Let your
guard down they say. Let’s be vulnerable together they say. Fall in love with
me, I will catch you they proclaimed. Let’s make this last forever they
exclaimed.
Don’t we wish
life was that easy?
Congratulations,
you’re in love.
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| Congratulations!! |
You’re happy.
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| 32s On Fleek |
One day your
days become a nightmare and nights become longer. Your bright and cheerful
world becomes this dimly-lit hell hole. You find it hard to believe, harder to
smile and even harder breathe. Things are not the same.
You start
wondering….
What happened
to happily ever after? What happen to I’ll catch you when you fall? And
whatever happened to let’s make this last forever?
Every day
becomes a struggle. Appetite is gone. The will to live vanishes right before
your eyes and all of a sudden nothing else matters.
So many
unanswered questions.
Why wasn’t I
enough? Wasn’t I good enough? Were you even mine to begin with? What am I
supposed to do when our song comes on? Combating those feelings will be the
hardest thing you’ve ever done.
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| What am i Supposed To Do When Our Song Comes On? |
All the sweet
nothings that they used to whisper in your ears don’t make sense anymore. You
try replaying them in your head and try figuring out where things went wrong. Whenever
you do a clearing out, there’s always a reminder of what you used to
share...silly notes of dreams that turned into a nightmare overnight.
You cry your
eye balls out. No phone calls and no contact with the outside world as you go
through pile and piles of tissues.
You can’t
even tell your friends because you’re ashamed, you can’t tell your parents
because they had high hopes for you too. Heck you can’t even convince yourself
that the one person you thought belonged to you, the one person you chose to
love, the one person you chose to be vulnerable with, the one person you
thought was your forever is gone.
Then it hits
you…
It hits you
hard that life is a series of unplanned events, a ball of obstacles, a chaotic
mess and a merry go round of shit and giggles.
You start
realising that how long they chose to love you will never be your decision.
When they choose to leave there’s nothing you can do to change that.
I stopped
believing in forevers!
You start to
realise that the forever people so often talk about is nothing if the moments
are not cherished. The forever is somewhere we don’t often make, so I often
tell people. Enjoy the moments because if all else fails, you might not have
reached a forever but you’ve experienced what True love is. And even if it
wasn’t true, once upon a time in a happy place, you’ve experienced love.
And that is
something everyone must experience.
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| One True Love Experience Outweighs a Thousand Promised Forevers. |
You now know
that love is more than a feeling, it a decision you make every day, and people
change all the time. Nothing is constant, even that I LOVE YOU that they so
often whisper in your ears can falter with time.
What’s your
assurance?
You learn
that someone else’s love is not yours to own. Therefore it is never yours to
lose. It is yours for that time, for that moment, for that period. So
experience it and enjoy it when it’s around.
People love
and lost all the time and when that love is over, when that love is not enough
anymore, when that love no longer serves as your happy place you can’t hold
them as prisoners.
Let it go.
You run into
them in the mall, living life like nothing happened while you have to struggle
to get out of bed every day. To give the world the sunshine. To pretend like
everything is ok. And to find the strength to go through each passing day. Now
that is true strength.
I applaud
you.
You’re forced
to see them in public living their lives, hugging, laughing and giggling with
their new love. Holding hands and doing all the things you both used to do. Now
that kills you each time. And you can’t help but wonder if they ever cared at
all.
No one
understands the magnitude of pain.
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| Living Life Like Its Golden... |
You log on Facebook
and they’re all you see. Plastering pictures everywhere. Happy couple. All
smiles. And in your alone moment you’re wondering why me? Is he going to do the
same thing to her? Will she be the one? What about all the things he said to
me? What happened to the forevers I was promised? What ever happened to the
sparkle in her eyes that used to come alive each time we spoke?
It’s gone.
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| It Was Never Yours To Own! |
And accepting
that is a daily battle. A daily struggle. Sometimes you’ll have to fight a
little harder to make it through the day. But no one knows that.
Seeing the
person you love, love someone else is the greatest pain of all time. You can’t
explain it but it stings. My god it stings!
But…
Lost love
teaches you to be a better human. You can only understand the pain of loss when
you’ve had sleepless nights, soaking tear-wet pillows, and that gut wrenching
feeling like your heart’s been ripped from your chest. And that is an awful awful
feeling. That is pain. That is raw pain.
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| That Gut -Wrenching Feeling |
That awful
feeling and excruciating pain teaches you a lot.
It teaches
you to be strong.
It teaches
you that forever is merely a safe word. Forever is just that…a forever. And it’s
nothing more than a promised place.
It helps you
to realise your strength and capabilities. In such an awful unguarded moment,
you learn that you are enough. You learn that the love of another does not
relieve you off the duty of loving yourself.
You treat
people with caution and respect and regards because you know what it feels like
to be hurt, to be in a dark place, to cry all night with no one to wipe your
tears. To hear your own scared quivering voice at night when all the lights are
out.
When the only
light you see at that time is the moon through the cracks of your window
curtain.
It teaches
you to never hang on to the theory of one day or the promise of forever but
rather seizing each moment because even if it ends one day, you weren’t waiting
around for a promised forever, nor were you striking down the calendar for days
mounting up to that one day. You’ll be sad its ended, you’ll be gutted but not
as much as you would be if all you shared was a promised forever and series of
one day.
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| A Little but Great Infinity |
A lost love
teaches you the art of being a moment grabber and that I have learnt is a
beautiful thing. You take each moment and make it beautiful. You learn the hard
fact that life is too short and too long for unhappiness.
You learn
that you do not have to break your bones to fit into someone’s idea of love.
You understand that your type of love is not for everyone.
And when you
will decide to give love another try, you will understand the essence of being
present in every moment.
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| Relationships Sometimes Can Be a Challenge But It Should Never Be A Struggle. |
And it will
be clear that the heart as little as it is holds a significant amount of
strength as it goes through heartbreak after heartbreak but never loses the
power to feel…..and eventually love again.
You will be
guarded. You will be scared. You’ll be unsure. And if they’re worth your time, they will
understand this. They will unbox you carefully, with love and care. They will
love the dustiest part of your soul with all understanding and they will give
you time to heal…heal on your own terms.
You are happy
and at peace with the confirmation that the heart that’s meant to love you, will
love you and they won’t have to break a bone.
Through all
of this the important and unwavering lesson remain. The lesson to love without
attachment. To understand that all could be gone in a day. To never etch your
whole experience in one day.
You do not have
to promise me a happily ever after. You do not have to promise me a forever.
Heck, don’t sell me dreams.
I am content.
I am content with this moment.
For the
journey, endeavour to always be present, present in the moment.
Because once upon a lonely night sky, a lost love taught me to love what I have while I have it.
Because once upon a lonely night sky, a lost love taught me to love what I have while I have it.
Till next time
XoXo
