Complementary Not Completion

This one is for my ladies… Can we just get it together?

Let's Get It Together

‘’There are things I want to do. Places I want to see. Cultures I want to explore. Sunsets I want to experience and sunrises I want to wallow in but….

I am going to wait till the love of my life gets here. I will hold on till Mr right knocks. I will pause my life till my knight in shining armour appears. My whole being shall be on recess. I shall not be moved!’’

Just stop right there…. And I am here to beg you to moooove!

You Are Not a Rock...MOVE

How alarming it is to see young and capable ladies putting their lives on hold for love. They waste days and nights looking for life partners, months and years yearning for their soul mates. Only to realise few years down the line when it’s a little too late that Love finds you.

I believe in self-development, self-care and self-love. Let it be in your make up. Live it and let it be your truth.

Exhibit it so loud that it’ll separate the sheep from the wolves. So loud that your fears and insecurities are laid to rest. You know what they say, you set the standard of how people are meant to treat you. You set the standard of how people are meant to love you.

Ultimately…It all begins with you.

Yep You!

You want to eat in that plush restaurant but you want Mr Right to take you there, you want to go watch that movie but you need a guy to accompany you, basically you want to get your life together but you’re waiting on Mr Right.

Sister…get it together!

Mr Right will come but first…

You’ll need to stop being the devil’s workshop and get busy. You will need to set your house in order, you've got to develop your inner man and when you've grown to be your own person, you’ll need to be unapologetically you.

You’ll have to know who you are as a person. Find yourself while you’re single. I am not saying your life should be perfect for you to get a Mr right but relationship is hard work so knowing who you are makes the workload a tad easier. If you don’t know who you are, chances are you will easily get lost in someone else.

Many a times we want someone to love we for who we are but deep down we do not even know who we are or what we want.

If you go into the relationship as a burden, you’ll break its back before it even set off to the stage of walking. Refuse to be that needy girl.

Don't Be That Girl

So I ask you...

How are you going to present yourself to him? How are you going to introduce yourself to him? You want him to love you for you but who are you again? Do you even know?

The truth is even if Mr Right comes in all his glory and you’re in the wrong place in your life, he will still not be your Mr right. This is called a misplaced opportunity.

Don’t be that person.

Believe it or not, the woman who’s on her grind, fixing her life, living fully and not waiting on no validation is more attractive than that bum sitting at home waiting for Mr right to buy her that red bottoms.

Likewise, A finely built house on the market is often more expensive and more marketable than an unfinished and tattered house. Simply because it holds more value because the owner has spent time and energy into making it that way.

Your being is your temple and you are the architect, put in the work. Make it beautiful. Make it interesting.

A Relationship involves two people working towards a common goal not one man financing the needs of a needy and desperate girl. A relationship is not a guy with a net ready to rescue the other party from unhappiness. A relationship is not the answer to all your problems.

A Relationship Is Two People Working Together
Towards A Common Goal

People who often wait around for Mr Right expect too much. And when those needs are not met, they say he was a failure but how did you contribute towards that failed relationship? Why were your expectations so high? Why did you think he will be your endless supply of happiness while you put in zero efforts? Why did you think he will be your all time high?

Get real.

Are you looking for a partner or a saviour?

Again I say be unapologetically you so much that when that knight in shining armour makes an appearance even if he loves you less on some days, you’ll still be you and you won’t be any less of a person.

When a man finds you in that form, you leave him with no choice but to treat you with the love and respect you’ve already been showering on yourself.  He will stand up to be the man that you need him to be which is the man that would love, respect and adore you if he doesn’t then he has no place in your temple, no place in your life and kindly be unafraid to show him the exit and continue to stay fabulous.

He should meet you in all your elements…doing great things for yourself, enjoying life to its fullest and relishing each moment of now. He should take off where you left off. He should complement your being and not complete you.

Don’t waste your time on earth waiting on your full stop. Look within. God has given you all you need to succeed in this world you just need to recognise and act accordingly.

Don’t lose sight of who you are. You’re packed with greatness and awesomeness. Walk with your head high and exude all the elements of greatness you were created with like excellence, grace, elegance, happiness, contentment, confidence and more.

You’re so much more. If only you know baby girl.

No Apologies 'round here.

However, it is not wrong to desire a man, it is not foolish to want someone to share your life with and it is not settling to wish you had someone to experience certain things with you but don’t put your life on hold.

Remember you might not have all your shit together but with all your flaws and imperfections you are still complete. You are the package!

You should be great all by yourself so when Mr Right comes, you’ll be a force. You’re good all by yourself but with the right guy you should be better. You’re strong all by yourself but with the right one you should be stronger. You should be happy but with the right guy you should be happier.

Why?

Because the right people brings out the best in you...even on bad days and the days you find it hard to smile. The best people inspire you to do better. Basically whatever they bring to the table should add to you and not take away from what you’ve already built.

Don’t stay in the dumps and expect your prince charming to come rescue you from the debris of your senselessness.

You are your own person first before you can be someone else’s.

So I say to you...

Go on that trip, dine at the finest restaurants, treat yourself, be happy, date yourself, travel wide and far, keep smiling, be unapologetically you, trust your dopeness, be alone with your thoughts, dance, buy the shoes, go on that spa date, stay on your grind, don’t wait on weekends, pay your bills, be unbothered, take up a hobby, go to the movies and buy your own popcorn, validate yourself, be kind, laugh at yourself, live, be thoughtful, pray and slay!

