you a beach bum for the right man. But the day is here and they are not here…munch on your favourite fatty food while you’re at it understand that the right person will love you just the way you are.

Go On Life Adventures!
Live!

20.   Disconnect from social media and reconnect with yourself. Reflect and evaluate your life. Understand that you’re whole all by yourself and you’re exactly where you need to be.

21.   Say a prayer. Make sure you are praying just as much as you are wishing for it. Make God service your delight and make Him your foundation. Understand that in the absence of Valentine’s Day you are still you. God’s love is unwavering and ever present.

  

Jeremiah 29:11

Don’t be troubled by the pressures of this world. Be unshaken by societal pressures. Love is love and there are different types of love.

crave and yearn for that John 3.16 love...the kind that gives hope and is unconditional. The one that is not fickle and is built on a rock solid foundation. the love that falters not and will stand through the test of time. That God kind of Love.

You might be single…so what? You’re still a dope human. Don’t be reeled by people’s relationships…you don’t know what goes on behind closed doors. You have no idea what their relationships are built on. 

Social media can get you all confused and envious or people’s lives. It can cause you to lose focus and send you into a destructive zone.

Don’t be that person. 

Take it all with a pinch of salt and understand that social media is nothing more than the best episodes of our lives….the not so happy ones you’ll never see.

So why be envious of an illusion?!

Be content and happy. Trust the timing of your life and enjoy the process.

I was looking for a sign once because I am a professional thinker and no one criticizes me more than myself...and I am always looking for answers. This writing on the wall appealed to me. And i knew i had to trust God more and learn to not overthink joy out of this beautiful life.

Trust The Process

I am exactly where I need to be. That was all I needed to know. We all need assurance from time to time. We all fail. We all have flaws. We all have bloopers.

In a relationship or not, don't neglect the duty of loving yourself and don't bow to societal pressures.

My point is, be encouraged and trust God, trust yourself more, trust your journey and trust your destiny. What’s for you will never pass you by and you will be who you were meant to be.

Your purpose on this earth might not be as you have rehearsed it in your head – meet prince charming or Mrs Right, fall in love and get married and have beautiful kids.

We all cannot have the same paths.

Not all of us will meet the love of our lives…some of us our purpose is way greater. Embrace it.

Love is bigger…way bigger than Valentine’s Day!

Till then

Xoxo