Who knows, during this course, Mr Right might just walk in.

Stay Fabulous!

Stay fabulous my ladies!

Till then…

Xoxo

Life of a wanderer

As the ever true saying goes

‘’Not all those who wander are lost’’

I have always had a bucket list and on that list was the urge to travel, so I made the decision to do just that. With or without a travelling buddy.

I am not trying to escape from anything, nor am I running away from something. I am not lonely. I am not on the rebound. I am not running towards something either. I have not been diagnosed with a fatal disease and given few months to live.

I am far from being lost.

I am just a girl that thinks there’s more to life than just going back home to Sierra Leone for Christmas and Easter holidays each year. I am a girl who thinks there is more to life than just work, pay bills and die. I am just a girl that thinks there’s always something new to learn if we allow ourselves. I am just a girl who is full of curiosity.

Therefore I set out.

 

Don't Judge Me

This decision was solidified after I received a return ticket for my birthday 2 years ago to Dubai. That was an eye opener.

It did whet my appetite to see more of the world and gave me just the zeal I needed.

The Eye Opener - Dubai

Therefore I set out to see at least two different countries each year. And since then I have been doing just that and sometimes I do exceed my limit and I’ll do up to three countries.

Some of these were done with travelling partners, others alone. But I’ll concentrate on the lone traveller for now.

I have spoken to so many people and they are scared to travel alone. They always need someone.

I can see why, with all the crazy news and natural disasters…you really don’t know.

But I say, Trust yourself a bit more.

First of all I am not saying I am totally fearless, what I'm saying is that I am just a girl who goes after what makes me happy. And in the journey of that fear does not play a part.

My mother fears my adventurous side. My brother thinks I'm ‘’free spirited’’ My Grandmother thinks i have a death wish.

All of the above makes me laugh.

One thing is for sure and that is I have never been scared once while on any of my journeys so far. I have been excited, anxious, and extremely happy but afraid? No! I guess the excitement takes away the spirit of fear.

The Excitement Overpowers the Fear - Malta

I think the journey of a solo traveller starts from within. You have to be able to be on your own, be happy on your own and be able to take the lead in your life. You have to be open, cautious and accepting. You have to learn how to behave when things do not go your way and the consequences your decisions have on others.

All of this and more are things you have to conquer before you can venture out into an unknown land all by yourself.

There’s nothing to fear. You will discover parts of you that you never knew existed. You will understand hidden parts of you better and you will find out that you’re braver, wiser and more capable than you thought.

Are you scared of the journey or are you scared of the label people will throw your way?

People are going to think you’re lost, some will say you’re recovering from something others will say you need help but what do you care?

Remember it is your life, labels don’t make you and they certainly can’t break you. If you love travelling, do it. You have nothing to lose and you will never regret the decision. Most times the people who have the most trash to say knows little or nothing about your life. You know yourself better and baby, the world is your oyster.

What are you waiting for?

What Are You Waiting For? - Ibiza

Which brings me to my next point. Some people’s lives have been put on hold. On hold because they are waiting for their finance to be right, for them to get their master’s degree, on hold till they get married or meet their prince charming, or till they land that million dollar job or maybe they’re just waiting to get it all together before they can embark on travelling, be it solo or not.

That is the thing, I never waited for no perfect moments, I made the moments perfect. I didn't wait for no one, I realised that I have myself. I to solely rely on and sometimes you’ll find out that…that is enough.

I understand that the future is but an illusion so I am making the most of now.

My finances are not doing the happy dance but I made the sacrifice to forego certain things for the other. I wanted to travel so I make it happen. I had to go easy on the excessive shoes and Saturday night take outs in exchange for a plane ticket.

I forgo the extensive wardrobe in exchange for sunsets in a strange land and the colourful and blazing cultures of different people. I was intrigued by all the fascinations this beautiful world has to offer.

So I set off.

And I haven’t looked back, if anything I wished I had done it sooner. I wished I had made that decision sooner.

But never late than never.

People say to me all the time…

‘’Oh Doris you have too much money’’ ‘’Oh you tourist, touring the world’’

Even my employer once said, ‘’Doris I think we are paying you too much’’

Again I do laugh at some of these misconceptions. However they do not come at a surprise at all. These are some of the common misconceptions geared towards those who dared to see the world.

I am not rich. I do not travel to show off affluence. I do not travel to be labelled. I do not travel to prove anything to anyone. I do not travel because my life is put together all so neatly, in fact I am far from neatly put together.

I travel because I love waking up to the sunrise in different countries. I adore the sunsets in the evenings. I love culture and I find it very intriguing. I enjoy different palates. Languages excites me. I love everything that travelling presents. No two journey is the same, so imagine the excitement.

I live for those moments.

I am not here to say travelling doesn't cost money because it does but in future posts I shall be highlighting ways and means to show that you do not have to break the bank to see a different country ever so often.

Likewise, I am not here to convince you to take up travelling because we are all so different and we all have different hobbies and travelling may not be one of them.

But I am here to tell you that travelling is something that has a positive impact and it is everything it cracks up to be and everyone must venture out, at least once a year into the unknown.

We all need recess and someone once said that most things will work again if you only unplug it for few minutes….including you.

Take time out and fly away…sometimes it’s a bus away, other times just few minutes’ drive away.

Sometimes I am A Tourist In My City -
St Paul's Cathedral - London

Where would you go if you were given a free plane ticket?

Think about it.

Just Do It

Till then

Xoxo